So far I've been pacing, contemplating about what is the right time to call Portia because I don't want to wake her up too early.
Just because im up right now I don't know what she has planned for her day and I don't want to wake her up too early before her planned time to wake up, it wouldn't be fair.
I looked down at my phone in my hand and I saw it was afternoon.
I figured that was efficient enough time to wait.
So I sat down on my bed and called her.
Hopefully, she'll answer this time.
"Hello."
She answered in a tired voice.
I'm still too early.
Well, at least she answered.
"Good Afternoon, Portia how are you?"
I asked
"I'm so glad that you answered the phone because I've missed talking to you."
There was a quiet pause on the phone.
"Are you still there?"
"Please answer I finally got you to answer please talk to me, I miss your sweet voice."
"I missed you."
"So?"
"Can we talk?"
It was completely quiet now.
I was sure i was muted or something because i couldn't hear anything, not even background noise.
"I'm don't feel safe being alone with you. I'm calling Joe, he will keep me safe from you."
Then she really hung up.
I wasted no time getting up and leaving the house.
I ran all the way over to her house.
I wanted to get there before Joe.
I especially wanted to get there just in case they decide to make-out again.
I don't want that to happen.
That really hurt me to see that.
I made it to her house and made a complete stop right on the walkway that led to the steps of her house.
I looked around as I waited and so far I didn't see any sign of him at all.
There she is.
She sat on the very top of her front steps.
"What a way to start the summer, huh?"
I joined her and sat right next to her with a little bit of space between us but close enough because I needed to be close to her, I missed her too much.
She was sitting there with this indescribable look on her face so I just had to come right out and ask her the question I've been wanting to ask her since day three of her not answering my calls or texts or messages on Aim.
"Am I your boyfriend?"
She leaned back she turned towards me and the look I saw didn't help me decipher the message she was giving me through her expressions because she still hasn't said a word and I was fearing absolute worst.
Now I was really nervous but I didn't want to jump to conclusions just yet.
"Are we in a relationship?"
"Do you forgive me?"
After those three different looks in the span of about a minute or so. I was worried beyond belief.
She turned away from me again.
I sat there next to her rubbing my arms and looking around.
I finally looked back over at her and she was facing forward but her eyes were downcast.
After watching her for a few more minutes I came to the conclusion that we were over and had been for a while.
"Okay, I'll just go. I'm sorry."
As i attempted to stand up and walk down the steps to head out the gate and leave.
She pulled on my sweater on my left shoulder and she pulled me into a hug.
It was an awkward angle because i was half-standing and leaning over but she wouldn't let up on her grip so i wrapped my arms around her arms and pulled her up into a standing position then i hugged her properly.
After a while of hugging, swaying back and forth, and holding each other.
I asked is that a yes, to both of my questions?
She held me tighter and said yes of course it is.
I slowly let her go and we sat back down but she slipped over to the seat that formed on the side of her stone steps the kind that is supposed to be a railing but these steps just form a long stone structure to accommodate the steps.
Anyway, I faced her.
"Now that we established our relationship. We have a bunch more to discuss. We have to completely honest with each other, okay."
"Okay."
"What happened to your hands?"
I realized that as I was talking she had grabbed both my hands and was examining my knuckles.
"I've been fighting Joe every day for the past few weeks."
"What? Why?"
She looked perplexed as though she has forgotten that he took advantage of her and her innocence just a few weeks ago.
He stuck his tongue down your throat.
He and I fought that day and every day since.
With that sentence uttered an immediate thought ran through my mind.
I turned to her and asked
"Has he been over here?"
"No, he hasn't."
An even harsher thought ran through my mind.
"Did you enjoy it and would you like him to kiss you again?"
"Honestly?"
"Yes."
"I did enjoy it it was very nice and it was sweet and soft."
I was hurt, completely dejected.
"I'm sorry im just being honest."
"Okay, but was it the best kiss you've ever had?"
"I can't really answer that. I can't say No, not at all.
"But then again I've only been kissed twice. I initiated the first one with you and then he initiated the second kiss. So im not sure if two kisses are any indication of best I've ever had."
I leaned over and tongued her down with my hand supporting her neck and my other hand gripping her exposed thigh for balance and because i wanted to feel and find out if it was as soft as it looked.
And it was.
"MMM, your mouth is so sweet."
I said as I kept her head cradled in my hand gazing into her eyes.
"Thank you."
We were interrupted by a distant struggle that was coming closer I was ready to hide her behind me because it could be an ambush hiding behind a distraction.
As i looked behind me at the street i was 10 holding Joe in a headlock dragging him along with Three rattling off facts of how headlocks and be damaging to oxygen flow to the brain.
"Aye, Three i dont give a damn."
"We gon get this shit right."
I heard a mumbled
"Aye, spotty chill I deserve it I've done wrong."
10 got to the gate.
"I'm glad y'all are together it makes this easier."
He reached over and unlocked the gate and they all came in.
He pulled Joe to the bottom of the steps.
When he let him out of the lock he pushed him and said.
"Portia, did Ken apologize to you?"
"Yes, he did and he was very sincere."
"Okay, good because I was about to grab him and make him stand next to this backstabbing, backwards a** n***a."
He pushed Joe further up the steps.
"Talk, nigga."
Joe looked up and i heard Portia gasp.
He came up the steps and stood in front of her.
By now I had let her go and we were just sitting by each other.
She pulled him into a tight hug.
He held her and began hysterically crying into her neck.
I could faintly hear him say
"Im sorry, please, please fucking forgive me. I don't deserve any of your forgiveness but please give it to me."
He pulled out of her embrace.
"Please sit."
"Im going to speak honestly.
If you hate me then I welcome whatever way you express your hatred."
Mmmm, I wonder what this nigga has to say. My knuckles are ready for today's bruising.
Before he could say anything.
Portia pulled him into a tight hug.
"I forgive you, don't cry."
She wiped his tears and he sat on the step in front of her as she caressed his hair.
I put my arm around her as the other guys sat on the other lower steps.
I leaned forward and gave her a quick slow kiss.
She smiled and she leaned his head back and kissed him slowly, too.
I was shocked as I watched on.
Before I could ask what was she doing?
She finished kissing him and sat up straight, continuing to caress his hair with a content smile on her face.
"So what does this mean for us."
"It's all good."
"So you're not breaking up with me?"
She turned her head towards me, rested it on my shoulder and pulled me into a passionate, hot kiss as she was still caressing his head.
As she pulled away from me, she gazed deeply into my eyes and she said.
"No, you are my man. You belong to me.
24
Damn! That was sexy as f***.
She said no you are my man, you belong to me.
Mmm, yes baby I do.
Every bit of me belongs to you for as long as you want me. I will belong to you.
I kept on smiling as I just enjoyed the beautiful sunshine that being provided and the nice cool breeze that came along with the sunshine.
As I enjoyed myself and was becoming content chilling with my baby and my dudes.
I felt her delicate hand slide down my arm and search for hand and when she brushed my thumb she slid her hand into mine and interlocked our fingers.
"Thank you for forgiving me."
She just smiled.
