Intrigued [L. Ackerman x Reader x Eren]

Chapter 30: Numb

TW: Depression, slight mention of suicide.

It has been three weeks since the Halloween party. Your days have consisted of going into work, cleaning, eating take out, then going to bed. Work at the bar has been slow lately. Levi has barely been in the office, leaving all the administrative tasks and cleaning to you to complete. Actually, you haven't seen much of Levi at all since the night of the party. That night, which started as blissful, ended with you crying yourself to sleep. Every time you asked Levi what was going on with him, he would deny anything at all or just avoid seeing you all together.

You lay in your bed, the silky sheets caressed your skin softly as they kept you warm. You stared emptily at the white ceiling above your bed. Chirps rang outside your window as the birds began to stir early in the morning. You remained still, your body not having the motivation to move. Your phone vibrated, it slowly moved inch by inch on your nightstand. Your body stayed still as you slowly turned your neck to stare at your phone. An alert for text popped up on your screen.

Levi:

I don't need you at work today. Have the day off.

You blinked slowly as you turned to stare back at the ceiling. The tightness in your chest almost felt debilitating. You took slow, deep breaths to calm yourself as your eyes began to gloss over. You sat up from your bed, now staring at your feet that were tucked away under your covers. You looked to your window, now wondering how long you have been laying in your bed awake. Your feet hit the cold floor, causing goosebumps to cover your entire body. "I need a drink." You thought to yourself as you massaged your temple with your fingers. You picked back up your phone as you began to look through your contact list and hit dial.

"Hello?? Y/N? Is everything okay? Where are you??" Eren breathlessly questioned.

"Hi. Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted to see if you were working today?" Your voice monotone as you spoke. You could hear a breath escape Eren's mouth through the speaker of your phone.

"Yeah, you should swing by today. I'm here all day with Connie too. It's gonna be pretty busy since it's a Saturday, I'm surprised your not here." He responded nonchalantly but obviously trying to pry. Your shoulders shrunk forward.

"Levi gave me the day off, but I think I'm going to come by. I need a drink." You bit the inside of your cheek.

"It's never too early to drink. I'll hook you up, so come by whenever you feel like it!" Eren cheerfully spoke.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." You hung up before Eren could respond. You sat back down on the edge of your bed as you stared at the wooden floor so you could gather the strength to get dressed. It was harder than normal to get dressed recently. It felt as though it took all your energy to just put on socks. But, you did it. You continued to keep doing it. Every day that passed and you wrestled with your emotions, you kept showing up. You kept thinking about your mother. The day you found her. It wasn't easy back then either, but you knew you had to keep going. You had to live the life that she never got to finish. You couldn't let her down. You wrapped yourself in a slouchy, knitted sweater that was two sizes too big for your body. You slid your feet into your black Doc Marten's and laced them up tightly. When you finished, you stood tall and tilted your head to the ceiling with your eyes closed as you took a deep breath in. You exhaled through your mouth as you brought your head back down, now staring at your bedroom door.

You managed to make it to the bar in one piece, not fully being aware of how you got there, but regardless you made it. Your eyes wandered outside around you, taking in your surroundings. Most of the day seemed to have passed before you had even realized it. The sun was close to setting. You peered your head around the bar. Levi's car was not in sight. From the sidewalk you could see Jean leaning by the entrance, you assumed he was standing by the door so he could stay where it was warm. Usually Levi would not like that and would tell him to stand outside like he was supposed to, but with him not being here Jean probably thought he could hide inside for once. As you approached the door Jean noticed you out of the corner of his eye, quickly shuffling so he could open the door for you. Jean stared into your empty eyes as you walked in. "So nice to see you, Y/ N. It's been too long." Jean said as he grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles lightly. The corner of your mouth raised slightly, the closest you've gotten to smiling in the past three weeks.