Loving Maddie (Loving Jaxton Spin-off #2) 18+ ✔️

Chapter 12 - growing

Maddie's POV

When I get home, I don't know how to act. And the only person I know I can talk to is Izzy. So I calmly make my way up the stairs and to my room. I lock the door and I go to my bathroom and lock the door to it before running myself a bath. I cut off the lights and cut on one single candle as I lay down into the warm tub full of bubbles.

But instead of calling her. I sit looking at the tile and my tears flow down my cheeks. I really care about Lex, I really do. I know I want more than just what we have now, and I can't have that with him. He's broken, he hides it with incredible fucking and delicate kisses but he's broken.

I don't even know how to interpret what he's told me and I don't know if I want to. I thought he was just rough on the outside, but now he's got a hard past that makes me question who I'm sleeping with. I wipe my tears as I cry into my hands and palm my forehead. I'm stupid. I'm stupid for not listening to my dad and I'm stupid for falling for Lex.

Sure I don't know if I'm in love with him. But I've definitely fallen hard for him already.

If I was just with Paxton, I wouldn't have this heartache. I wouldn't be so emotional, I'd just be happy. I'd live my life mediocrely and I'd be a happy housewife. But with Lex, I feel like I've discovered who I am, a woman who really enjoys sex with him, a future teacher, and someone who enjoys the company of that guy who makes her heart skip a beat when she looks at him.

I just can't describe what I'm feeling. He didn't tell me everything, not that he had to, but he told me in the car that day he was willing to try us. If he was really trying then why did he not tell me his past knowing my father hated him for a reason.

I don't know. And only he can come up with those answers to make it better.

But I reach onto the floor and grab my phone as I click Izzy's contact and put it on speaker. She answers almost immediately like she always does.

"Hey, Mads!" I hear her voice as I smile. "Hi Iz, how's Emmy?" I ask in a whisper. "Kicking my bladder like always. What's up?" She asks as I smile.

"I just wanted to hear your voice and know you're doing alright," I tell her as she sighs. "Oh no. I know that voice. What's wrong?" She asks.

"Lexington," I tell her as I start again. I blurt out everything that has happened in the past twelve hours to her, about the incredible sex, the plans of telling him my dad has to know only for me to now not want that so fast. I tell her about his past, about what happened, I tell her everything.

"And now he told me he loved me." I tell her as she starts, "Maddie if he's not the one, if he's not it, let him go. If he loves you already, and if you aren't into it, let him go and be happy." She tells me as I shake my head no.

"As much as I hate that he didn't tell me everything I can't be mad at him. I think-, I know I really care about him and he just makes me feel good about myself when I'm with him. But I don't know how many days more I can come home crying over him." I tell her as I wipe my face.

"Mads. Answer this? Do you love him?" She asks as I sigh.

"I don't know. I think I do but, I just got out of one relationship and I don't want to be hurt by Lexington ." I tell her.

"Take it from me. If you love him, he's going to hurt you at some point without trying okay? It might be just forgetting an anniversary or what happened with your mom and dad, or maybe what I did to Lance, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. It just means he doesn't know how to express it. I know Paxton was just plain old Paxton, and he made you happy. But I saw your face when you spoke about Lexington to me, and you weren't glowing from sex, you were glowing because you were really happy." She whispers as I nod. She's right.