She slipped her hands through his hair, smiled at him and he swiveled around and faced towards the gates of the house as he leaned against her as he released a sigh of relief.
I saw his hand go up and then he glanced over his shoulder and looked at me and I shook his hand and then dapped him up.
We both shook our heads as to say we good, you my nigga again.
"Now that, that is all squared away. Are we all good with each other? Everyone is forgiven. Slate is wiped clean, okay? Good, great. End of."
Three said as he stood on the ground in front of the steps talking to us.
We all agreed.
We were all at my house after we left Portia house because I wanted to feed my baby.
So I made her breakfast and these niggas followed us back to my house.
So it was the whole group over at my house chilling on my steps now.
Portia was singing little songs and dancing around.
I wanted to cuddle with her but she kept moving away when I would try and pull her into me.
I was getting frustrated and I think she knew that because after each attempt she would wink at me.
So right now im thinking of how to get her without her realizing it.
So far nothing I tried has worked.
She's laughing and singing in my face and I can't help but smile because she is so fucking cute but she's also playing with me and I want her to stop.
I just want to hold her right now but she wants to play.
She's singing some song in my face and I hear 10 laughing saying
"Portia chill out, I don't want him to touch in a way that I will have to fuck him up again, so chill in that man's face."
I didn't want to break my character by telling him im not annoyed or anything.
I'm just falling deeply in love with her just by her actions right now because not only is she sexy she's fun to be around and she unconsciously makes you miss her when she isn't around.
Thats the effect she has on me.
She was still singing and pointing in my face as she danced.
So I decided to play along because I had come up with a plan to get her in my arms finally.
"Like my dude said, quit playing."
She didn't listen and just kept on going.
Except now her face held a smirk.
It felt like she was challenging me.
"And what is it you're going to do?"
"Alright, you got five seconds."
"Five seconds? okay, let's count it down."
"5"
"5"
"4"
"4"
"3"
"3"
"2"
"Oh, you getting up? Gotta blast."
She ran up across the street from my house singing
"With a super-powered mind."
She stopped at the corner and turned to see if I was really chasing after her which I was and she looked at me, and she kept right on singing.
"A mechanical canine"
She barked like a dog and as she did she shook her ass along to the barks as if it were a beat.
"Bark, bark."
As I got closer she ran off around the corner.
That's when I sped up.
I could hear her full-on laughing now as she ran faster away from me.
As I stopped to listen for her I didn't hear anything and won't keep going but at a slow joggers pace so that I could pick up on any noise as I looked for her.
Before long I had rounded back around to my front steps where the guys were.
Exasperated I leaned on my knees to regain composure.
"She came through here? yall seen her?"
They all shook their heads.
In the distance in the opposite direction, I heard laughter, mainly giggling.
I took off running when I have my girl in my hands I will rest.
Maybe we can take a nap together.
She might be just as tired as I am right now after all this running.
As I ran towards the giggling I screamed
"COME HERE, QUIT RUNNING FROM ME!!!!"
When I rounded the corner it was just a group of girls and none of them was my baby.
After a few more times around the block, I couldn't find her.
Then I saw that the store was opening so I figured I would buy her some of her favorite snacks.
After I finished in the store I heard that laughter again, and I decided not fall for it.
At least I made seem like I wasn't and as I saw her hair flash past me.
I being the ninja I am I scooped her up without dropping my snack bag.
In one swift motion she was scooped up like chunky monkey and hoisted carefully over my shoulder and after I handed her my, well her snack bag to hold I slid her into my arms bridal style.
She just smiled as I carried her home.
I walked us all the way into the house as I passed the bros I swiped her bag and kept on into my room, removed our shoes, and laid us down for a nap.
"Now, let's rest, baby."
25
"My heartbeat fast, but my record burns slow."
"Yeah, I heard you talking don't know who you trying to flatter."
~Text Message/Picture Attached~
"Who's texting me?"
"Langston?"
"Hi."
In the middle of me opening our text log. Langston was already calling me.
"Good Morning, love"
"Good Morning, Langston."
12. "How is your morning, beautiful?"
"Good so far. What about you?"
"My morning was good, I just finished in the gym."
"Oh, so you're at the bus stop right now?"
"No, why?"
"Isn't the gym downtown?"
"Yes, but im not downtown."
"Oh. I thought you were because you said you just finished at the gym."
"Oh, no. Ken has a gym in his house, so that's where I am right now."
"Oh, okay."
"After I leave here, im going home to freshen up, and then im coming back over here."
"Ok."
It was quiet for a while.
"You know I pass your house on the way to Ken's house."
"Oh really, I didn't know that."
"Yes."
"So... If you want as I walking past I could wait for you and we could walk to Ken's together."
Should I go?
Should I stay?
I don't know?
"If you need time to get dressed, I'll wait for you."
He said.
"Umm, okay. But im already dressed so ill just wait for you."
"I'll let you know when im on your street."
"Okay"
~2 hours later~
I'm sitting on the ledge on top of my stairs.
Langston just called me and said he stopped at the store across from my street and he's about two houses away from me and he should be in front of my house soon. So now im just waiting here for him.
After a few minutes. I see his shadow rounding the corner.
He stopped in front of my staircase.
I went into the house, made sure the tv and lights were off, and then I put the alarm on.
After locking the door, I came down the stairs.
As I came closer to him, he stepped closer and he pulled me into a hug.
As we hugged he said.
"Hi, beautiful baby."
"Hi, Langston"
"Hi, what's up?"
"Just posted."
"Aww, you're picking up on my phrases."
"Oh yeah, I guess I have and I haven't even noticed it."
"You're so cute, baby."
"Thank you, you always say that to me."
"It's true."
"Yeah, it is."
"Your smile is beautiful, too."
"Thank you."
We walked up to Ken's steps.
"After you," Langston said as he held the door open for me.
"Thank you."
As we rounded the corner and headed further into the house.
I heard Benjamin singing, while there was another conversation going on at the same time.
As I got closer I realized that the guys were in the kitchen. I hope Ken baby is in there with them.
I heard
"Y'all after we eat where are we going? Anywhere?" Julian asked.
"I don't know, Langston isn't back yet. So we'll see what he says if he has any suggestions of what we should do." Julian said.
Langston was walking in front of me but as we got closer to the talking, he turned down another hallway and gently pushed me in the direction of the kitchen. I guess he'll be back.
I went to the doorway of the kitchen and I just stood there and watched as the guys talked and moved around the kitchen making their food.
"Yeah, he'll be back soon. Oh, I should call him so he can pick up Portia on his way back, too." Benjamin said.
"No need I'll just call her and invite her over myself," Julian said as he stopped making his food and pulled out his phone.
I just continued watching on because I knew my phone was in my bag and it was off.
He placed the phone to his ear as he listened to my phone ringing as listened on he lifted his head towards the ceiling with his eyes closed. After some time he hung up and started texting me instead.
After he put his phone away he turned back towards the counter and continues with his food as he did he said.
"She didn't answer the phone, so I texted her. Hopefully, she sees it soon and comes over."
