Memory Lane

Chapter 28. What Children See

Desiree

The clubhouse was loud with all the conversation that was happening outside. I had snuck off when everyone was too distracted to notice. I didn't need anyone walking in on my impromptu packing and alerting everyone else. I knew it was just a matter of time before Gemma told Jax about me leaving, and I needed to be prepared for that situation when it came. Jackson would never understand my reasons as to why I wanted to leave, he would try to say anything to make sure I stayed. But my mind was made up and after all the damage I've caused, it would take a lot to convince me to stay.

"Knock, knock," I turned my head to see Gemma closing the bedroom door behind her. She looked like she'd been crying and my face instantly fell when I saw her. "Gem," I began but she put her hand up to stop me. "I know you want to leave and that there is nothing I can say to change your mind, but please, just stay for the night. I'll personally sneak you out in the morning, it's just too dangerous for you to be traveling right now."

I crossed my arms over my chest while giving Gemma an all-knowing look, "will it be safer in the morning?"

She huffed, "no, but at least it'll give you time to sleep on this decision."

I sighed heavily and plopped down on the bed and gestured for her to join me. She didn't hesitate to sit down and we just sat there for a moment and held hands. "I know you don't want me to go, but you of all people should know that I'm doing this for my family."

Gemma sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. "Gemma, think about everything that's happened so far. I can't allow anyone else to be affected by my problems. Gemma, you have two young grandkids hiding out in a clubhouse to avoid getting hurt or kidnapped in retaliation for my problems. Are you really willing to live like this?"

Gemma looked at me for a moment before she answered, "yes, because no matter if you're married to my son or not, you are my daughter. You are a part of me just as much as they are."

I could feel my throat ache as the words left her lips. It was hard not to get emotional by what she was saying because no matter how crazy Gemma was, she was the only mother I've ever really had. She took me under her wing the minute Jax brought me home. She vouched for me and protected me in ways that my own birth mother couldn't and she always valued family over everything. Gemma was plenty misunderstood by so many, she carried a wall of armor around her that would burn anyone who got too close. But under all the black clothing and signature highlights, she was the most sensitive person I knew. She needed to be loved, she needed to feel appreciated, and she craved inclusion.

She came off strong at times because she was so fearful of being forgotten or neglected. Did she have her toxic traits? Yes, but they were as clear as day if you saw her for what she was. A teenage girl trapped in a grown woman's body who was forced to grow up too soon for the man she loved. Gemma was a complicated person, kind of like a puzzle with its pieces scattered across the Earth.

"Gemma," I began but then I corrected myself, "mom, I need to do this."

I could see her bottom lip tremble when I addressed her. She squeezed my hand again and repeated her words from before, "okay, but please just stay for the night." I realized that this is as much compromise as I was going to get from her and decided to just go with it. My goal was to leave before the sun came up because I knew Gemma would have a tough time following through on my escape plan.

"Fine, you win, but not a minute more," I joked. She shoved me playfully and led me outside of the room. Nothing had changed from how we left it; everyone was still conversing while music played in the background. Jax was talking with Opie and turned his head when he saw me. I could feel Gemma ordering my steps as she pushed me closer to him.

"Hey, where you been all night? I haven't seen you."

"I was laying down, I had a headache," from the corner of my eye I could see Gemma give me a look. Jax must have noticed her but thankfully he didn't bother saying anything.

I tried to look around for anything that could switch the conversation and I noticed a baby monitor sitting on the table. "Boys asleep?"

Jax looked down at the monitor, "yeah, I guess so, Thomas usually has a hard time sleeping through these things but he seems to have gotten better."

Suddenly, as if on cue, we heard Thomas start to cry. Jax groaned outwardly before he smacked his hand to his forehead. "Spoke too soon," I said while laughing.

"Oh, give me that, he probably just needs to be rocked," Gemma took the baby monitor and made her way to Thomas. I looked around and noticed that Tara was nowhere in sight, "where's Tara?"

Jax made a face and looked around the clubhouse, "I don't know, I thought she was with the boys."

"Probably in the bathroom then," I said.

"Yeah, maybe." Jax looked at me for a moment, studying my body language. "So, headache huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

"C'mon Des, I think I know when you're hiding something better than you do?"

I was going to make a joke to take him off my back but then I noticed how sad he looked. It caught me off guard to see his eyes glistening and his face turn a light shade of pink.

I couldn't say anything further and found myself sneaking off to find Gemma without another word. My intention was to yell at her and scold her for telling Jax. But the further I got down the hallway, the weirder things felt. I could still hear Thomas crying despite the loud music, so I followed his cries until I got to the room that he was in.

I swung the door open and my breath got caught in my throat. Thomas was wailing in his crib and Gemma was lying face down on the ground. "Jax! Somebody help!" I yelled down the hall. The music stopped and I heard a stampede of footsteps running down the hallway. I ran to Gemma's body and was relieved to find that she was still warm. However, she was unresponsive and her pulse was slow.

"Somebody call an ambulance!" Jax yelled from behind me, "Tara get in here!" Jax's voice was panicked and I could tell that he was overwhelmed by the crying of his son and the state of his mom. Tara came into the room and cursed under her breath when she saw Gemma's state. She stood there for a second in shock before I snapped at her, "help her!"

She scurried over to Gemma's side and started to check her vitals. I was in such disarray that I didn't even realize that I had been crying profusely. Tears drenched my face as I witnessed the commotion around me. I couldn't lose her like this, I just got through talking with her. This couldn't be how things ended.

I couldn't help my sobs as Tara started to perform CPR on Gemma. I could feel a pair of strong arms around me and found Nero pulling me from the action. "Go help the boys Des, we got her from here." As soon as the words left his lips, that's when I noticed tiny feet on the floor in the bathroom. At first, I panicked, because I was convinced that Abel was in the same state as Gemma. But when I swung the door open, Abel was huddled on the floor in a fetal position.

"Abel," I called out his name and he gasped when he saw me. He quickly jumped from his spot like someone who was hiding from something. I picked him up from the ground and noticed that he had been shaking. He must have seen Gemma go down and it scared him to death. "It's okay Abel, I got you, I'm here."

"C'mon Tara we're losing her!" I heard Jax yell. I turned around to see that Tara had paused and was looking at Abel with her mouth slightly agape. Abel didn't bother looking at his mother and only buried his face in my neck. Thankfully, that's when the ambulance came in to take Gemma.