Memory Lane

Chapter 31. My Son's Keeper

Jax

The next twenty-four hours hit me like a ton of bricks. Nothing felt real and despite the acknowledgment of my mother's death, there was something inside of me that still didn't believe it. It was as if I was still hoping that she'd come walking through the door in all her leather glory. Ready to bark orders at whoever got in her way. Desiree was going at high speed in planning mode. She was filling in the blanks where my mother couldn't. The only time she would actually talk to anyone was to ask them to participate in preparation for Gemma's funeral. She was constantly on the phone with florists, the church, and the cemetery.

The only time I actually did see her show any kind of emotion was when she found out that she'd have to bury my mom alone. There was no way that she'd utilize the burial plot next to Clay, and even though she didn't say it, I know she didn't want to bury her next to my dad either. Their love for each other died a long time ago and reuniting them now would be odd. The only other option would have been Luann, but the spot next to her was reserved for Otto.

I could hear her voice crack a little when she was on the phone with the funeral home, and there was a part of me that felt bad that I couldn't take over. But every time I tried to help I just ended up being more of a nuisance than a helping hand. I couldn't even order the flowers without hiding away afterward.

Tara, on the other hand, distanced herself from all of the planning. A part of me resented her for that because even though she didn't get along with Gemma, she could have at least helped bury her. But she spent most of her time distracting herself with Thomas. Considering that Able had glued himself to Desiree's side. The only other time he would detach himself from her was when Chucky would offer him a treat.

I could see Tara eyeballing the situation before her, and at one point she even tried to take him. But while she was trying to coerce him into coming with her, he said something that made her face turn a ghost white. She gave him a nervous smile and said something back to him, but then she went on to leave him alone for the next several hours. I was confused as to what my son had said that scared her so bad, but when I asked her about it all she said was that he was very traumatized by his grandma dying and that he missed her. But given her reasoning, I found it strange that she didn't try to comfort him instead of leaving him with Desiree.

"Jax, just leave it alone. Abel has gone through so much today and he just needs time to process everything around him," this was all she had mustered to say to me. I wanted to further the conversation, but I was so mentally exhausted that I couldn't imagine a conversation with her being successful. Instead, I went outside to light a joint with Opie in an attempt to ease the stresses of today.

"Hey, how you holding up?" he asked while passing me the joint.

I just shook my head and put the joint to my lips; Inhaling as much as my lungs would allow. Opie knew when I needed some peace, so he didn't press for more conversation. He knew what it was like to walk in on a dead parent and try to function afterward. That's just an image you can never unsee. I've probably seen hundreds of dead bodies, but nothing scarred me more than seeing my own mother laying on the ground unconscious. To make matters worse, my son had seen it too, as if the list of his traumas weren't long enough. I didn't even know what to say to him, he was only five years old! A child shouldn't have to see someone die in front of him. I try my best to protect my sons from the ugly in the world, the ugly in my world, but nothing could have prepared me for this.

"Yo, Jax!" I looked over to see Juice running towards me, "Abel is asking for you." I nodded my head and handed the blunt back to Opie before disappearing inside. Chibs gestured to the hallway and I made my way into the bedroom with Abel and Des.

Des was holding Abel's hand while they were waiting for me. When she looked up and saw me concern was laced on her face. She got up from the bed and walked up to me speaking in a low voice. "He took a nap for about twenty minutes and ended up wetting the bed."

"Is he embarrassed? Did you talk to him?"

Des shook her head softly, "Jax the bedwetting isn't what scared me. He started screaming and hasn't allowed me to walk more than five feet away from him, because he said he's afraid that I will die."

I looked towards my son who was fiddling with his fingers. He didn't look up at me, so I took the liberty of getting down to his level.

"What's up buddy? I heard that you're a little scared. Is everything okay?"

Abel looked between me and Des and then looked back down at his hands. "Is grandma safe now? Desiree told me she's in a better place."

I sighed heavily, "yeah buddy, grandma is doing a lot better now. She never has to be sick ever again." I never discussed the topic of life and death with Abel, because I always thought he was too young. But given the circumstances, I was struggling to piece together the right words.

"No one is going to get hurt anymore, buddy. We're all safe," Desiree said to him while kneeling beside me.

Abel still looked unsure and I took his little hand, enveloping it in my own. "You can say whatever you want, whatever you feel okay son." I could see him relax a bit after I said this and then in a quiet voice he said, "is mommy going to jail?"

My eyebrows furrowed, "why would mommy go to jail? Mommy tried to help grandma; she did her best okay."

Confusion masked his face, "no daddy, is mommy going to jail for giving grandma the shot?" I could feel my heart stop as the words left his lips. The next few moments were deafening as he used gestures to reenact the scene between Gemma and Tara. I felt like I was going to be sick, while Desiree was staring at Abel in utter shock.

I could tell she was struggling to speak as she embraced Abel in a tight hug. She looked over at me and I couldn't tell if she was going to go into a panic or not. But before I could act Opie came running into the room.

"Tara just drove through the gate!" was all he said as he grabbed me off the ground. I could hardly feel my legs as he tried to hold me upright. "She killed her," I said in a breathy tone.

"What?" Opie said struggling to keep me still.

"She killed my mother." Shock laced my best friend's face as the realization sunk in. I felt like the wind had gotten knocked out of me. Tara had killed Gemma and kidnapped Thomas in her attempt to leave Charming. But all I could see was red, the taste of revenge tasted like blood on my tongue. And the hate crept its way into my chest for the woman I've loved since I was sixteen.