As I continued leaning on the wall in the entrance of the kitchen, I felt someone grab my upper arm and then my hand and I was being led into the kitchen by Langston.
Who im guessing heard the guys conversation and what Julian just said.
As he led me over to him, he placed my hand around the front of his stomach.
I leaned on the side of his right arm and said.
"Where your shirt?"
He put his sandwich down and lifted me up and sat me on the stool and kept one arm around me as he faced me and ate his food.
"Hey, I was calling you, earlier. I wanted you to come over. Want some?"
"No, she doesn't want your sandwich, n***a. You ain't her n***a." Langston said from across the kitchen.
As Julian turned away from me eating his sandwich he remained quiet.
As I looked around they all were eating sandwiches.
I felt a rush of hard movement land on my back and I was engulfed in heat.
"Peanutbaby!!!!" I heard Kentrell shout into my ear.
"Kelly baby."
I responded as I laid my hands on top of his arms around me.
He came around and pulled me into a proper hug. Once again I was lifted.
"Hi."
"Hi." I laughed as I placed my hands on his shoulders.
He smiled back at me.
"You eating anything. Hmm?"
"No."
He hoisted me up and got a better grip before he said.
"Okay, hold on."
I leaned slightly over his shoulder and held on as he walked.
He walked for a while, stopped and then he walked some more and then he placed me down on his bed and that's when I finally opened my eyes.
He grabbed my hands into his hands and he just looked at me smiling.
He leaned forward and kissed me for a while and then leaned back and looked at me some more.
"Hi, baby."
"Hi."
He let my hands go and stood up and started moving around his room as we talked.
"Baby, when did you get here?"
"A few minutes ago. I and Langston walked over here, together. "
"Oh."
100. "Did you try to call me because I was charging my phone. I left it here." He said as he unhooked his phone.
"No, I didn't I was charging mine at home, actually when Langston called me."
"Oh, so he called you, too?"
"Yeah, I was in my room and my phone beeped. So I saw it was a message at first then he called me after."
"What message?" He asked
"He texted me saying Good Morning."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
I started talking again.
"So, are you ready to go back to the kitchen?"
He turned away from his dresser and faced me.
"Yes, just let me change my outfit. Then we'll go, okay?"
I nodded my head and he disappeared into his closet.
When he returned he looked delicious.
I wished he would kiss me again.
I wonder what made him change his outfit.
We left his room and we walked back down the stairs to the kitchen but when we got down there, the boys were now in the living room. They had already finished their food and we're just talking.
I stood near one of the couches.
Ken yelled from the kitchen.
"Hey, y'all want to go somewhere?" He asked.
"Yeah, there's a party that's starting soon, we should go to that."
Benjamin said.
"Today? The party's today?" Ken yelled.
"Yeah, we should go."
"We should."
Ken came out of the kitchen with a cup full of grapes in his hand.
"Baby, you rolling?"
"Yeah, sure why not."
Langston stood up and clapped his hands together and then he rubbed them together.
"With the ashyness of your skin." We both said as he came towards me and we both started laughing.
"Y'all wearing what y'all have on? Because I need to go and change." Langston said.
The guys all agreed that they were not going to change their clothes and that they were just going to wear what they already have on.
"Come on, Miss Fashion Expert. You coming with me, I need your help." Langston said as he links his arm with my arm as he turned us around and we began leaving Ken's house.
~We finally made it to Langston's house~
As he held the door open for me and we entered his house.
Before we could walk any further into the house.
We heard the front door slam and then heavy breathing.
Langston pushed me behind him and then when he heard the heavy breathing he pushed me into the hallway and gave me the signal to stay quiet.
He walked away towards the door.
I heard
"Hey, uh Portia you can come out, it's just the bros."
Langston said.
I came out of hiding and I saw all the guys standing near the open front doorway.
"Yeah, it's the bros. Man, y'all walk fast. Now, what makes you think you can take my baby away somewhere with you because of some clothes?" Ken asked.
He walked over to me and hugged me.
"Hey, baby. You okay?"
Before I could answer.
Joe spoke up.
"Man, chill out. Portia is fine. We were literally minutes behind them, ain't no way they can do anything that fast."
Ken let me go and turned towards him.
"Hey, you don't know that. Also, of course, they didn't because Portia is not like that at all and you know it. Plus, she already has me, why would she want someone else when she already is the best and has the best?" He explained.
I just walked away.
I figured if Langston's house was built anything like Kelly Baby's then his bedroom was at the end of this hallway across from the bathroom.
Boom, I was right.
I walked over to the dresser first, picking out things that caught my eye.
After, I placed those things down on his bed, and then I moved over to the closet.
Then I had about three different outfits laid out for him.
I walked back into the living room and I grabbed his hand and walked us back into his room.
"Langston, look what I got for you. Pick your favorite."
He took his time and looked over everything on the bed and then he looked at me.
"This is it."
He took his outfit and went across the hallway, into the bathroom and he changed and then he came back.
We went back into the living room again.
"Okay, let's go y'all," Langston said.
We all filed out of his house as he locked the door behind us.
As we walked down from the porch and we all piled into Ken's brother's car.
We were off to the party.
26
"Hey, you seen Portia.?"
I asked Langston as I shouted into his ear.
"Yeah, she was headed upstairs."
"WHAT?!!!!"
"WHAT how long ago was this?"
I asked.
"Hmm, maybe four songs ago." He said.
"What the f***?"
"Hey, let's go find her."
"Alright me and Julian will check down here. Maybe she came back down. It's going to be okay. Don't worry."
"Yeah, you're right. Me and 10 will check upstairs together. Keep your phone's volume up."
We separated as I and 10 ran upstairs we were checking each door we saw.
I was hoping to find her in a locked room by herself.
As we checked I had my phone to my ear as I called her again.
No answer.
I put my phone away, so I could focus, in case she's calling my name.
As we got to the end of the hallway, 10 checked the door on his side and as I turned the knob on the last door in front of me, I saw a group of guys making a circle around the bed.
I heard a dude yell in my ear.
"Aye, you want in? We just about to get started."
I didn't answer him I just moved closer to the bed.
I saw my baby sprawled out on the bed and her arms were being held by two different dudes as her mouth and nose were covered by another dude.
Her skirt was pushed up and there was a dude standing between her legs and hie hand was starting to push her shirt up.
I turned to 10 who was also shocked at the scene in front of him.
"10, make sure she's out of here safe. Call them niggas NOW!!!!"
As 10 sprang on the bed.
I began swinging on every dude I saw.
As I moved from one dude to the next. I heard Langston, Julian, Three and Joe screaming profanities near me and that's when I was fully allowed myself to blackout.
When we finished we didn't have any damages to ourselves even though them dudes were completely f***ed up, in different areas of the room.
Langston was on the phone with 10 to find out where they were.
"Alright, we coming now. Y'all let's go." Langston said.
We headed out of the house and across the street to the park.
We made our way over to 10 and Portia who were sitting on the swings.
When we got closer I stood in front of Portia.
She looked dazed and her face was red. I think was from lack of oxygen, with her mouth and nose being covered to keep her quiet.
This felt like deja vu.
Oh, my baby.
