i am basing certain parts of this imagine on things that have happened to me, so i apologise if i offend somebody with this, that is not my intent !
mention of panic attacks !
from what mason knew, i had only had a couple of panic attacks, a number that he could count using one hand, them being linked to my job and the overwhelming stress that my boss loved to pile on me. but what he didn't know is that i'd have many more that i'd never told him about, in order to prevent him from worrying too much about me.
he was the only one who knew how to properly calm me down when i got like this. i don't know whether it was his soft words, his touch or even just his presence but something he did made everything alright. nobody else that i knew had the same affect on me that he did and sometimes that was such a blessing but there was also times where that was a nightmare.
one of the times where it was a nightmare being now. along with another stressful of a day with a boss that quite literally hated my guts along with having to stay in another part of london for a few days due to an upcoming event whilst mason obviously stayed at home, it was only a matter of time before my anxiety got even worse than it already was.
i'd already tried to calm myself down with the things he'd told me to do last time and some tricks that had helped in the past but nothing at all was working. the sharp breaths in my throat getting tighter and tighter and tighter as it felt like i was going to pass out at any second, my knees trembling as i sat myself down on the edge of the bed to stop myself from possibly dropping to the floor, the salty tears gathering in my eyes as my face had begun to turn red at this point.
the acts of counting the beat of my fingers tapping against my thumb, trying to take deep breaths with my eyes shut and even imagining mason's gentle voice calming me down was proving absolutely no help; even the continuous ringing of my phone couldn't even distract my mind like it usually would.
it was only when my phone rang for the third time that i had actually acknowledged the noise, reaching out to answer the call. the sound of my favourite person ever filling my hotel room yet not quite reaching my overpowering mind but hopefully it was only a matter of time before it did.
"my love? are you there?" masons cheery voice spoke out from the phone as i put him on speaker,
"yeah." i sucked in a harsh breath, slightly struggling to get the simple word out without trying to alert him of my panicked state but it was no use as he could read me like the back of his hand, even without seeing me in person.
"it's happened again, hasn't it?" his tone softened as he realised why i was acting like this, this being a scenario that he had experienced with me multiple times and everytime he hated it more and more.
"yeah." i huffed in defeat, the act of trying to hide it from him now impossible as a few more shaky breaths left my mouth before i rambled quickly. "i'm so sorry, mason."
"hey, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for, okay? try and take some deep breaths, baby." he began to quietly count the beats of my breathing, it only working for a few seconds before a sob got trapped in my throat.
"it's not working." i swallowed sharply as i continued to try and follow his instructions to the best i could, finally opening my eyes once again to a sight that many would dream of having; the river thames and the london bridge bathing in the golden sunlight being my view right now.
"i'm right here, love, just keep listening and copying me." we continued like this for about five more minutes and i was finally calming down, the anxieties in my head lowering as he told me a story about ben's first training session back with the team to distract me. "facetime me, baby."
"i can't, mase." i sniffled, standing up slowly before making my way over to the bathroom so that i was able to get some tissue to wipe away the fallen tears and clean my nose up.
"you can, i want to see your pretty face."
"i'm not pretty right now though." i chuckled softly, sniffling once again as hay fever was also being a pain in the arse.
"you're always beautiful, darling." his sentence finally convincing me as i switched to the facetime, his beaming face filling my phone screen as he lay in our shared bed, at home with him being the only place i dreamt of being. "there she is."
"my eyes are all red and i have a snotty nose." i tilted my head to the side as i tried to catch him out, placing my phone above the sink so i'd be able to actually rinse my face.
"still as stunning as ever, want to tell me about your day?" he asked once i'd dried my face, him smiling softly as i shook my head in response.
