The Reluctant Mate

35 Porter

The fact that I loved her just slipped out of my mouth, and then she got very quiet, sitting on my lap silently staring across the room, and it was clearly my fault for pushing her. I wished she would start yelling or throwing dishes at my head again, anything but this sad contemplation. "Amanda? You don't have to—"

"I hate—"

I braced for impact. This was going to hurt.

"—that fucking asshole."

What?

And then she started crying. Big, ugly sobs as she contorted her face in pure misery.

Great job, Porter. Your mate's crying and you have no fucking clue what you did wrong this time.

Well, that wasn't exactly true. I could think of about fifty things I might have done wrong not even counting blurting out that I loved her when I knew she was still uneasy, but I didn't completely understand specifically
why they were wrong.

She put her face into my shoulder and continued to cry, drenching my t-shirt. Well, at least it wasn't me she was upset with this time, since she wasn't running away. Of course it was 'that fucking asshole', and there was only one fucking asshole I could think of who might have upset her this much.

My wolf wanted to crunch that Steven bastard's trachea, before turning him inside out. My wolf was not violent by nature, enjoying the chase of the hunt far more than the conclusion of it. But when it came to the idea of someone hurting Amanda, all bets were off. And my human half wasn't exactly disagreeing. Protecting our mate and pack was what our strength was meant for. He had hurt her, he had upset her and it made me feel murderous. If I ever found him anywhere near her, he really might not walk away after our meeting.

From a young age we were taught that humans were a weak and defenceless species and we weren't supposed to take advantage of that, but I was way past caring that as a human he was weaker than me. Amanda was probably weaker than him and he'd clearly abused his physical advantage over her. An eye for an eye seemed reasonable under the circumstances.

"He's the reason I can't be normal with you," she said, her voice half a whimper.

Yeah, I was going to kill him. She was hiccuping now between her tears. She looked like a mess with her face getting all splotchy, but a cute mess.

I wished there was more I could do. "Don't cry. I don't care about normal." I kept my hold on her intentionally light so she knew she could break away if she wanted.

"I'm not scared of you, but I'm scared. How does that even make sense?"

"It's no rush. I'll wait as long as you need for your fear to go away."

"It might never. That's not fair to you."

"I don't care about fair. I told you I'd take what I could get from you. All of you. It's never just been about your body or whatever you imagine I'm in this for."

She sniffled.

"I mean, obviously I love your body. You're the hottest woman I've ever seen. And you're my mate, so I'm wired that way." I shrugged. "But I like how you're fiery and stubborn and when you speak your mind. I just like being beside you. Although I still kind of want to kill him," I admitted, although there was no 'kind of' about it.

"I kinda want to let you," she whispered.

"I can't though."

"I know. You can't. You shouldn't. He's far away, he's not bothering me."

"I wish I could."

"It wouldn't fix the problem anyway. He's not the problem. It's in me. It's like he rotted me from the inside out and even with him gone I'm not the same as I was before." She shrugged like her words meant nothing.

"You're not rotten. There's nothing a bit of work can't fix."

She sighed.

"Even a structurally sound building needs repair and renovations."

She raised her eyebrows at me. Her eyes were still puffy, but the incredulous expression was a relief after all the crying.

"What? I've done a lot of refurbishments. It takes time, and tools, and people can't do everything alone."

"I can't believe you're trying to use a construction example on me." She shook her head and leaned her head into my shoulder again.

"Hey, I'm trying here."

"I know you are."

"All I'm asking is don't shut me out."

"Already said I wouldn't." She exhaled a long, shaky breath, while she wiped her eyes. "I'm tired, Porter. Could we just watch something?"

"Sure."

I would have carried her, but she pushed up and made her way to the couch. I sat beside her, and she curled up half on top of me like a cat.

Maybe that was why she wanted fifteen of them. Maybe she had a feline shifter ancestor generations back.

I started the show, and five minutes later she was snoring softly. I just sat there and relaxed while I acted as her pillow, until Jason's voice broke into my mind. "Kain's finished training and he's on his way back, everything safe? Don't traumatize the kid."

"Yeah." As if Jason were one to talk with the way he kept chasing after his mate every chance he got. There was no way Kain hadn't caught them in at least a slightly compromising position at some point.

Footsteps sounded outside and I mind linked the kid before he could disturb my mate. "Quiet. Amanda's sleeping on the couch..."

"Yeah, yeah. I won't wake her." He slouched inside with an eye roll and wandered down the hall. Before long the shower turned on. Amanda kept sleeping peacefully in my arms. I brushed the hair from her eyes, and admired the peaceful lines of her sleeping face. She looked young and innocent when she wasn't awake, like the world hadn't touched her.

If only appearances weren't deceiving in this case. I wished she hadn't had to suffer.

Still, for the first time since I met her, I really felt like my wolf was unwinding. Just having some of the peaceful contact we craved was enough to let me actually relax. My eyes grew heavy as the series I was watching continued on to the next episode.