I'm so sorry.
She looked up at me and then she looked at Langston.
"Please?"
She mouthed to him.
Langston instantly sprang into action and picked her up and began carrying her towards Ink's car.
He tapped on the window and then they slid into the back of the car.
We all followed them.
It was a quiet ride.
I watched at the other end of the seat as Portia looked at Langston and nowhere else.
When we pulled up to Langston's house as he was the last drop off.
He stepped out with Portia still in his arms.
"Kentrell, I got her. I'll keep you posted, okay?" He said.
"Yeah, please," I replied.
He nodded his head. Thanked us for the ride and they disappeared into his house.
Before we pulled off. He turned to me and said.
"I don't think I want to know what happened. But I can probably guess. And what im guessing is correct, isn't it?" He asked.
I just closed my eyes tightly and laid my head back on the seat.
" Deja f***in Vu."
27
I walked into my bedroom and placed Portia down on the bed.
I went to take her shoes off but when I did her feet were bare.
I bent down and looked up at her.
"Portia,where are your shoes?" I asked.
She put her lips in her mouth.
She blinked slowly and looked away for a while and when she turned her attention back to me.
She hiccuped and gasped out a whisper
"They're at the party."
I held her hands as I hung my head.
When I looked up, she was crying.
"Baby."
I felt my own lips tremble just looking at her.
I leaned forward onto my knees and held her in a hug.
I felt her rubbing my back as I held her and I felt her grasp my shirt.
As I leaned out of her embrace and rested on my knees.
"Baby, I'm so sorry."
She placed one hand on my shoulder and the other hand under my chin.
"Kentrell?"
I slowly shook my head as I slid out my phone.
"Yes, I'll call him right now, baby, okay?"
I called Kentrell as I stared into her sad eyes.
As I heard the phone ringing stop.
I placed the phone into speakerphone mode.
"Hello?"
"Langston?"
"Hello?"
When she heard his voice her eyes lit up.
But I can see she's still shaken up from tonight's events.
"Hi?"
"Hi, baby. Did you call me on Langston's phone? What happened to yours, baby?"
"Kelly..... My bag was snatched off me. And so were my shoes!!!!"
She yelled into the air of the quiet room.
"Baby, wait don't get upset again, okay. Just try to relax, please."
"Joe has your bag and now I have it, okay?"
"Hello?"
She was lying back on the bed with her arm covering her face.
"Hello? baby"
"Uh, dude, she's crying again."
"Aww, man. I'm going to come over there. I'm going to call the guys and we'll be over there soon as possible, okay?"
"Alright, I'll see you."
"Aww, baby its okay, okay. You have us and everything will get better. Just remember you will always have us, especially me."
I said as I stood up, leaned over the bed towards her face, removed her arm from her face.
I kissed her forehead for a long time.
She fell asleep from all of the crying.
I don't even know if she heard anything about what Kentrell said.
I turned her around and placed her head on my pillow, covered her up with my comforter, kissed her temple before I left the room to go and wait for the guys to get here.
I know Kentrell will be here first, probably.
28
The guys were all sitting in Langston's living room.
They would all start talking all at once, tell at one another, and then get in each other's faces and then sit back down.
Then they would repeat.
This went on for about two hours.
Right now they are trying to piece together what happened and when each dropped the ball with Portia.
"Had he been a good boyfriend and looked out for his girlfriend maybe none of this would have happened." Langston accused.
Ken looked up.
"Fuck you."
"Nah, fuck yourself, bitch."
Kentrell stood up and snatched Langston out of his chair.
Langston looked at him with a dull look.
"Where was all this energy when you should have been protecting, Portia. You say you love her. But you can't even watch out for her. Don't say you love her because you obviously don't, bitch!!!!"
Langston spoke calmly.
Ken relaxed his face and slowly let Langston go as he sat back into his own chair.
"Langston, come on now. Chill out."
Julian said.
"Yeah, chill." Benjamin spoke up.
"Nah, he's right. I'm terrible as fuck. I bothered y'all all of eight grade about her. Y'all helped me get her. But now look what im doing. I'm fucking up. I'm no different than those dudes. Except I attacked her by myself. That's the only difference." Ken analyzed.
It was quiet after that.
Only Joe's light snoring could be heard as he slept on the outstretched loveseat with Portia's purse on his lap.
"We all dropped the ball. We failed her. She doesn't deserve us. She doesn't deserve such disasters in her life. We all need to fall back. We need to leave her completely alone. For good." Joe mumbled with his eyes still closed.
No one said anything, except for nodding their head in agreement.
"But I don't want to be left alone."
A small soft voice broke the silence of the room.
"Portia?" They all said in unison.
29
Joe got up from his chair and went over to her and handed her, her purse.
"It's for the best right now, okay."
He said as he hugged her and then stood to the side.
As Kentrell engulfed her into a tight embrace.
"It's over."
"Okay, im gonna miss your kisses, though."
She kissed him one last time.
For much longer.
As she hugged the rest of the guy's goodbye.
She disappeared out of Langston's front door with a small "bye" left hanging in the air as the door quietly shut behind her.
All the guys looked around at each other.
Kentrell and Langston looked the most distraught.
"Well, what do we do now?"
10 asked.
As the question hung in the air unanswered.
The guys all shook their heads because there just wasn't an answer that truly answered that question.
30
"Y'all done Let's go," Benjamin asked the group as he walked out of the store towards the guys on the bench.
The guys all nodded.
They began walking out of the mall.
As they walked they talked as well.
In the midst of their conversation
Joe said excitedly.
"Hey, we're about to pass it."
"Pass what? What are you talking about?" Three asked.
"What do you mean what am I talking about? We're about to walk right passed Portia's house. Isn't she going to be in the live stream with us?" Joe asked as he stopped in front of her steps and pointed up to her house.
Kentrell walked over and sat on the very bottom step.
"Baby Joe, remember what we all agreed on last week?" Kentrell asked.
Joe looked at him and then looked around at the other guys before he gazed up at the stairs that led to her front door.
"We promised that we would leave her alone because we have only caused disaster in her life." He said in a dazed tone.
"Yeah, exactly." 10 said.
"Yeah, we should go before she sees us. If she's even home." Three said.
"She's home," Kentrell said as he stood up, took one last glance, and began walking away.
"She's right there, just a few steps away. But now she's a million miles away." Joe said as he looked on at the house and then picked up his bags and ran to catch up with the guys.
The royal blue curtain swung closed and she moved away from her bedroom window.
31
"Alright, so we in here. Send your questions or just anything appropriate into the chat. We just gon chill on here and talk. So hit us up. We got Me, 10, Three, and BabyJoe."
Kentrell spoke into the camera as the guys surround him, all looking into the camera as well.
They watched as the chat moved quickly.
As they answered questions and talked generally about things.
The guys couldn't help but notice something was off.
Maybe something was missing. Maybe they needed to play some music.
Maybe they needed to get this afternoon's encounter at a particular someone's house out of the head.
Maybe they needed to dance for the fans watching.
Maybe they needed to finally come to terms that they all missed their baby and needed to get her back.
