The Diary of a Broken Hearted Girl.

January 28th 2022

1:40am

do i still have feelings for her or am i just use to her? or is it the soul tie? or the twin flame? or the connection? or the compatibility? or how comfortable i am with her? or how she's all i've known for 8 years? or because i thought for so long it would always be her? or because i thought i would be hers forever and she would be mine? or because i thought that we would get married some day? or is it because she's my soulmate and my other half? what is this? what is this feeling? what is this heartache that i feel when i think of her or what is this sadness that i feel? why do i get upset when i see things or hear things about her with other people? why do i care? is it because i'm still in love with her or is it because i don't want her with anyone else if it's not me? but what if i'm not in love with her anymore? why would i care? why do i care? why does it make me feel some type of way. i obviously still feel something if i react and feel some type of way about the things she does. i cried in front of her they other day because of something i seen. and all i could think was .. why is it not me? why can't it be me? i was supposed to have her. i was supposed to be in love with her forever. i was supposed to be her forever. i was supposed to marry her. i just kept thinking of all the things we could've been in that moment... where would we be today if we could be together? would we be engaged? when would we get married? when would we have kids? when would we live together? would we be happy? i'm just tired... i'm tired of being sad. i'm tired of crying. i'm tired of thinking about the what ifs. i'm tired of imagining things in my head. i'm tired of feeling this way. why did it end this way. why did this happen. i'm tired....