fOoL fOr YoU (Zarry) *discontinued*

5.0

a cigarette is lazily hanging from harry's lips, his head's tilted back, and there's music playing from somewhere. he's not quite sure where, but it sounds nice. like something zayn would listen to. sing along to. he smiles a bit, plucking the cigarette away and exhaling slowly.

he's been feeling a bit low since leaving last night. no, actually, he has been feeling low since before that. last year, maybe? but it's been worse since last night. like he's under water, like all the air has been taking out of his lungs. and he's just there. waiting for it to come back.

"you're doing this to yourself, you know?" calum calls out from the door way, with his arms crossed over his chest. harry looks at him briefly, then looks away again.

"doing what?" he asks, taking another drag, looking at calum from the corner of his eye. they haven't spoken in a while now. the boy shrugs, silent for a few moments.

"this. everything. i don't know whether one of you is a fucking psycho or the both of you, but even a blind person could see that you're hurting yourselves," calum says. "i mean, does it, like, feel good to you? do you have some sort of messed up pain kink? is that it?" harry laughs slightly, shaking his head.

"i've always thought you," he points his cigarette at calum, "were a funny one. you never do it on purpose, it makes it funnier."

"why do you do it? i know that if i ask zayn, i'll either get an 'i don't know' or a rant about how he loves you so. but why do you do it?" calum asks, sitting down on the desk chair.

"why are you with niall?" harry retorts, taking a drag. "why is louis with luke? why is anyone with anyone?"

"cause i love him. cause he makes happy and a better person, and i know damn well that neither of you do that for one another. so why do you do it? why do you keep going back? what are you even doing?"

"why do you love him?" harry asks, raising his eyebrow as he looks at calum. calum sighs slowly, trying to keep his calm.

"because niall is so fucking amazing and he takes care of me, and treats me gently, and he looks at me like i mean something. because he makes me want to love him," calum says. harry hums, pulls a face and nods thoughtfully. after a moment he points at a sweater on his desk.

"that's your sweater, isn't it?" calum hesitantly nods. "then how come every time i put it in your closet, it somehow always ends up in mine and zayn's again?" harry would like to say it's only his, but at least half the clothing in there is zayn's. so it's isn't just harry's closet, it'll always be zayn's, too.

"it's cause— cause i gave it to zayn," calum says. "why won't you answer my question?"

"why did you give it to zayn?" harry asks, ignoring calum's question. he knows he's irritating the boy, but honestly, who cares?

"i don't fucking know, cause he asked for it!" calum exclaims, throwing his hands up. "why won't you answer my damn questions?"

cause he asked me to! cause i asked him to. we were sixteen, dumb kids, and we asked each other to stay. for worse or for better. when we're both a mess, or when either of us fucks up. we asked each other to stay throughout that. to come back if we ever left. to keep one another's heart, cause we didn't— we don't want anyone else to have it. cause his heart's safer in my poisonous hands than it would have been in anyone else's. cause mine is safer in his than it would have been in fucking kendall's.

"cause i don't feel like it," harry says. "why are you bothering me, calum?"

"cause you're sulking! it's bothering me!" calum exclaims. a bit childishly, if harry's honest. "do you want to go out? we could go to the movies? something? anything?"