Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 37 (M)

Everything in me tells me to leap upon him, capitalizing on his vulnerable state. He would do anything to get reassurance from me, but this was uncharted territory and while my wolf was scratching at the door, I knew this was not the time. Trailing my fingers from his shoulders down to the buttons of his shirt, I exhale a slow and calming breath. "We are both wound so tight, we haven't gotten a moment to enjoy each other..." I begin, treading lightly as I feel my way through the fragile state of his tolerance for my invasion into his past. 

"I'm trying to find a way to enjoy you." He points out, stilling under my fingers, I can sense his tension and feel a small sad smile curl into the corner of my lips. "We can't leave, we can't allow these two out of our sight, this is all I know to do to confirm that we are okay." 

Verando had continued to attempt to lead me into exploring the Alpha lurking within me, to satisfy the itch that came with the desire to dominate. But, I lacked creativity when he looked so uncertain of me. He didn't trust me in this way, he didn't trust me not to hurt him. I could feel it with every stroke of my fingers, every time I drifted into a place he wasn't expecting. He practically flinched away, my warlord exercised control because he couldn't tolerate the alternative. 

I slowly unbutton his shirt, sliding my hands over the taught muscles of his pectorals. This, on its own, was a new sensation. My wolf was on high alert, I had the sense to protect what belonged to me and this man was solely mine. His heart pounds in his chest, but it didn't accompany the intoxicating scent of desire I'd come to know from him. 

Stiff, he waits for my sentence, the verdict on what I planned to do to him. Glancing up once more, I spread my fingers across the light skin, tracing over the scars that run down the left side of his chest. "It always surprises me," I tell him softly, keeping my tone low and even. "You are so strong and brave, I've known you in multiple phases of our lives, I never expect you to be timid."

Pulling his eyebrows together, he flashes me my favorite look and I can't help but chuckle. "I wasn't expecting to be insulted."

"Randy." I sigh. "I'm just-" What am I? Unwilling? I'd never done this part before, it was easy when I could blame the wolf and have at him with the vigor of a youth on his wedding night. But now that the creature had formed some sort of love for this man, it waited impatiently for my permission and I was uncertain of what to do with it. "I want you so badly I can't bear it at times, but this-" My hand moves to touch his cheek, exhaling at the intentional stillness he demonstrates. "I'm not going to force myself on you. I think, watching you and Caspian-" 

Considering my words, I drag him over to the bed, pressing him to sit as I slide in behind him to rest my hands on his shoulders. Beginning with my thumbs, I begin to massage him through his shirt so I could read him this way. I wanted to feel what he felt, experience what he experienced. I couldn't trust his face, but his body couldn't lie to me. "Tell me about Caspian, about your childhood."

"There's nothing to tell and everything there is you've already seen with your own eyes." His voice is final, I feel the wall building under my fingers as I work on his shoulders. 

"I'm not looking for more, I'm looking for you to tell me about this in your own words and in your own time, nobody else, just me."

Verando's teeth grit, he closes his hands into fists and exhales as he braces back against my hands but I refuse to stop the slow, gentle pressure of my kneading fingers. He'd told me some, more had been said from his friends and family than himself. 

"Randy-" I breathe.

 "There's nothing more to say, Nic. Sherian, Temptrest, and I were handed over when my mother died and my father chose Sherian to carry on his legacy. You're well aware of what that did to him, when he was shipped off, I was the only option. My father had no interest in raising children, he would come once in a while to make sure we were alive and to test me, but other than that I did not have much to do with him until I turned thirteen. I'm not versed in the lore as Caspian and Acer are. Their fathers were much more involved."