Why do you guys all look so sad?
"Why do you... You know what y'all we all look sad because we miss our friend. We let this friend go because we felt as though we weren't being such good friends to this friend. But you know what bros and to all the fans watching. Right now on our first live steam of many to come, we are going to go and get our friend. Y'all rolling, cuz we about to roll right now?" Kentrell asked taking charge of the situation.
The people in the chat agreed.
"Gentlemen, let's ride."
Joe said as he handed the handheld camera to Three.
Once they got outside they began running full speed.
By the time we got to Portia's doorstep, they were a sweaty, breathless mess.
Ken knocked and they all waited.
As the door opened, Portia cane into full view.
"Hi, can we come back to you, please?" Kentrell asked as they were all standing with their hands stretched out towards her, each hand holding a boxed item.
"Yes." She responded.
As she accepted their gifts and went to place them in her house, the guys all got off the ground.
When she came back she had on shoes and her purse.
"This time baby we'll be your bulletproof. No one will get to you before getting to us. Okay?" Ken said as he held her hand out of the frame of the camera.
"Okay."
The rest of us guys agreed, too.
The group decided to head to Julian's house, as The Ranger$, too were her friends and needed to be updated on the status of the friendship as well and now both groups together were in his huge game room downstairs in his house, giving their fans, who were followed them through the whole suicide mission and needed a full update.
"Alright, y'all followed us on a suicide mission. But mission accomplished. We got our friend back. We will be answering all of your questions on our next live stream. But for now, we will be filming videos for y'all to cope with until the next live. Alright, y'all WE OUT!!!!" Julian explained and then yelled as the live stream ended.
We all stood and pulled her into a long group hug.
Our baby is back.
32
We were at this party, just posted enjoying ourselves, dancing and laughing.
We've been hanging with these niggas. They were cool so far. They actually got on the game, unlike my brothers. So that was cool. We will see.
We weren't sure if we should have come here or not because of what happened at the last party.
We have Portia back now.
It's summertime, it's time to enjoy ourselves.
Also, we didn't bring Portia with us so it's cool.
It's just us guys partying together.
As I stood to the side against the wall watching Julian dance with some girl, he said he might as well dance, since Portia isn't here to dance with.
He keep saying the wrong thing to me.
She ain't yours, nigga.
So stop and stop it now.
I was cooling off because we had been dancing since we walked in.
Where I was standing was under the vent so the air conditioning was blowing me, so I was cooling off fast.
But just like that my body was a full blast, instant heat.
Across the room, I saw Portia walk right in front of me into the kitchen.
"Aye, I might be delirious but I swear I just saw Portia walk into the kitchen," I whispered into 10's ear as I leaned on his shoulder.
He nodded his head and began walking and grabbed Julian as he passed him and he who was confused grabbed me and pulled me with him.
As we entered the kitchen we were face to back with Portia.
As she turned around, we were all shocked because what is she doing here and how did she even get down here.
Also, the boyfriend in me came out and I wondered why she was traveling at night and what the f*** was she wearing.
I was about to ask her what she was doing here.
I heard the guys about to speak, too.
But we were all stopped and just kept staring at her, not believing we were looking right at her.
"Did you miss me?"
33
We were all looking at her.
I missed her so much.
"Did you miss me?"
She asked again.
"Of course."
I was cut off by Three entering the kitchen with Langston following right behind him.
"Hey, Portia you found them. Hey, y'all."
He slid next to her with his arms folded.
"Mmhm." She answered.
"They found me, I came in here for a drink." She explained.
He nodded his head looking at us.
She turned around at continued doing what she originally came in to do before we followed her in.
My eyes followed her around the kitchen as she moved around.
When she finally stopped moving, she had a plate and a bottle in her hand.
"There are chairs in the backyard."
She finished up her plate and floated passed us as she headed outback.
Three followed behind Joe out the door.
10 was the last to move towards the door behind Julian but he stopped when he saw I hadn't made an effort to move at all.
When he looked back at me, he saw my face as he came closer to me.
"What's up?"
I looked at him.
I couldn't hold my emotions anymore.
"I miss her, man." I choked out.
"Aww, n***a."
He came closer to me.
"I miss her so much, man."
He pulled me into a hug.
As he guided me to the back, he patted my back as I wiped my face.
I'm glad it was cool out there because my face dried off faster before I got to where everyone was.
As I sat down I noticed that I was sitting right next to her.
I couldn't help but gaze at her as she sat back and watched the bros talk.
I looked at her.
Her face turned to me, almost too quickly.
She leaned forward in her chair and over towards me.
"I missed you, too." She said to me.
"What?!"
I jumped up from my seat as the guys stopped talking and turned towards us.
"What?"
"What did you just say?"
I yelled at her as the guys tried calming me down.
"Aye, chill out bruh." 10 said.
"Yeah man, be cool," Three said.
"Nah, f*** this. You missed me? What the f*** you mean you missed me?!!!!" I asked her as I grabbed my chair and threw it.
As I heard it smash in the distance, I went towards her and I was about to grab her by her shirt.
When I went to do so, BabyJoe grabbed me into a sideways hug grip as he pushed and slightly carried me out of the backyard door towards the awaiting car.
He pushed me into the back seat as I looked through the window I saw 10 coming and behind him was Langston holding Portia's hand.
"And the n***a's holding her fucking hand. THAT'S MY FUCKING GIRL."
I became irate.
I pushed out of Joe's hold so quickly that he couldn't catch me.
I quickly opened the door and ran around the car.
As I got closer to them I snatched her out of his hold.
I pushed her behind me and faced him.
He looked confused as Three came in front of him trying to calm me.
"No, no, no, no, fuck that,"
I said as I dismissed everything he was saying to me.
When I ignored him he moved out the way and when he did he tried to grab Portia and take her away, so I pushed him down to the ground.
I told her to go to the car.
"Go to BabyJoe, okay?"
"JOE!!!!"
I saw Langston start to walk over, as he did I turned to an awaiting Langston.
"Man, fuck you!!!!"
I said as I punched him dead in his glasses as I did the glass broke on impact falling into his eyes as he fell to the ground.
"Bitch, nigga.!!!!"
I heard feet hitting the pavement as I looked over, I saw 10 running full speed towards me.
When he reached me, he looked down at a bleeding Langston and then back at me as he stood.
"What's wrong with you, man!!!!?"
Before I could answer him I heard a muffled squealing.
As I looked around I saw I was laying on the edge of my bed fully clothed and my phone was ringing off the hook.
"What the fuck was that?"
34
I came downstairs to see if the bros were down there.
As I looked around for them, I heard some talking outside on my front porch.
"Aye, if it isn't rock'em, sock'em himself."
Julian said as he saw me step out of the house.
"What's up?"
"Nothing, I see you up, you all rested up now?"
He asked.
I nodded my head.
I sat down on the steps sideways as I turned to face him and the guys.
"Tell me something, y'all. What happened yesterday?"
"Man."
BabyJoe said as he leaned forward with his hands on his knees as he began to explain how we were all at a party yesterday night.
Before I could ask, he assured me that Portia wasn't with us.
