The Diary of a Broken Hearted Girl.

January 20th 2022

12:01am

I've had a mentally tough night. i've been in my head and i can't help but be upset and angry because i think they're together. and even if they are why should i be mad or upset. it's not her fault that she has to move on and it's selfish of me to take it out on her but something in me will not let this go. i dont know how to look past it or let it be and be happy for her. i dont know how to stop letting my feelings take over or stop reacting to the things that she does. i dont know how to control how i feel about her. i dont know how to let it go. i dont know how to accept this and accept the fact that we can't be together and accept the fact that she will have other people and accept the fact that she is allowed to do that because me and her cannot be together. i dont know how to accept that and i don't think i ever will. i'm not okay with it and i don't think i ever will be. i can't keep doing this every single day... it's been 4 years since we found out and i am still not over it.. i have to free myself mentally and i have to let her go. i have to let her be free without me making it seem like she's in the wrong or this is her fault or she's not supposed to move on bc she can do all of those things. it's not fair to her for me to act this way and take it out on her because it is not her fault.. she can't be stuck on me forever when we can't even be together so i can't be mad that she has someone else.. i can't keep doing this to her or myself.. it's just not fair.. it was supposed to be me.. it was always supposed to be me.. i'm tired..i'm so fucking tired..