The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The Déjà Vu

The water around us rises slowly, enveloping us, submerging us deeper, yet deeper. I hold my breath the best I can, but the pressure building around me squeezes my thorax. My rock-hard abs work as a detriment, giving me no wiggle room against the atmospheric pressure. It doesn't take long until my lungs give in, and I take a mouthful of weird magic ocean water.

But I don't drown. Far from it, I can breathe just fine. I shat myself for nothing. Honestly, by the deadpanned faces of everyone, I could've guessed this was some Evangelion LCL-type of liquid you can breathe in.

While everything has a dull blue tint to it, I can see the water solidify into clumps and shapes of all sizes, starting with a huge statue of Jesus, bench-pressing a cross? Somehow, that's the weirdest thing I've seen all day.

A room soon forms around me, with a weight-bench, running machines, one of those escalator machines that feel like a Sysiphus Simulator, and other weight-based machinery one would find in a typical gym. Except for the Jesus statue. That's odd.

Another odd sight is the half-dozen semi-transparent people inside said room, people I've come to know and mildly tolerate. There is Brayden, standing on a weight-bench, looking at his cellphone; there's Hayden, wearing a white tuxedo, and me, wearing a half-burnts leather jacket and my underwear; there's Jungkook and Harry, watching over Lee/Farfallah/Fortuna, who is tied to a machine press; lastly, there is Okayden, fully transformed, holding the entrance of the gym, which bulges inwards every few seconds.

"Okay, you had my curiosity," I say to the Goddess, still fending Aiden's groping hand, "and now you have my attention. Explain, wench."

Fortuna steps in front of shade-me and shade-Hayden, looking at the pair with disdain. "In this loop, we went ahead with the battle royale. A simple game of paintball, really. But numbnuts over here," she says, pointing at shade-Brayden, "burned the school down the second you were going to lose. This kid's answer to everything seems to resort to petty arson."

Yeah, that tracks. From make-up factories to schools. That's Brayden for you. Glad to hear he's a menace no matter what universe he is from.

"No matter," says Aiden, that smug bitch, "we use that opportunity to fake my death, as I was also involved in this loop, but in the end, it got pinned on you. On us. Which is fine. It was a nice way to separate you two. Jayden decided to go on the run rather than face the consequences of his actions."

"Separate my asscheeks, you toothpaste-smelling fuck! Of course, because it's not your life, you can get to play God with me, huh?!" I yell.

"All our lives have been ruined, old chap," says a british-looking Aiden, with crooked teeth and pale skin.

"Just as Alxxiiden says," says Aiden. "We all have our lives ruined. Join the club."

"By you!" I point out. "Your life got ruined, and you decided to ruin everyone else's life!"

"Potato, tomato, same difference," says the goddess. "The problem is that, without a school to attend, Hayden's father decided to put him to work with his mechanic friend. A car falls on him on the eve of turning twenty-three during a botched oil change incident. So, we had to re-start."

"Of course, we really weren't going to let another Aiden suffer," says a Girl-Aiden, with big bazonkas. Huge bandokadonkadoos. A big pair of Hikorikonkodobongos. Huge mamamerikorondarinos. "We offered him to join us. He declined, blaming us for his misfortunes, which, in reality, he's kind of right."

"Now now, Axixden," says Aiden, wagging his finger playfully, "we are doing this for Hayden, not for us."

"That seems like a thinly-veiled justification to mess with somebody else's life," I say.