It was a boy's night out.
What he told me next is what caught my attention.
"Oh, n***a, Julian ass got into with his doppelganger. It looked like he knocked his self out."
10 said as he tapped him on his chest.
I turned to him.
"Word, what happened, man?"
He began to explain how he was tired of the n***a looking at him sideways all night so he stepped to him.
We were all laughing as he demonstrated how he stepped up to the dude.
"The best part was when we were in the backyard, chilling and dude came over again and he served his ass. I'm talking broken glass in his eyes and all. It was crazy." He explained.
What? That explains why I thought I fought because I was standing right next to the fight.
But if that happened then what happened with me and Portia, because I know I didn't yell at her or try to snatch her up like that.
"Aye, wait, hold up, hold up. What happened with Portia. Y'all said she wasn't there?"
"She wasn't. "
"So why do I feel like I saw her?"
"We stopped dancing and we ended up in the kitchen to get a soda or some water. You thought you saw Portia in there. That's when we ended going outside to completely cool off. You were probably delirious because you like everyone else was overheating in the house during that party."
That's true it was hot and it was crowded as soon as we got there.
"So What else happened?"
Before I could ask that.
Like the radiant beauty, she is.
She walked up to my house.
I came over to her and scooped her up into my arms.
I just gazed into her eyes as I held her.
She's so soft and warm.
"Hi."
She smiled as she said hi back.
I could not tear my eyes away from her for a second.
slowly let her go as I remembered I broke up with her.
Remember, she's not your girlfriend
"Hey, Portia I have it right here." BabyJoe said.
She walked around me and up to my porch as I turned around.
"What?"
"What are you talking about?"
I watched as Portia grabbed her bag off the swing and walked down the steps after saying bye to everyone.
I rushed behind her as she headed down the walkway towards the sidewalk.
"Hey, wait."
I grabbed her hand gently turning her to face me.
"So, we're over?"
I asked her.
"Yes. Remember that's what you said."
She answered.
What? But im in love with her. Why would I ever say that?
"But I'm in love with you, why would I ever say that to you?"
"I don't know."
She shrugged and turned to walk way again.
But I stopped her once again.
"Wait, but are we still going to be okay."
"Yes, sure."
I pulled her into a warm embrace.
"Please promise me, don't let me be alone."
I held onto her so tightly.
She rubbed my back as I leaned back to look at her face.
"Okay."
"Can I walk you home?"
Before she could answer Langston came over and picked her up.
"We need to talk right now."
He said as he carried her back to the porch and sat down with her on the chair he was previously sitting on.
"Okay, but if you were taking her to the porch you could've just walked her back up there."
I said.
"Yeah, but she likes being carried. She's our baby."
He said.
I nodded my head because that's true she is.
As I walked back up I stopped in front of them leaning again on the stone column that held the house together.
"You are so gorgeous, baby." I said as I leaned back on the stone, gazing at her chewing on my lower lip.
"Y'all lets go inside."
As the guy's walked in front of me.
She slid through the door in front of me.
As I slid the door closed.
I hope she keeps her promise.
35
The air was thick with passion.
As we both let each other just stare.
She looked away smiling.
I stuffed my hands into my front pockets as I watched her.
I couldn't help it.
I leaned onto the entrance of my closet just watching her.
Before they walked into the room as they got closer
I heard Langston.
"Aye,!!!!"
I heard movement as the guys moved down the hall closer to my room.
I motioned to be quiet and I slid behind the shelf in my closet, behind here I was able to go into my bathroom from here if I needed to.
"Aye,!!!! Where the fuck you at?"
Langston semi shouted.
Then it was quiet before his voice boomed.
"AYE YOU BETTER NOT BE ON THAT SHIT, N***A?"
I heard him yell as I hid further behind the shelf and as the door opened I heard him talking franticly again.
"AYE, N***A!"
Then he calmed down, im guessing when he saw only Portia and not us, his voice went back to normal.
"Oh, hey sweet baby?"
This nigga is asking to get hit.
As she began responding to him, I slid completely out from behind the shelf and did a small spin and slid into the bathroom through the camouflaged door masked as a piece of the wall.
I stayed in the bathroom as I waited for a while so it didn't look suspicious.
It had been about 30 minutes before I walked out of the bathroom through the hallway door instead and I went to the kitchen to get food.
When I walked back into my bedroom.
I slid next to her into my office chair.
"Here have some of my brownies, baby."
I said as I fed her.
"It's good, huh?"
She nodded as she chewed.
I nodded too as I finished the rest of it.
I stood up and I left to put the plates away in the kitchen.
36
I was sitting in my room when Kendell came in.
He slid next to me on the bed.
"You busy today?" He asked.
"Nah, why?"
"You're free all day and night, today?" He asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"Okay good. That's good."
"So tell me about Portia."
I leaned on his shoulder and got comfortable as I thought about my baby.
"Well...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So that's it."
I've been talking for a little while.
"Dang, are you sure that's all?"
"Haha, yeah I think so. That's all for now."
"Wow, man that's cool. She cools from what I've seen. I haven't been around here that much but I see how you been."
"Yeah, she's cool."
"That's cool."
He was about to get up from the bed so I moved my head from his shoulder.
He turned his head to me.
"Aye, y'all two not you know, right?"
"No, not at all."
"Alright, I had to ask because when that whole thing happened I noticed that you must feel strongly about her to go that extreme and almost go overboard."
I thought of that afternoon briefly when I lost my cool a little bit.
"Yeah, I went too far but I asked for her forgiveness. She accepted it."
"That's good."
"Yeah, and 10 set me straight. He fucked me up right over there."
I pointed to the spot on my bedroom floor where he tackled after seeing Portia face and he fucked me up.
I'm glad it happened in my room because I'll never forget it.
"As he should have. At least you learned your lesson."
He got up and walked to the door.
Before he could walk through the doorway I called his name.
"Aye, Ken."
"Yeah?"
"There's just one thing. She's not my girlfriend anymore."
I just remembered that we're not together anymore.
He walked back over and hugged as he said barely above a whisper.
"Kentrell"
As I cried into his shoulder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"DAMN!!!!"
"I'm telling you, it doesn't make sense."
"How doesn't it make sense, 10?"
"Because, nigga you are the one who said it was over then in the same breath you turn around and said that you're in love with her. That doesn't make any sense."
"But that's exactly how I feel!"
"So, you don't want to be her boyfriend but you also don't want to stop being in love with her either. Did I make sense of it?"
"Yes, thank you, Three."
"Okay, next subject, when school starts, she can freely date other niggas without you getting mad?"
"Yes."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Oh, that's your word."
"Don't do that, Joe. That's her thing. She says that."
"So, why can't I say it."
"I'm trying not to think about her."
"Go ahead and think because she's always going to be around. Unless you decide you don't want her to be."
"10, Ben10, Benjamin shut the fuck up."
"I'm just being realistic. You say you and her are cool? So you shouldn't stress about thinking about her. Focus on the fact that she might come through with a dude."
"Nah she won't because she hasn't dated anyone. He and her barely dated. He was too busy wanting her and then when he got her he gave her away."
