An Introvert's Love

7

Yura

The next morning I woke up feeling my head throbbing and eyes heavy. I struggled to get up from my bed but somehow I brought myself to the restroom where I rinsed my face with water and brushed my teeth.

I took slow steps through the stairs reckoning about my past. Why can't I just leave it there!? It's so depressing. I wanted to let it go, the past, but it keeps on chasing after me like I'm its prey. It's literally draining all my energy.

"Finally, you got up! Take a look at the time, it's 10.30 AM", my mom shouted making me more disturbed than I already was."sorry ma" I said sitting on the chair which is placed near the dining table and staring up at her fuming face with an apologetic look. Without any more words, she went into the kitchen.

I had my breakfast in silence, the silence which seemed to be ringing so loud in my head.

My heartbeat rose instantly and I battled with myself to resist the tears from abandoning my eyes.

Why am I always crying? I have got good parents, good grades and I have adequate food to eat. That's enough to live right? What more else do I need? Like people say.

I need something that I couldn't comprehend in words.

I sometimes really wonder why am I like this. I am always either gloomy, miserable, or tensed.

"Yura, have you eaten?" I blinked my tears out, wiping them hurriedly. She peeked through the kitchen and smiled at me. I returned it.

She walked out of the kitchen and sat near me watching dramas after turning on the Television. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her eyeing me. My gloomy self appeared again.

"Why do you always have a grim expression on your face?"She questioned frowning her eyebrows.

I shrugged like it was nothing, maybe it actually was, but for me, it wasn't. I felt it again, all the pent-up emotions rushing to my eyes in the form of tears. I took in a shaky breath to resist them and left the table with my plate watching my mom getting zoned out into the drama.

I begun to wash all the dishes gathered in the sink letting my tears out while doing it. I cried throughout the whole time and finally when I was done with washing it all well and clean, I started to my room taking mom's phone with me. I don't have my phone yet. She said she would buy me one when I am passed out from my school.

Once I entered my room, I sat on my bed and opened google in the phone.I typed why am I always crying? The results were nothing new,it said that I might be depressed or I must have had a traumatic past.

It made me even more irritated and I laid on my bed holding the phone in my hand.

What is it that I should do to overcome this depression? Common answer is share your problem with your loved ones. What the hell should we do when they don't even get you?or when you don't have one?

Meeting a therapist was not at all a good idea, my parents would be more than panicked if I tried to speak to them about it. So it's a big noo.

I should solve it myself. But how the hell should I do it? What do I really need to do to make me feel good of myself?

Above all I am so damn poor in constructing words to speak.So how could I possibly explain the feeling I am having?I don't have anyone that I can explain it to, so I think it's fine.

Stopping my thought process,the phone pinged two times indicating messages,I unlocked it and saw two messages from Rana. He was my dad's best friend's son. The message said that my Dad's phone was switched off due to no battery and he had told Rana to inform that he will be not able to come to home. Great!Just great!

I sent ok and informed my mom about dad.

The phone pinged again,it was again from Rana. "Aunty, you didn't ask me about my whereabouts this time,have I done anything wrong?"the message read,I scrolled up to find that my mom was in good terms with Rana literally there was a lot of messages.

He must have got worried when I just send ok and went offline. My mom and dad used to talk about him often and the great part is where they both even wished him to be born as their son. It's almost more than five years since I last saw him. Because of my anxiety and antisocial behavior I didn't pay much attention to any people,I would hung my head low and sit near my parents whenever I go out to any functions.

So to be honest,I don't know how he actually looks,what he is doing nothing except for his name .I denied to visit our relatives that my parents would suggest and they will end up going alone there leaving me either in my grandma's house or my grandma would come here to look after me.

He messaged again sensing no reply "sorry If I had done anything wrong aunty" I felt so bad ,so I messaged him back stating that it was not her and it's her daughter Yura. There's no friend for me to message and there's literally no use for me to play with phone often so it was hard for me to search and click each letters in the keyboard,I struggled to find the letters and finally when I was done forming the proper words I sent it.

Then there came an most unexpected message.