Screaming. My heart is absolutely wrenching and screaming for you.
"So, I've been thinking that I think too much
And I can't sleep, but I can dream of us
And I've been seeing shit, like horror cuts
It's burning down, I gotta drown this out"
Gravity by Eden.
That song DESTROYS ME. I haven't listened to it lately. I've been too bad at you.
The life we could have had flashes through my mind when I listen to it.
The fights. The good. All the fucking good.
What it would be like to see you be a father figure to my son.
What it would be like having our daughter. I just know we'd have a little girl. Brown hair and brown eyes.
What it would be like saying "I do" at the courthouse and eloping on a trip to somewhere beautiful together.
It BREAKS ME. This whole thing does. Completely.
I just wish I could hold you. God. Please. That's all I've ever fucking wanted.
Why can't it be easy. Loving eachother. It is too hard for absolutely NO REASON.
I dream of you. Because I have to. I drink. Because I have to drown it.
I love you with every fucking inch of my heart. I hate that I can't have the one thing I want.
I would be fine losing everything if I had you.
Please understand. I never asked to be this way.
YOU ARE READING
2.5 Years
Non-FictionSomeone has told me that you grieve someone for half the time you've known them or longer. I don't want to grieve that long however this is my progress as to how I'm feeling.