"Three, stop."
Before I could go any further I heard a knock on my closed door.
The guys looked at me.
"It's probably Ken. He said he was coming back to chill with us."
"Come in."
As the door slowly opened.
There she was.
"Hi."
She went over to them and kissing them on the cheek.
When she got to 10 she hugged him and she started to tell him how she had already finished her summer packets. They laughed.
I didn't understand what was so funny about that.
Maybe it's an inside joke between them.
I must have been gazing at her a little too long because when I looked over at them they were both facing me.
"What?"
"She said hi."
"Oh, sorry. Hi."
"I just came to return Benjamin's erasable pencils that I used for the Art packet. Then I'll leave so you guys can continue your guys night in."
"Ok."
She was hugging the boys goodbye.
"Okay, I'll see you guys."
As she passed me sitting in the chair.
She ran her hand over the top of my head, down the back, and settled her hand on my neck, cupping it.
"Night, handsome."
See this is why I'm in love with her.
For the cute shit that she keeps doing.
How am I supposed to get over her and stop thinking about her when she's doing that? Exactly!!!!
"Damn, boy."
"I know. I know, 10."
"Aye, y'all Portia just said she's leaving."
"Yeah, so what?"
"Nigga, so? When she got here, we already had dinner, remember?"
We all looked at Three wondering what he meant by that.
When Joe jumped up and ran out of the room.
We all followed him.
When we got to the living room.
Portia was already lifted into his arms as he questioned her.
"So, you're leaving? Right now.?"
"Yes, I just said bye to you maybe two minutes ago."
"Okay, but it's dark outside. How were you getting home without us walking you?"
She looked down at him as she placed her hands on each of his shoulders.
She whispered a quiet soft
"I don't know."
"Exactly."
"Get your shoes on. So we can go."
He said as he placed her down onto the couch.
He crouched down in front of her and put her shoes on for her and then placed her bag around her shoulder across her body.
Then he pulled her up from the couch.
She looked at me before she asked. "Coming?"
I was speechless because of what I just observed.
She and him look so good together.
They look like a real couple.
We all head to her house.
As we made it to the bottom of her steps I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting to kiss her good night.
I know I couldn't do that.
As she climbed the steps and disappeared behind the door.
The guys patted me on my chest as they passed me, reassuring me that everything will work itself out in time.
As we headed back up the hill to my house.
I gave her house one final glance as I spotted her in the upstairs window.
As she noticed me noticing her she slid away from the window and the curtain closed covering the lit window in darkness as it blew the wind.
As it blew harder it revealed the opening of the window.
She was gone.
37
"So, what do you want to do?"
"Do about what?"
"Portia?"
"I'm just gonna keep missing her. That's what I'm gonna do."
I became quiet.
As I and Joe sat downstairs in the basement.
"I miss her so much."
"Fuck man."
I slammed my fists on my thighs as I stood up and began pacing.
I was thinking about how to turn us two around.
I tapped him as pointed my head towards the staircase.
We headed all the way upstairs to my room.
I needed my notebooks.
I needed to think this through.
I sat at my desk.
He jumped up onto the bed.
"No, I'm just posted as Langston would say."
"Haha, you're posted., huh, baby?"
When. I heard baby I turned around to face him.
He was laying on his side so when I turned he was facing me, well his phone was.
"Yes, im just posted."
"That's cool, baby."
"Are you by yourself?"
"Nah."
"Are you tired?"
"No, why?"
"I asked because you are laying down."
"Oh, im just relaxing."
"What about you, what are you doing?"
"I'm relaxing too."
"Portia, can you come over?"
"To your house, right now?"
He looked stuck on how to respond.
He placed his phone face down.
"It's muted. I'm gonna say im coming to pick her up but you're gonna be there not me. Go."
I nodded my head.
He picked up his phone again.
"Yes, come over here, please. You know what I'll come to pick you up, okay baby?"
"Okay. I'll be here."
"Alright, baby. See you soon."
He hung up and sat up.
"I'm gonna call the bros over." He said as he fiddled with his phone.
I still sat at my desk just watching him, in disbelief.
He looked up at me.
"What, nigga. What are you waiting for? Go don't keep your baby waiting."
He pulled me out of my chair and towards the front door.
As he put his phone against his ear.
He opened the door and pushed me out.
As the door closed I heard him talking.
"Aye, 10 brings the bros. We chilling tonight over here."
I headed down the hill towards Portia's house.
As I laid eyes on her staircase.
I climbed the steps.
I knocked softly.
I could hear her soft voice talking as she became closer to the door.
I sat on the stone railing near the doorway as I waited for her.
I heard a few voices that sounded like the bros but when I looked down at the street I didn't see anyone.
As I turned back around the front door slowly opened.
I stood up as it opened fully.
She looked up at me.
"Hi, sweetheart."
I came closer as we hugged.
I held her as I looked into her eyes.
"You're so beautiful."
"You came to pick me up?"
"Yes, I had to, baby."
"We're going to Joe's house?"
"Yes. Is that okay with you?"
"Yes, that's fine with me."
We walked in a comfortable silence up the hill.
As we approached my house I saw the bros standing on the sidewalk.
"Hey, is that our baby?"
"Yes, it is."
They all embraced her into a group hug even Joe.
He joined in the hug as if he wasn't the one who asked her to come over.
After they finished hugging.
She pulled me towards the group.
"I wanna go to the park."
Three explained that he knew about a huge park that also just opened a mall next to it.
I went inside to my house and got my keys.
They were waiting in the living room for me.
"I have my keys."
Portia walked towards the front door, opened it and pointed towards outside.
"Rough Riders, let's roll!!!!"
38
I couldn't help but think that it might really be over, and I know that I didn't want it to be.
I sat on top of the monkey bars watching Portia on the swings.
I shook my head.
No, I don't like this.
But what can I do?
And now with school starting tomorrow I know that dudes are going to be all in her face, just like 10 said.
But I don't want that.
But she knows and she told me that she doesn't even know why I broke up with her.
To tell the truth, even I don't know why.
I jumped down as I was called over there.
As I pulled off, I couldn't help the ringing deafening notion.
What can I do?
How can I fix this?
39
I checked my schedule that was taped to my locker door.
I had my notebooks for my first two classes of the day in my bag.
I put my other notebooks in order of my classes for the rest of the day so that I can just grab them and go.
I made sure I turned around my ID so that my face showed before I closed my locker.
I held my bag on my shoulder by the strap as I walked away and down the hallway to my first class of the day.
I opened the door that was closest to my seat.
I sat down and placed my bag on top of my desk, pulling out only my notebook for now, because today the teachers in all my classes were going to hand out my books, each period.
I hope that all the books are floppy so that I can be able to carry them home with ease, especially because this is the first year I'm taking the bus to school.
Even though I'm getting picked up after school, whatever I take home with me I have to bring back to school the next day.
I wish the school would give out two sets of books. One set to keep in my locker and the other to keep at home and the end of the school year we have to give both sets back.
It would be so much easier on everyone. Just have a notebook or one big binder for each class.
I put my name on the inside of my notebook and the first page along with the date and day.
