The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The Battle Royale With Cheese ~ Part 2

"Mr. Messina-Park!" yells Principal Strickland, but Jin puts one of his beefy yaoi hands on her mouth to shut her up.

A video starts playing, one with Braiden, wearing the same suit he's using, walking in front of a green screen of a swirling world. "Hello, Kittens! It's me, daddy! Also known as Braiden Messina-Park."

An idiot behind us says "Hello" to the video before being shushed off. "See, for years, both schools have mismanaged funds from clubs to funnel towards dumb sports programs, expensive dinners for the PTA, and, in one particular case, a very expensive custom fursuit."

I swear I can see daggers coming from Principal Strickland's eyes staring down at Principal Dickweed. I kinda feel for him, as one would feel for a baby getting scared by a fast-moving blanket.

"But no more!" continues the video. "Why should schools have the say on who can form a club or not? Why do some clubs have more money than others? Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow?"

"Yeah!" a few people cheered, which I think are part of the Communist Club. They throw amazing parties, because ain't no party like a communist party.

The green screen behind Braiden turns into a flaming inferno, complete with a stock image watermark at the corner. "Face it, kittens. High school is not fair. The popular kids bully the nerds, the nerds bully the new kids. There is always someone suffering! But not because we want to, but because the school wants it that way!"

"Yeah!" yelled a new batch of people. Mostly new kids and nerds.

"They have the power to stop the bullying. They have the power to achieve true equality! But no. They want to tell you what to do, and when to do it. We are young people, for fuck's sake! We shouldn't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom when we are months away from choosing what career we will pursue for the rest of our lives!"

"Yeah! Let's shit on the floor!" yells a girl on the other side of the bleachers. And now she is perhaps the only person a new kid can bully.

"Well, today is our day of revolution! The school has failed to uphold their end of the bargain. Time to take the bull by the horns!"

"And yerk it off!" yells a boy that I hope is from the animal husbandry club.

The background changes to a tournament bracket with different teams in the background crudely duking it out. "Introducing the 'School Club Battle Royale,' a tournament where clubs will compete against each other in a series of 10 challenges, battle-royale style! The last team standing after each of the challenges will receive a $2000 donation towards their club, and only their club. $20000, ten challengers, ten winners, all for grabs. Only the best of the best kittens will be able to have the funds to keep their club afloat. Those who don't will have to join the winner's club, and submit to their rules."

"Ah, so that's how it is," I say to Hayden. "What's the trick here? Braiden wouldn't do this from the kindness of his heart. Brayden? Any insight?"

"bitch's making moolah out of this, somehow," says Brayden. "i'll find out how. something smells funky."

"I think that's me," says Hayden, blushing. "Haven't had a shower."

Is it that simple? You have to remember, dear hypothetical reader, that Braiden is in cahoots with the SoCal sociopath Aiden, and last time I read the final chapter of season 2, they were scheming. This is a setup. But I don't know what for.

"Of course, the alternative is not playing, be in violation of school code, and face disciplinary action," says the Braiden video. "But, you know, you do you. For more information, please visit . Sign-ups will start tomorrow, and will run until the end of the week. Back to you, Braiden, you sexy devil."