Desert • Flower | TaeJin || BOOK 3#

XIII. To be able to sleep in peace

Jin is much more groomed now. Taehyung listens to the rumors in the hallway about it. It is impossible not to notice. They talk about his pink hair adorned with garments of gold, silver and small hairs or gemstones inlaid. They talk about his smooth skin with light pink dots on her nose, cheekbones and fingers along with his lips. They speak of his body is peculiar proportion for its broad shoulders, but small waist. They speak of his eyes that it is almost impossible to perceive what is their true color. They talk about his elegant and playful dragoness.

That they haven't talked about Jin at this point.

Taehyung for his part has been more silent these days. It is still unheard of to him how beautiful Jin is. It is something he had noticed in the beginning, he is not that blind, however, this is totally different because it gives a particular vibe. It is what he assumes a kisaeng must generate with his presence. And what everyone told him about when they explained to him what this work was about and the people who carry it. It is to make people believe that perfection is possible and that beauty has no limits. It's breathtaking, Taehyung can't help but remain silent just looking at it, trying to process that it's real, that someone he can touch with his hand if Jin stretches it out.

The real problem has become how much more distant Jin is now. He barely spends time with Taehyung, because he shies away from any contact including eye contact. It is anomalous and Taehyung tries to remedy it without success. Jin runs away more easily than a deer to a hunter.

At the same time, waking up at night continues to happen; it has worsened over the days. The only thing that can stand out is that it becomes more chaotic and felt when there is a lot of silence. This area is arid, rain happens rarely, but these days it has been raining and he has seen that it was normal, he did not get up and nothing happened. On the contrary, when it is not raining, there are no animals running around, no one is walking in the hallway, Jin wakes up very quickly to vomit and cry in silence. Whatever his problem is, silence is fundamental and Taehyungdoesn't know if there is any way to remedy that. Who can run away from silence?

~ * * * ~

Are you trying to run away from me?

Jin breathes fast, some sharp moans escaping from his mouth; with one hand he covers his lips and with the other he tightens the cloth on his chest; he feels that his heart is going to come out. The air doesn't get into his lungs, not enough, Jin hears the voice echoing inside his mind, ultimately he feels there is something crawling from his waist, up his chest to his shoulder.

You know that you can't run away from me.... you know I'm going to find you and you know you're going to have to pay for what you did.

A broken howl escapes him and only makes the sweat worse; his heart gets even more excited and his eyes tremble. He is terrified and trembling as Jin shrinks himself, an existing pressure settling inside him, as if someone is squeezing him.

You're a useless kid, who shouldn't have made it this far because you're not even that beautiful.

Eunji tries to reassure his user, but to no avail. Jin is too inside in his hallucinations, believing that there is someone in the room that surrounds him with his arms, talks straight to his ear and squeezes on his neck next to his lower abdomen. It keeps him from sleeping, he has had to put on makeup lately to cover the dark circles under his eyes.

JIn gets up in a hurry to vomit and it takes him a while to let go of everything he ate. The nerves make his stomach sensitive, it is impossible to retain anything. Jin wipes his mouth with a handkerchief and gasps tearfully. The silence resumes and that only allows the sensation of someone touching him to get worse. He sits on the floor with his hands on his face, covers his crying, shrugging his shoulders and making himself even tinier. Jin wants to disappear. The pink dragoness tries to get his attention and fails. She puts one of her paws on Jin's back and wraps her body around him, he doesn't pay any attention to her, just cries for a while longer, wanting silence to go away.

~ * * * ~

Taehyung has been awake for three hours, lying on his futon. You think of a thousand ways on how to approach Jin and talk to him. It shouldn't be that complicated, you don't even understand why your brain freezes every time you are near Jin. It becomes embarrassing and you keep rubbing your hands together every time it happens. A nervous impulse that leads him to remind himself that his hands are not soft and that touching someone isn't going to be the same as touching flowers, it will be hurting him. Taehyung shudders at the expectation of it.

He wants to know if it is normal to yearn so much to touch the hand, to know if his skin is as soft as the petals. Taehyung remembers when brought Jin here and his skin was falling off, it was like seeing dried petals on the ground. He considers Jin himself to be a flower. But he is more of a bud that refuses to open, even though he is ready for it and when he opens a little, no one can take their eyes off him.

Seok gets up from where he is lying and approaches the door. He senses vibrations in the wood, the floor of the house is very thin because it is full of earth underneath. It was implemented to sense if there are intruders in the house during the night or more people than there should be. The footsteps are slow and timid. The dragon opens the door and finds Jin on the other side with his hands clasped in his hanbok, Eunji gurgles, almost tearful. Taehyung sits on the futon, clearly surprised to see him.

"Has there been a problem? is there a seizure or something?"

"No, no, it's just... it's just that I..."

Jin doesn't know how to explain himself without having to talk about what's really going on, excuses don't come. Frozen in his head full of silence. His own sweat makes him think of an idea, it's not far from reality, on the contrary, it's the closest thing he has to what he suffers without having to be open with the subject.

"I-I need to... sleep with someone. I didn't used to sleep alone in Hanyang and.... it makes me nervous."

Part reality, part lie; after all he did sleep with someone for a long time and in others it wasn't so much sleeping, it was falling unconscious, but for all practical purposes, it's the same thing. Sleeping alone involves too much silence, even when Jin has his dragon. She is part of him, it is giving himself company and he is so used to it that he cannot feel comfort.

Jin needs someone else, someone with whom he does not share existence and although he could go with the servants, even with the Japanese, none of them has the same confidence that he will keep himself in line. Not to say that it would be very strange, the only one he talked to in a more or less pleasant way, is Taehyung.

"Ah, sure sure, come. You can come."

Jin lies down on the left and turns his back to him. Taehyung stares at him and notices that he sweats too much. It's not a hot night, he can assume Jin has been crying and having some crisis in his room, that's why come here. He reaches out with the intention of touching Jin, maybe patting him on the shoulders to reassure him that everything is going to be okay. He stops short of doing so, it might be disrespectful to someone who hasn't given him permission to touch him and doesn't seem willing to have him do so; if he had, he would have kept at a shorter distance than he is now.

"Who did you sleep with back in the capital? a couple?"

"No, I slept with a friend, though I almost felt him like a son."

"I see. What's his name?"

"Jimin."

"What a beautiful name. Was it a boy?"

"Yes, he's a very cute little boy. He has blue hair and his dragon to control the water.... Sometimes I teased him by telling him that's why he cried so much...I wanted to believe that if I made him laugh, he would cry less or feel less sad" he relates quietly looking at the wall," but I fail...as in everything."

Taehyung can't imagine what kind of child he was to be crying all the time or why he would be with a kisaeng. He wanted to ask more about it, he decided to keep quiet when he sees that Jin sleeps and is calm. Seok moves a lot while sleeping, he generates an almost annoying sound on the floor, he rubs the wood, however, Jin seemed pleased. In the morning he left without saying anything beyond a Thank you for letting him sleep there.