I was so uncomfortable because I was hoping this was my seat for the year and I didn't have to move because this is the only left-handed desk.
I looked around at the setup of the classroom. It was okay. Two long rows of desks facing the middle of the room, creating a runway with the floor, for the teacher to walk around and see everybody and for us to see him.
I heard the door behind me open and I felt a slight wind pass as the person passed by me.
It was a boy and he sat down at the desk across from me.
It was my friend from b.o.o.t camp.
I looked at him as he took his stuff out of his bookbag.
I was waiting for him to start.
Every morning during b.o.o.t camp he would tap the chorus to "Dance, Dance," by Fall Out Boy using two pencils.
I was waiting for it because I finally heard the song and I knew the words I wanted to surprise by because before I didn't know it.
"We're falling apart"
"Hey, you know it." He spoke as he stopped tapping for a second before tapping quietly a second later.
"Yeah, I finally heard it. Before it would just be ending when I would realize it was playing."
"Aah, I see."
I nodded my head.
I didn't know what else to say so I stopped talking.
Both doors to the room opened up and the room was filled with students coming in.
I wonder if I can get the window seat instead of this one, that way no one can sit behind me. But I also don't like to wear my glasses in public yet so I need to be upfront and as close to the board as I can.
I held my pen in my hand as I waited for class to start, I don't know where to look because now that the seats are filled across from me, it feels as though everyone is so up close and personal but we're not.
I saw a white hand covering my notebook paper.
I looked up as the hand moved away, the teacher was standing in front of me, leaning down a bit.
"How did you know this was your assigned seat?" He asked as he smiled at me with a clipboard in his other hand.
When I looked further I could see my name "Portia seat 6."
I didn't want to say, so I just smiled.
"Good job, you're already using your smart brain even on the first day." He said as he put my textbook on top of my notebook, tapped it, and walked away.
"Okay, class welcome, the happy first day. Let's start with everyone besides Robert and Portia lining up against the closets, so I can get you into your assigned seats."
Well, nice to meet everyone I thought as I was singled out anyway.
40
180 minutes, every morning.
I'm surrounded.
I'm stuck.
I have my friend Robert across from me and then there are three boys sitting next to me.
One behind me and two to the left of me.
I'm not sure how long this is going to be but for now, this is how it's going to be for homeroom, first period, and third period.
I know I'm uncomfortable because it's so many boys and I feel like im in the center of them but im not.
I just need to find an organic place to live that is comfortable for me.
I want to just be free and comfortable but I think it's because I don't know how to start conversations without being stiff and awkward.
I don't like that.
What im going to do is just be me as I am when I'm alone in my room at home because I don't like this stiff robotic feeling I get especially around boys or people I don't know.
It's enough of the puff and stuff.
It's showtime, baby.
I'm gonna be myself and if I get embarrassed or embarrass myself, then so be it.
Living in fear is for middle school Portia.
No more running scared.
I'm a dynamic bitch, fuck being scared.
41
"Portia. Uh, Portia, I'll learn how to pronounce your last name by tomorrow, okay?"
My teacher said as he handed me my journal and notebook and an extra set to hand to my neighbor behind me.
I turned to hand him his set of notebooks.
I turned back around and I reached for my bag that was on the other side of my chair, dangling.
I wanted to use my glitter blue pen that works like a permanent marker.
My mommy got them for me so I can write my name in my textbooks and such that I will be receiving today.
"As I said these two notebooks are for these two classes. One is for this period, there will be a quote or something on the board and you all will have to write what you think or what comes to mind. Then we will discuss it. The second notebook is for the next period but if you already have your notebook then you can use that but just know the notebook is there if needed or you can use it for another class. It's up to you but remember one is for journaling. Today is a free day and we will just start fresh tomorrow."
I was writing in my notebook that I already had with me.
I was going to put my name in all my books and notebooks later.
I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I ignored it because of how close the desks were I figured it was just an accident.
But I felt two more quick taps again.
I turned around.
"Hi, I think these are yours." The boy behind me said as he held out two notebooks to me.
I took them and then I looked at the ones on my desk.
I put the ones in my hand on my desk, switching them out for his two and I turned again.
"Here you go, sorry."
He took them out of my hands.
He nodded his head as a thank you.
I turned back around, unsure of what to do. We pretty much had free time until the next class which was in the same room.
42
"Okay, so before you are dismissed, these are your brand new planners and newly printed schedules, I know that you were given your schedules over the summer but just in case you need a new one, here a few copies of it to keep in each notebook, on your ID, and in your locker, too. Please use your planners, too. They come with a fancy pen. Staying organized is key. Okay, as you can see the third period is next. You will be going right out either door and right across the hallway. It's almost time to go. You can go ahead and head over to the next room. Everyone, please make sure you have all of your stuff before you leave."
I sat down closest to the window in the only left-hand desk.
This wool sweater in this late August-early September heat is no joke.
I switched my notebooks and I checked my schedule and this is Math class.
So purple notebook it is then.
I felt the wind kick up and I felt the sweat on my lower back instantly cool off and dry up.
I felt another gush of wind next to me.
Oh, okay so Julian is in this class.
That's good to know.
Uh-Oh and Langston, too.
"Alright, we're going to be starting soon. So, everyone take a seat."
And it looks like there isn't any assigned seating.
Hmm, in hindsight this might pose a problem.
43
Damn!
I thought I was on time.
How the fuck do I keep getting stuck across the room?
She really showed up and showed out.
I'm so sorry baby that you're stuck sandwiched between them two.
Don't worry baby your man is coming to save you from having a horrible school year.
Today in this very class, is the last time that I am going to be away from my love.
Here I come, baby!
44
I sat on the staircase with 10, and Joe. We were waiting on Three.
I couldn't help but think of where her locker could be, as I noticed that there was a set of lockers right across from the staircase.
Whoever has those lockers are in quite a convenient location.
I sifted through the groups of peoples they walked by hoping to get a glimpse of her.
I couldn't ask 10 and Joe about her locker location because I didn't want to be too obvious of my plan.
I just sat silently watching.
"Y'all ready?" Three asked as he placed his blazer back on.
We all nodded as we headed to the assembly.
I wonder what this is about to be?
45
The principal stood at the podium about to begin the assembly after having to wait for everyone to settle down and quiet down as well.
I leaned over, laying on my knees as I sat forward, holding my hands clasped together.
The principal tapped the microphone once and was about to begin, I focused my eyes on the floor and was intrigued by how I could vaguely see myself on the shiny floor.
I heard the clank of the heavy doors opening as the sunshine from outside shone in, creating a silhouette of whoever this latecomer was.
As I watched on intently, the doors closed with a loud bang, revealing the person in the normal lighting of the assembly.
Shuffling and skipping could be heard against the floor as the person discretely maneuvered further into the room.
I felt a soft warm piece of flesh brush against my forearm as that familiar scent filled my nostrils.
With a tilt of my head, my eyes were embraced with unimaginable beauty.
"Hi."
We both whispered in unison to each other.
46
"I miss the to-go boxes."
She said as she opened her chocolate milk jug.
