Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 79

There wasn't the euphoria that came with the ending of sex with Verando. This was a wave of guilt, shame, and heartbreak, Cas's words shocked me out of my delusion that I didn't just cheat on my husband. No matter what the cost, I should have found another way. At the end of it, I had given in to temptation. I missed him so much, but the reality was it had only been a couple of days since his disappearance. My excuses were minimal. 

"I..." What could I say? Those golden eyes don't fall on Randy, who looks just as ashamed as I do. They settle right on me, boring into me with ill intent. I knew him as well as Caspian did, did he feel like I took advantage of the emotionally fragile man?

"One wasn't enough? You had to stake your claim on both? Are you that desperate? Do you need to have that much validation that he's going to pick you?" The hurt was clear, despite everything, Cas was still hoping that Verando would end up picking him. In some universe, where I didn't exist, surely he would have. "You did this to bond the werewolf to you, right? Some... sick lycan trick?"

His body was shaking, unable to control himself with the change nearing. I feel the tingle in my own body, my wolf on high alert with the ancient creatures so close to their feral forms. "Ever think you're the reason he can't have relationships? That you doing this is what screwed this up for us? For me? That instead, he picked me and you were so desperate to make sure it was you, that bonding your wolves together like this is why he goes on to ruin every relationship after this?" Cas shakes his head with a shakey breath.

That rage settles on Randy. The gray-haired man looks conflicted, I don't expect him to come to my defense. I was ashamed, I shouldn't have done that, I should have been stronger, I should have been more persistent in finding a solution. 

"So that's it? Someone says some pretty words to you and you hand yourself over?" Clutching his fist, he slams it against the cage, making us jump. "Don't ever lie to me again and say that you tried, because you clearly didn't. If I'd known that's what it took to let me fuck you-" He flashes his teeth with a snarl, and for a moment I wonder if he will cry.

"What would your father think knowing his son takes it like a common whore? At least with me, you wouldn't have had to play the part of a woman."

Randy stands, stepping towards the cage walls only to be restrained by his shackles. "I'm done explaining how and why to you, Caspian. I'm not your pawn, I'm not your plaything, we're supposed to be friends. Could you not allow me one sliver of happiness?" It hits me so sharply in the recognition of his insecurities. 

He didn't want to be gay. He didn't want to entertain the idea of being submissive, of letting go and letting me please him in such a way. Verando and Caspian had been in an emotional war as much as a physical one.

Cas scoffs, rolling his eyes as he fastens one of his shackles around his wrist. "Cute that you turn this around on me. Do you forget how much I've done for you? How much I've sacrificed to help you time and time again, yet you keep coming up with these pathetic excuses for how you couldn't possibly love me? Some women would even feel obligated, but no, not Randy.

Yet you serve this man who'll come to kill us all in a few years once we go back. Let him have you like a wild animal while you mewl yourself into a stupor. You can erase my memories, fuck all with what you do, but if you think I'll forget that you've now taken everything from me, again, you're sadly mistaken."

Caspian had always hated me. From the moment he saw me he wanted me dead, he knew that Verando would fall for me, he knew that this was the potential for the future. If that was the case, then we had successfully sent them back in time. But did Caspian's memory not become erased? Did he truly have the ability to hold on to that much greed? I'm nearly euphoric with my epiphany, if only my soul mate wasn't going through a life-changing battle with his closest friend.