The Reluctant Mate

9 Porter

I left my mate, naked in her bed, against every instinct screaming in my head. My wolf hated leaving without her. We should be taking her back to our pack, not leaving her in a poorly constructed human dwelling virtually unprotected.

But it was what she said she wanted, and even if I thought she didn't actually know what she wanted, what the hell else was I supposed to do? I felt like shit. This wasn't what I wanted. Of course I did want her body, every delicious inch of it, but that was only a part of who she was. Mates weren't just supposed to be physical, the bond ran so much deeper.

I slammed the truck door and rested my head on the steering wheel. I felt like a complete dick for treating her like that. Human mates were supposed to be harder to woo, and at first I'd thought I'd dodged that bullet, but apparently this wasn't going to be easy. I could deal with that, if only I got her in the end. Most of the time humans came around, but there were exceptions to that. Sometimes humans were already with someone and didn't want to leave their partner. Sometimes they resisted getting dragged into the supernatural world out of fear. Every person was different, and there were no guarantees.

I leaned back in the seat. I didn't want to drive away. I wanted to stay sitting here to guard her place all night, if she didn't want me in there. Which would put me firmly in the creepy stalker role if she caught me.

Ignoring my wolf, I started the ignition, and shifted into gear. I'd give her what she wanted, what she said she wanted at least, as best I could, even if I thought she was lying. Maybe to me, maybe to herself. And I'd do it even if my wolf was dying on the inside.

—————

A few more days passed, and I didn't hear from her, not a text, not a call. My wolf was depressed and I was distracted and irritable with nearly everything and everyone, fate, the pack, my irritatingly affectionate alpha and luna...

About the only person who didn't aggravate me was Max. I'd always been impressed with his patience, and now that I was separated from my own mate, I didn't know how he had lasted three years, his wolf still strong. He was sitting at the breakfast table, eating as if he still had an appetite. He glanced at me.

"You look rough, man. Things not going well with the mate?"

"The mate?"

"Yeah, that human friend of the luna who you met at the bar."

"How'd you know?"

"It was pretty obvious."

I groaned. I didn't want sympathy, it made the situation seem even worse if people were pitying me over it. But if Max knew anyway, maybe he had some advice for me. "How do you do it?" I propped my elbows on the table and leaned my head into my hands.

"Well, we're in different situations. I can feel she's out there somewhere, waiting for me to find her. Of course my wolf and I miss her and wants to find her, but after Glenhaven...well, I'm mostly just grateful that she's alive."

I could only imagine if Amanda had been there for the massacre, how terrified I would have been. Doubly so since she was human. Even the idea worked up my wolf and made me sweat. "You're going to find her, Max."

"I will, or I'll die trying," he said with a nonchalant shrug. "My wolf is getting antsy, he wants to start looking again. I've already told Jason that I'm heading out after the next moon. But you already know my situation, it hasn't changed. What are you doing about yours?"

"I don't even know. She doesn't seem to like me—other than maybe my body. I'm pretty much a booty call that she doesn't call and it sucks more than I would have guessed."

"That's rough."

"She's set out a bunch of rules about how we're nothing more. She told me she doesn't trust men."

Max was thoughtful. "She's probably had a rough past."

"Yeah. Probably."

"Guess you'll have to show her you're different."

"I'm not sure I am different."

"You're definitely different. Whoever hurt your mate was likely not a werewolf, and there wouldn't have been a bond."

"Different, but not in a way that matters." Every day she ignored me made me feel more frustrated.

"Give the bond time to work."

"But she's a human. And she hasn't talked to me in days."

"I'm sure it's affecting her more than you know."

I could only hope. And luckily as a human she didn't know she could abruptly sever the ties between us. It was probably unfair, but I wasn't willing to give up my one advantage just yet, because I was almost certain she would reject me in a second if she knew without even giving me a chance or understanding what we were. I also feared her reaction when she found out I was a werewolf, but that was nothing compared to my fear of losing her. "Maybe I should go and talk to her."

"I'd wait until she comes to you. The bond won't let her forget easily, it'll make her feel the separation if nothing else."

"I'm not sure my wolf will let me wait that long." Then I remembered my friend's situation and felt shitty. "Sorry, Max."

"Nah, don't be. If I knew where Lillian was, I wouldn't be sitting here right now, believe me. I'd be climbing mountains or swimming across the ocean."

"Or you could take a plane." I couldn't resist.

Max grinned. "But how would that show my devotion?"

"It would be faster."

We laughed, although it was more of camaraderie than happiness. "True. Well, good luck, man." I hoped he would find her. We'd been friendly even before the massacre, but our shared experiences had cemented us together as pack. And not just Max and I, Jason was so much more than my alpha, and Kain was always pushing himself to keep up with the three of us. I was proud of the kid since he was tough and capable for his age even though some days it seemed like his only goal in life was to annoy the shit out of me. The four of us were brothers bonded by pain and loss. It was not what any of us would have chosen, but at least we'd had each other after our pack fell.

Talking with Max had made me feel slightly better, and I held out a bit longer.

I continued my strategy of keeping as busy as possible, because when I didn't, my mind wandered to what she was doing, and I couldn't help but replay the image of that bastard in the bar grabbing her, or imagining her with any number of other males. Those thoughts made my wolf sick with jealousy.

And even when I was distracted enough to keep my mind off of her, I still couldn't distract my wolf. His interest in other things was diminished. We hunted or ate to stave off hunger, not for pleasure. We didn't enjoy being around our pack mates as much as we usually did, so we spent more time alone.

Finally on the weekend, I couldn't take it anymore. I tried texting her, and got no response. Finally I drove into town to Angie's, hoping to find her there, but there was no trace of her, although I spotted her friends.

I didn't stop to talk to them, because my mind instantly went back to the way she had left them there both times she'd taken me home. I couldn't resist the urge to go to her house. I wanted to kill whoever she was with. I could smell her as soon as I pulled into the driveway, and walked up the stairs and knocked on the door as lightly as I could with my wolf raging in my head.