Crown Of Lies || Kim seungmin

17

While those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more.

Chan was the later kind, he didn't liked to make a show out of his pain and most of the times you wouldn't notice that he was hurting.

Well, Minho was an exception. He knew when Chan was hurting, he knew when the prince wanted some comfort and when to leave him alone.

Chan stared out of the plane, they left for New York as soon as possible. He and Jaeun worked quickly for them to leave the country while the others were making sense of their reality and that meant , Chan didn't had time to experience the grief.

"And still, after all this time'

The sun never says to the earth, 'You owe Me.'

Look what happens with

A love like that,

It lights the Whole Sky."

Minho said this to him one particular day when they both had gone out for some coffee. It was a regular thing for Minho to tell Chan about the beautiful things he read in his spare time.

Chan didn't really thought anything much of it until now, now he wished Minho would say something. Anything.

His soul yearned to hear Minho talk to him, to come over and ask him if he was doing okay, to just be there with him.

"Is he doing okay?" Jaeun tapped on Seungmin's shoulder, asking for Hyunjin.

Seungmin shaked his head in dismay.
"How is Jeongin doing?"

"We talked for a while and then he sat with Chan." Jaeun explained. "He is sad but can handle himself well. You should stay with Hyun."

"Are you okay, Jaeun?"

"I have learned to deal with deaths. I am okay. " Jaeun said, quietly as she turned around to go to her seat.

"Learning to deal with something doesn't mean it hurts any less."

Seungmin watched as Jaeun went back, he knew there wasn't much he could do for her and now, he probably can't even look after himself well.

Seungmin's words ran through Jaeun's mind.

'Afterall, it still hurts just as much. He is right.'

She heaved a sigh and closed her eyes.

A long day of travelling, spying around such a dangerous area, Coming to know she had been working with the prince's all along, losing Felix and travelling again.

She missed her uneventful, quite life of working in the museum, preparing for entrance exams. That was all she wanted in her life but looking at it now, her life has been turned upside down.

Well, it was like that for her. Whenever she was close to making her life normal, something would happen again.

She wondered if this was fate. That she wasn't meant to be happy, that she wasn't allowed to get close to people, that she was a curse ,herself.

She imagined how it would be like if she didn't exist, if she wasn't breathing here in place of the people she loved.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Jaeun opened her eyes and looked at Seungmin who came over to sit next to her.

"Shouldn't you take care of yourself? I know Changbin was important to you."

"Listen, I know you hate me but it's okay to admit your feelings and talk about it." Seungmin said, carefully taking her hand in his's. "Sharing things makes the burden lighter. All of us are supporting each other but if you keep yourself shut, how will you heal?"

Jaeun glanced at him.

"Your should feel it, you know? When you hurt yourself physically, you cover them up in fear of infection at first but gradually you gotta open the bandage, let it breathe and heal .

You should let yourself heal emotionally too, closing up everything will create unwanted pain. "

"I-" Jaeun coughed a little, her throat was terribly dry. "I just feel like I don't deserve to live when people who wanted to live had to die."

"But would they want you to die?"

To that Jaeun kept quiet.

Seungmin sighed as he drew circles in her palm, it calmed him down and he hoped it would take things off her mind as well.

"I am sure Felix told you to be okay, right? Do you perhaps ...feel guilty about it? That he doesn't get to live like you?"

"How did you know?"

"Jaeun, I understand your everything."

Seungmin looked at her eyes, holding back so much.

"Your courage, your despair; your kindness, your pain, your resentment, your hate, your intelligence, your foolishness.

If I could, I would have you use me as your stepping stone, the person you kill to feel at ease, the sinner who deserved the butchering of a million knives.

After everything that happened to you because of me, to die in a battle for you will be my greatest honour."

Those words were like a fatal blow. The tears in Jaeun's eyes could no longer be restrained, and they came pouring out.

Like she was hanging on the thread of her life, she finally admitted.
"I don't hate you, Seungmin. I have realized that it wasn't you guys..but it still hurts, you know? Is it bad?"

Seungmin shaked his head,
"You cannot label everything black and white, emotions can be grey and that's okay."

"We will be okay, right?"

"Hmm." Seungmin pushed a few strands of her hair aside. "Do you want a hug? Changbin used to say hugs make things better."

Jaeun nodded.
"I am sure Changbin didn't lie."

To lose a loved one is inevitable, it would definitely happen someday but to have people who can help you get over it, to help you move on, to pull you up again is a gift.

This was the first time in her life that she had received that gift.

It felt surreal that someone would care for her when they don't have any connection. Atleast Felix and her grew up together but Seungmin? He just wanted to help.

"Should we- uh- should we be friends?" Jaeun asked pulling away.

"Yes! I have wanted to be friends with you for so long." Seungmin chuckled, wiping away his tears.

"Friends?" Jaeun forwarded her hand.

"Friends." Seungmin shaked her hand.

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