Shape of My Heart

Chapter 1

I had met everyone in the cast of Outer Banks a few months before the show aired...

I was on vacation with my family where they were filming, one night at a club while dancing I had met these girls coincidentally named Maddie and Maddie(for reference Maddie Cline will be MC and Maddie Bailey will be MB). They had introduced me to some other people they had come with and we all ended up hanging out the entire night. I was drawn to blonde boy who I had learned was Rudy, the comedian of the group, we both had similar personalities as in we both loved to joke and just act plain stupid.

More than likely I would have never had the courage to talk to them had I not been a tad tipsy, the alcohol in my system numbing the growing anxiety. You see I'm not like other girls...I'm not skinny, definitely not as beautiful as MC and MB, and while people told me all the time I was fun to be around...I couldn't see it.

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I was in college back in my hometown, luckily still able to keep in contact with everyone. We all had a group chat, and of course several other chats. I tried to talk to them every day, but of course they were actors and were constantly busy. I had school to focus on as well, but what didn't stop was mine and Rudy's conversations. We talked all day every day, sometimes even finding time to call and FaceTime. He kept me up to speed on all his projects and what he has planned for his future. I loved how ambitious he was, not afraid to chase his dreams.

MC and MB were convinced he had a thing for me, of course I denied it. How could someone like Rudy Pankow, a famous actor want someone who looks like me? Wide hips, love handles, back rolls, bubble butt, and a chubby face....I have never been in a relationship before, so I didn't necessarily know how to tell if a guy was in to me or not. But anytime I had talked to someone and got close to them, they would find some way to break my heart. Saying they 'aren't into fat girls', 'I'm just not ready for commitment', or 'I think you're sweet, but you aren't my type'. So naturally, I pushed away any thought of having a chance.

"Guys we're just good friends, nothing more." I sighed, on a FaceTime call with MB and MC.

"Y/n....guys don't talk to a girl every second of the day if he wasn't interested!" MC exclaimed, Chase agreeing in the background.

"Hey, no comments from the peanut gallery. This is girl talk!" I laughed.

"You know Rudy isn't the social type y/n, something is going on there." MB raised a brow.

"We have the same sense of humor that's all, I'm sure he has plenty of other lady friends. I see what the fans comment." I said, brushing it off like it didn't bother me.

"Elaine just likes to take pictures, and Lilah is like a sister to all of us." MC sighed.

"I'm not like upset about it, I'm just saying he has better options." I mumbled, turning my gaze away from the camera.

"What do you mean by that?" MB asked, a confused look on her face.

"You know girls that don't look like me...girls that are what society considers beautiful." I scoffed, shaking my head.

"There's nothing wrong with how you look! You are drop dead gorgeous my love! Besides I don't think Rudy is the type to look into that, I think he likes you because you all are so similar." MB said, smiling into the camera.

"Trust us y/n." MC grinned.

"Well, it's not like I can do much, I'm here and y'all are in L.A.." I chuckled.

"We will fly you out here on your breaks or whenever you want! We're all dying to see you!" Chase yelled into the camera, coming into view.

"You just want me to beat your ass at Rummy again." I smirked, sticking my tongue out as he huffed.