A week lol. We made it a week but the vibe just wasn't there. I just wanted to be crazy and plan a trip to see you. But you showed no interest. I cannot be with someone whom doesn't fight for me. Whom cannot fix one small thing that gives me so much anxiety. The amount of ptsd I have from our earlier days is insane. I wish you understood I just wanted to love you. But I deserve effort too. I deserve someone to want me.
You can't just sext me either and just act like it never happened. That used to be the best moments on the phone. When I told you what I had to say. I laid my head down and sobbed. Because I wanted you to feel everything I did. I wanted you to understand you were it for me. All I ever wanted. And now I have to force myself to let go because I'm unsure that you're able to love me how I deserve. I just wanted your attention and not to feel like such a burden. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. And I wish I was. And I wish I could make you feel all the things you just don't anymore. I hate that.
We've just ruined eachother. That's the point I've come to. And I know we didn't mean to. But it happened and idk how to repair myself and if I can't repair myself I cannot repair you. I love you always. But I need to be done. For your sake and my own. I'll probably go to bed every night screaming again. Crying. But one day it will subside. Idk when but it will. Back to sleepless nights. Thanks for helping me get some sleep by having open conversation w me the last week. It was nice.
Goodnight. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
YOU ARE READING
2.5 Years
Non-FictionSomeone has told me that you grieve someone for half the time you've known them or longer. I don't want to grieve that long however this is my progress as to how I'm feeling.
