Ascension - Book Eight - Man x Man

Chapter 118

A magical hotbed, their concert was an excellent excuse to mingle and be in more relaxed company than at the previous event. Knowing our mission, magic users would flock to these concerts to show support though the amount of mortal scent wafting beneath my nose was enough to make my mouth water. 

An uncomfortable side effect of giving in to the wolf too often, letting it cloud my mortal brain. My nose flooded with a variety of scents, from half-breeds to mages, delicious human blood pumping in mortal veins. I could focus beyond my desires now, returning to the picture of control. Perhaps Cleo was right, keeping my title would suit me in moments like this.

My heat cycle was once more coming to a close, and while I wanted to drink my problems and concerns away, I settled for water instead. Resting my hand over my stomach, the shimmer off the cuff reminded me that a god had made me a promise to help me get what I want. Even though Verando had told me no, even though we'd decided to wait, we hadn't been careful. 

Maybe I'd get a break from this nightmare, surely this couldn't be a monthly occurrence? It'd come and go, without tempting me into ruining our slice of what could be perfect with some work. We were building and traveling, and we hardly had time for the two children we had. Yet, my heart ached at the thought of missing this opportunity. 

I sort through the various eyes as Helen travels at my hip. Tyler had been tasked to move a storm out of city limits, gone as quickly as he got here. A solonomari's work was never done, though Helen seemed relieved for a chance to breathe. 

"Are you going to forgive him?" I ask curiously, offering a small smile to a passing couple in the crowd. Our trial band played in the background, the large stadium was a perfect venue though I appreciated the sky boxes the most. While it kept me away from my lover, it also allowed me to keep a broad spectrum of surveillance. With Tomas and Rowan patrolling, I felt more at ease with the amount of exposure an event like this would bring.

"I'm sick of asking myself this question over and over again. Whatever happens, happens." She tells me in response, eyeing the cuff on my wrist. Instinctively, I tug at my long sleeve in order to cover it. Should I tell her that I'd tried to take it off and it wouldn't budge? Should I reveal that bringing attention to it was causing me undo stress considering I couldn't go back now? "Is it so wrong to wonder if there's something more? How can I look past how he sees me?"

It was something I hadn't had to contend with much, once I proved to Verando that I could fight he practically stood aside and allowed me to lay carnage wherever I saw fit. Verando trusted my judgment, overall, he believed in my ability. He'd seen greatness in me before anyone else, I can't say I could have made it any other way.

"He hopes I would bare him children, yet, how could he fathom that I would even desire to do such a thing with how fucked up my family history is. Why would I want to create more of these? Why would I want to continue this line in any sense of the word? We're so beyond saving sometimes." 

My breathing catches. I wanted that more than anything, "There is way more to your lineage than the parts that are stained in blood." She knew this, she'd traveled through time with us, read the books, and learned the histories. "How will it ever be any different if we don't change it?"

Helen pulls her lips into a thin line, setting her jaw as she exhales heavily. The black leather jacket, cutting off just below her ribs, accentuated her slender shoulders and long arms. She was lilith, lean and cat-like, a woman more than a girl in this moment. Her short reverse bob shivered with every flick of her head as she scanned the crowd, her nose so much like her grandfather, and yet her eyes were paler like her father's. 

"We've done enough, we're immortal, maybe in a century, I'll feel different. Maybe we things like that don't curse our screens, we can start to think about change-"