Loving Maddie (Loving Jaxton Spin-off #2) 18+ ✔️

Chapter 37 - can't

Maddie's POV

When I get back home my mom and I are in full wedding planning mode for a month. It's a short month, and before I realize how quick it's been, it's the night before my wedding day and everything is in place.

I should feel happy, and I do, but I also feel a bit let down that the whole experience has been rushed. I know I chose this, but I never thought I'd be doing this so fast and I guess once we're really committed to each other if something happens we're in it forever. Whether that's good or bad.

And I know I love Lex, but I don't think I'm ready to marry him right now. We haven't known each other long enough to make that call, and selfishly I want to end my wedding before it starts. I don't want to go head first into marriage right now either. Lex is so ready and he's been so happy, but I'm dreading the day because I don't feel like it's the right time. Lex wants everything right now, and that's not me. Because I'm not ready and I know what I have to do in order to give Lex what he deserves and that's not me.

I just turned twenty, and I knew this would be difficult but I didn't think it would lead me to feel like this on the Eve before my wedding. Lex flew in this morning and he's perfect. He hasn't done anything wrong, but I just don't know where my head is at. It's a mess of emotions and I don't know if I can marry him anymore.

"What's going on?" Lex asks as I sit at the kitchen table rubbing my ring between my fingers and looking down at it.

"What's my favorite color, Lex?" I ask him in all seriousness. "White or champagne." He answers as I sigh. He's right.

"How many times did I get bullied in school?" I ask as he sits down in front of me worried. "Five?" He asks as I sigh. He knows me, he does, I'm just worried that maybe our love it's not enough. I know everything about him too, but that doesn't mean our marriage would work. That maybe I'm being brought to the realization that I don't know if this is what I want to do.

"I'm worried," Lex whispers as I set my ring on the table and hold my head between my hands. "Lex I love you," I whisper as he sighs.

"You're dumping me." He mumbles immediately as I shake my head no. "I don't know," I whisper back as I look at him with tears whelping in my eyes.

"I wanted a long engagement that made me really get to know you, and now that it's been so fast I feel like we never had a chance to enjoy it because you've been gone the entire time. I wanted a wedding in December and now I'm getting married in March with out-of-place Christmas trees and it's not what I wanted at all." I whisper.

"So you want to cancel the wedding?" He asks as I sigh and nod. "I'm-, I don't want this," I whisper wiping my tears.

"You want to break up?" He asks looking at his hands and back at me. "No, because I love you. But maybe we moved too fast." I mumble wiping my tears.

"Maddie then what is this about?" He asks. "I didn't have you for months. And without you, I felt like my heart was ripped out of place. But now that you've been back, I thought that everything would fall into place and I'd realize how much I love you when I really do love you with all my fucking heart. I do Lex, I fucking do." I whisper as my tears fall and I reach up wiping them.

"And I know you want a baby faster than what I'm willing to give it to you. You want to get married tomorrow and start your company and you have all these plans but I don't see how that fits with my life anymore." I mumble as I wipe my tears falling. He stares at me blankly as I see a tear fall from his eye for the first time in my life. I wipe my face as I cry harder and rub my engagement ring one more time before slipping it over to him.