Memory Lane

Preface

"You know he's just going to die when he sees this," Gemma said examining the gift I got for Jax. It was a bullet necklace that I had custom-made from his gun. I used a nine-millimeter pistol and had a jeweler dip it in gold for me. It was the perfect gift for him on his birthday and I knew that he would love it.

Gemma smiled at me as she handed the box back to me. "So, do you have any other plans up your sleeves?"

I smiled mischievously, "just a little quiet dinner at home."

"Oh come on, the day I believe that is the day Clay will finally pick up after himself," she joked. I laughed as I clapped my hands together, excitement was just radiating off of me. I absolutely LOVED birthdays, they were always so fun to plan and I loved making someone feel special on their birthday. I know Jax would be fine with whatever I planned, but I wanted to make this birthday special since this would be the last birthday with just the two of us.

I was only just 4 months along, but this baby had already taken up so much room already. Besides reminding me of everything I couldn't eat, Gemma and some of the old ladies in the club were already purchasing gifts. My house looked like a mini baby store, and it was getting crowded. Jax's birthday felt like my only night to remind my husband that I was still here, even after the baby was born.

I know it sounds silly but I didn't want my identity to be runner up after the baby. I love this baby, more than I thought possible, but I didn't want to forget to love me in the process.

"Well, I am planning a dinner, I'm going to make his favorite food and just enjoy it being just the two of us. I think it's important to do that before the baby comes," I admitted.

She smiled while nodding her head, "it is, and you are doing great, he's going to love whatever you have planned."

Clay then walked through the door with a tired expression. He nodded his head at me as Gemma greeted him at the door. "How are you doing sweetie?"

"Can't complain," I said as I started to grab my things.

"Oh, be careful out there, I heard a storm is supposed to be passing through," he informed me.

"You want me to drive you home?" Gemma offered me.

I shook my head, "no, that's okay, I'm sure I'll make it just fine." I kissed her and Clay goodbye as I headed home to my husband. 

That was the last memory I had of my life in Charming. For the next seven years, I battled with my identity and who I was, even after I regained my memory, I was surrounded by people who told me otherwise. I lived in a constant state of delusion and I couldn't accept reality. On one hand, I was being told that my name was Laura and I was married to a man named Samuel. But my mind was telling me that my name was Desiree and I was married to Jackson Teller.

Samuel had two children that he attempted to convince me were mine, and I believed him for some time when the girls were young. But there was always a feeling in my stomach that told me something wasn't right. I tried to push it away many times, and I even toyed with the idea that maybe I was the problem. After all, they had evidence of this identity they gave me, and consistently reminded me every day that I was crazy.

I felt crazy, I would wake up with nightmares, drenched in my own sweat. Nightmares about the accident, the hospital, and people crying. I couldn't tell anyone because I didn't want to seem crazy and get locked away. Samuel threatened me with the idea so much that I didn't want to challenge him on it. I lived with him for the next seven years of my life. Constantly walking on eggshells and being afraid of my own shadow.

I finally snapped when I saw old newspapers pages in a box in his room. I was cleaning the house when I found it, Samuel must have finally let his guard down and got lazy. The newspapers were filled with information about my true identity, my photo was on the missing person list. My family was looking for me, it gave me a sense of hope but also anger. Anger that I had missed out on so much of my life because of a bad deal the club made. I was retaliation for a gun deal gone sour.

Samuel walked in on me reading the papers and we got into a huge argument. He confessed to everything, how they kidnapped me while I was in the hospital. How the true mother of the girls was the babysitter, or at least the woman who posed as a babysitter. And he even told me how I had been declared dead after the seven years of my initial kidnapping. I didn't believe him until he showed me a photo of my obituary. I was devastated and shocked, but that didn't stop me from threatening him.

He obviously didn't take too kindly to that and made sure that he went through on his promises. He checked me into an asylum, and despite my pleas, no one believes a word I say. They must have been on someone's payroll because I have been here for the last three years. I've learned how to survive in here I guess, do the "right thing" to get good treatment. Hiding my prescribed medication under my tongue to keep my sanity, and every day getting one step closer to getting out of this place.

I know most would have given up by now, but as far as I saw it, I had to reclaim what was mine. And that didn't mean my old life, it meant reclaiming myself. And living out the rest of my days in freedom.

"Laura!" I was snapped out of my thoughts by the modern-day Nurse Ratchet. She was as mean as they came, "Oh, my apologies Mrs. Teller," sarcasm dripped off her lips as she let out a laugh. She looked over at the younger nurse standing next to her, "insanity, you would think she would come to after three years." The younger nurse looked at me with curiosity and I looked away. I didn't need another person here to torment me. So, I went back to journaling in my notebook.

I mostly just wrote about my experiences and things I remembered. Trying to find anyone that would just listen to me, but there was no one like that here. Everything was rigged, no one would help me without a bribe.

Suddenly my door buzzed and the young nurse from earlier walked in. She was holding a clipboard in her hand as she stood in the doorway. "May I help you?" I said not bothering to look up at her. Quite frankly, I didn't need her in here. I didn't want any of them near me, they all thought I was some babbling idiot anyway.

"I was going to take you down to group therapy," she said softly.

"No thank you," I said flatly.

"Look, Lauren-"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "that is not my name, and if you insist on calling me that you can leave."

She looked taken aback by my attitude towards her, but that didn't make her leave. She walked into the room and peered over my shoulder. Her eyes scanned the papers on my desk and I saw her eyebrows raise.

"Is there something I can help you with? I'm not going to group therapy, so you can leave," I snapped.

"She looks like you," she gestured to the cut out photos from the newspaper. I scoffed as I rolled my eyes, I didn't feel like doing this today so I ignored her. Anyone with eyes could see that I was the woman in the picture, but I guess Samuel's money paid for blindness. "They told me that you believe that woman is you, so why don't you just call the police and free yourself."

"Hard to do that, when you don't have phone privileges."

I saw her bite her lower lip as the engines went off in her head. She looked at the open door behind her and went to shut it quickly. I was confused as I saw her do this and was a little concerned for my safety. "Here's the deal, I made a bet with the girls that I could get you out of this room. So, how about if I let you use my phone, you have to go down to group therapy."

I searched her face, trying to find any hint of seriousness. Surely, she couldn't be serious about this, she had to be working for someone. Would the phone even work in these walls, was all communication cut off? She dug into her pocket, fished out her phone, and placed it on my desk. She urged me to use it as she continuously pushed it towards me.

I hesitantly picked up the phone and dialed 911. It rang twice before someone answered.

"911, what is your emergency?"

My heart was beating fast and my breath came out shaky, "Hi my name is Desiree Teller, I am a missing person."