Memory Lane

Chapter 14. Act Like It

Jax

I woke up the next morning with Tara sleeping soundly next to me. I was surprised to see that she wasn't still glaring at me since that's all she did last night. Last night, I had the wildest dream about Desiree. I never really had wet dreams about anyone because I usually acted out my fantasies. But the dream I had about Desiree felt so real that I ended up coming on myself in real life. Not only was I embarrassed by the whole thing, but Tara also woke me up in the middle of it; I was dazed and confused and I honestly couldn't imagine telling her that I was dreaming about another woman.

Tara was understanding but she wasn't that understanding. Conscious or not, she would kill me if she found out I was thinking about another woman. Especially, if that other woman was my former wife. Tara was already hesitant when it came to Desiree. She didn't know her and from the way she talked last night, she didn't want to know her.

I tried my best to slide out of bed without disturbing her because I didn't want her to wake up and have her ask me about my dream. I wasn't prepared for that conversation nor would I ever be. So, I did my best to be as quiet as possible as I walked out of the room. I got dressed in the living room and went to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee before everyone woke up. I wasn't expecting anyone this morning, so I was curious when I heard a knock on the door.

When I opened it to see Desiree, my knees bucked and I had to lean on the door for support. Her back was to me as she was motioning for Unser to wait for her. She wasn't wearing anything special, just some jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt. But my eyes immediately noticed how well the clothes hugged her frame. "Hey," she said grabbing my attention. I cleared my throat, "Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Oh, Gemma told me to come to drop these off for you guys. There were a lot of leftovers and she said you'd enjoy it," she handed me the bag filled with food. Tara would just love that...

"Oh, thanks," I eyeballed the tuber ware stacked one on top of the other. There was a faint smell of my mom's gravy and I could feel my mouth start to salivate. I looked up at Desiree who was still standing awkwardly at the door, "you want some coffee? I just put some on."

She looked at me for a moment before agreeing. She looked back at Unser before she slipped inside of the house. I could feel my heart race when she got inside and her eyes started to look around. Her expression was unreadable and that made me nervous, but then she saw the baby stuff in the living room and there was a small smile on her face.

"How old?" she gestured toward Abel and Thomas's things.

"Uh, Abel is three, and Thomas is fourteen-months-old." She nodded her head and slipped into the kitchen. She didn't sit down at first until I pulled a chair out for her. It was kind of strange to see her so nervous in a house that was once hers, or maybe it was even sad. I put the leftovers in the fridge and went to pour her a cup of coffee. All the while, I was trying to keep my thoughts away from the dream I had last night.

Which was proving difficult, because she was sitting in the exact same place where the dream was enacted. It was hard not to envision her sitting at the table in a red and lacey lingerie set while begging me to come near her with a pout on her face.

"You have a nice home," she said breaking the silence. I stood there for a minute before I turned around to see her holding in a laugh. I sucked my teeth and tried to hide the smile that was forming on my lips. "Isn't it a little early to be so petty?"

She giggled, "given the circumstances of the situation. This is how I cope." I nodded my head, fully understanding her sentiment, and placed the coffee mug in front of her. "So, what are you up to today?" I asked her while stirring some sugar in my coffee.

"Well," she sighed, "Unser has offered to take me to the car lot to see if there is something there that I can afford. I mean, everyone has been so helpful, but if I could at least lift one burden, it'd make me feel a whole lot better."

"Des, you aren't a burden."

"Aren't I though? I mean, Gemma has had to change her schedule so much since I got back, and this morning I heard her on the phone with her boyfriend. He wanted to see her but she won't let him come to the house while I'm there. I know she's trying to be considerate, so I try to get out any time I can so that she can have some alone time."

"Her boyfriend?"

"Yeah, I've seen him sneak out the house a few times. She thinks I don't know, but I'm pretty sure she's holding back because she's afraid of my reaction. She's trying so hard to keep things as familiar as possible for me, but it's costing her more than she thinks. Which is why I wish I had my own place so that no one had to constantly cater to my memory or try to help me adjust."

I looked at her sympathetically and she looked away from me to drink her coffee. We sat there for a moment until she finally finished her cup and pushed it away from her. "I should get going, Unser is still waiting outside for me."

"Hey, wait up," I got up from the breakfast table and reached into my pocket. When she saw me pull out a wad of cash, she backed up with her hands in the air. "Jax, no, I couldn't take that from you." I shook my head and took her hand in mine, while I placed about five grand in her hand. "Look, I know you don't have a whole lot right now, and that's because of me, let me do this for you. You don't have to pay me back or anything, just accept it."

She looked at me for a moment before she finally took it from me. "Jax, I don't know what to say," she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly. "Thank you so much," she placed a kiss on my cheek and I found myself wrapping my arms around her. When we broke apart, I walked her to the door and waved her goodbye.

It felt good to help her in any way I could. It was my fault that she was even considered dead, to begin with, the least I could do was help her get on her feet. "Was that Desiree who just left?" I looked at Tara who emerged from our shared bedroom.

"Yeah, she dropped off some food from my mom."

Tara made a face that she probably thought I didn't see. "That was nice of her, anything else?"

"No, not really." Tara looked at me with a scowl on her face, "Jax, how much money did you give her?" I looked at her for a moment before answering, "the same amount she left behind when we thought she was dead."

Tara nodded her head, "and you didn't think to consult with me before you did that?"

I bit my bottom lip and decided not to argue with Tara. I shook my head at her and proceeded to grab my jacket and vest to head out the door. "Jax we have two boys!" she yelled.

"I know, and they are well taken care of."

"You can't just hand out money Jax."

"I'm not, Desiree needed that money, I owed her that money. She isn't some random woman on the street, she was my wife. She didn't do anything wrong in life to deserve what happened to her, that was a result of my failure as a husband. So, if I decide to hand her five thousand dollars to help her get on her feet, then I will do that with the money I almost lose my life over every day."

Tara stared at me for a moment and I could tell she was gearing up to tell me off. "Look, I'm not going to have this conversation again, so drop it."

"I'm your ole lady," she said as her closing argument.

"Then act like it," was all said before I walked out the door, leaving her alone in the living room.