Desert • Flower | TaeJin || BOOK 3#

XXIII A depressing and silent night

"Easy, easy."

Jin cries uncontrollably, hugging the empress who caresses his back affectionately. Agust peeks in the door, not understanding what is happening to make him so bad. He runs in a hurry to find a way to stop the crying. Empress Eunji gently wipes away his tears, gives him a kiss on his forehead and keeps hold of his face.

"Did he hurt you much?" Jin shakes his head. "What fortune in misfortune... Did he see you crying?"

"I think so." Jin replies choked.

"Don't let it happen again. If they see you, they will yearn and compete for who gets to hurt you the most" Jin gives a louder sob. "And don't forget that you are not theirs. They can't touch you yet and because of that, you're still pure...you must learn to pretend you're strong-"

"I can't! Please tell me what to do so it won't happen again. I don't want to do it again!" Jin asks in anguish. The empress shakes her head.

"It will happen if you are not smart enough to evade it. You must be strong, Jin" The kisaeng shrinks more. "And cry alone when no one knows the damage he did to you."

Empress Eunji doesn't want to lie to him. Create false security for him. She tells him as plain as day that it's going to happen. Just like today, Hosung, Hojoon or anyone else who thinks they are entitled is going to do horrible things to him. In this case it was forcing him to perform oral sex. Aside from the terrible timing and jaw pain, it's okay. Eunji knows full well that it can be infinitely worse. Nevertheless, she falls into the same thing: warning him and telling him what to do to elude him that he is an even more eager target to attack.

"You must be a flower, but not a normal one. You must be a winter one. One that is able to survive in the most terrible weather," Empress Eunji explains quietly. "I know you will be able to do it. Trust yourself and when you don't, lean on me."

His crying doesn't stop, Jin is scared. He didn't want to be Samsu for fear of doing what he saw in others and it has done almost no good! The door opens and Empress Eunji laughs softly to see Agust dragging the kayagum with the help of his dragoness to let him close. Jin moves away a little and Empress Eunji starts to play the musical instrument. Agust lays Jin down and dozes with a slight smile on his face. He loves how it sounds when his mother plays it. It has no comparison with anyone. Jin remains watching his empress so calm and smiling.

Until he analyzes her words a little better.

And he takes for granted that just like her advice, she cries every time she is alone and nobody accompanies her when she suffers. Even if she now has a beautiful smile while playing a beautiful song.

~ * * * ~

"Is something wrong Jin?" asks Taehyung worried that he is outside her room and not sleeping. The kisaeng winks repeatedly, noticeably drowsy. He shakes his head, part of his hair on his shoulder. The cold breeze sways him lightly.

Jin stands out like a tender pink dot among the snow. Taehyung is disturbed to notice that he is barefoot. His quick movement only makes Jin give a clear shiver. Seok gurgles, failing to get Eunji to give way to do anything. Taehyung takes a heavy breath before putting his hands behind his back.

"We can talk about it you know, just... just get in the house, you'll freeze your feet off or worse."

"It's very quiet inside."

Taehyung bites the corner of his lips.

"Then why don't we talk? Inside, please. I'm freezing. Aren't you cold?"

"I'm actually not cold at all" Taehyung considers it an absolute lie How can it be that I'm not...? "Sometimes I wish it wasn't so... The silence... it's so... not even with Yune in the" He rubs his arms. "Sometimes I wish it wasn't like this..." he mumbles repetitively. Taehyung was under the impression that he hasn't slept for many days and this only confirms it for him. He doesn't even coordinate his words well.