This Burning Love

Insecurities and Surprise

Carson's POV

   I try to focus as I go through the routine, clapping my hands along to the beat they're supposed to be practicing too, but I find myself distracted, as hard as I try not to be. Even Houston is barely present.

   'Carson, you need to stop being stubborn. We need to go back to him.' He tries to convince me yet again, but this time I don't ignore him, my own thoughts about the Warlock enough without Houston's input.

    'I don't have to do anything but stay gay and die. Besides, he doesn't want us there. He made that very clear. I'm not going to go where I'm not wanted.' I shoot back, and I can't ignore the way my heart squeezes when I think about the fact that the one person that might be left that can love me and take care of me, doesn't even want me around.

   I do my best to tune out my wolf, but the stupid bastardized won't leave me alone, even as I decide to dance myself to show the kids how a move is properly done.

     'But he didn't really mean it when he told us to stay away. He was just lashing out out of fear. He's had to go through a lot as a child.' Houston tries to guilt me into going back over to Jonah's place to talk to him, but all he does is bring up something that I've been trying to avoid thinking about.

    'I know he's been through a lot. In fact, he's been through so much at the hand of wolves, what if the reason why he doesn't want me is because I'm a wolf and he hates all of us now because of the pain the pack caused him?' I ask hysterically, and Houston has the audacity to be smug about the fact that I care about what he thinks even if I'm trying to convince myself that I don't.

     'What if, like you he doesn't think there's anyone there for him but himself, and so he pulled away. You should know what that's like. Maybe going to him will prove that you're not like everyone else." He tries again, and I curse him for using logic on me, the stupid wolf knowing I can't argue with that.

     So instead of trying to, I just chose to block him out and spend the next twenty minutes doing all I can to stay out of my head and in the moment, unsure of my thoughts and feelings. And too unsure of myself to be honest with myself.

    I walk towards the wall where my stuff is lying and groan when I realize that since I'm facing today, I drank all of my water already.

    "Okay take a ten minute breather, take the time to stretch if you need to." I tell them before grabbing my water body and leaving the classroom, keeping the door slightly ajar so someone can hear if somethings going on.

    As I walk towards the front of the building, I begin to hear people talking and when I tune in, one of the voices makes my eyes widen as I listen to another unfortunate encounter. "Ma'am you see me here every week and frankly, I don't have the patience to play nice with you. Please let me through so I can speak to Carson." I hear and I can feel the slight feeling of electricity in the air and the feeling of it gives me a chill.

   Finally I get towards the end of the hallway and turn the corner in time to see the receptionist of the day to spew whatever crap she can. "I don't know who you are. Therefore you are not welcome here. And there is no Carson here so you have no business here at all. I'll call the Warriors for trespassing." She threatens and I gap at her nerves.

    'Since when has this been okay? Don't they realize that if the Alpha and Luna ever learned about this they would be banished?' Houston asks, unable to understand what the fuck is this packs problem and I'm inclined to side with him.

    "Actually Carson is right here. If you're going to lie out of spite and disgusting hate, don't include me in it. I don't stoop myself that low." I comment, my jaw tight as I address the woman behind the counter, the name tag reminding me that her name is Courtney. "Jonah, Lily's brother and the Alpha and Luna's son is welcome here and he has every right and authority to do and go as he pleases. If you don't like that rule, we can carpool to the pack house I'm sure Luna Cody would love to hear about this." I snap, my lip itching to raise into a snarl.

     'And you said you don't care.' Houston teases.

   'This is not the time.' I shoot back before turning towards Jonah who's staring at me with wide eyes and a slightly open mouth that for some reason I find hilarious and adorable.

   "You can follow me back here." I tell him nodding behind me and he nods, his eyes still wide, as he goes to follow me past the small group of irritating bitches that were enjoying the way there's slowly tearing Jonah now.

    Once we're away from prying eyes, I pull us into the nearest bathroom so we can get some privacy, this being the only room that's allowed to be soundproof. The realization that we're alone together again has me clamming up immediately, my walls slamming down, unsure of what this conversation is going to be about, my heart thumping from all the possibilities.

     "I...uh." My brows raise at the uncertainty on Jonah's face, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck in a self conscious manner. "I'm sorry for how I acted the other day. I was being a dick." He tells me and I'm surprised, not expecting for him to feel so bad about it.

    "It's okay, I understand that I might not be what you want." I as we shrugging, my insecurities speaking for me in the face of vulnerability.

     "That's not it at all. Can I..." He stops and gulps before glancing away, I watch as he takes a deep breath and tries again. "Can I explain it to you over dinner? At my place at around....7?" He asks me and I don't say anything for a moment, shocked that we even managed to have a conversation where one of us isn't running away in some form.

     "Uh.... sure." I answer, feeling a little dazed, and all I can see is Houston dancing in excitement, the little shit bragging about how "right" he was.

    "And I also wanted to say.... thank you. No one has ever really stood up for me like that." He tells me, his voice so low it almost cracks and my heart settles heavy as I think about all the times he was hoping someone would help him and they just turned away, or even worse, joined in on the fun.

     "You're welcome." I tell him, my face blushing ridiculously.

    With a smile and a nod, Jonah's gone just the addicting smell of him all that's left to remember him by.

       That man is a storm. I wonder what was going through his head? Unable to answer the question I'm forced to let it go.

    When I finally go back towards the classroom after finally getting my water, I find myself able to focus and have a good time, the doctor smile on my face never leaving even as I pretended it wasn't there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Book I knocked out my three chapters in the hour and a half time frame that I was shooting for. Not as fast as I would have liked but still pretty good.

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