I'll Go On

I'll Go On Part 5

You all made your way to Professor Lupin's room. Everyone was trying to make you laugh, cracking jokes here and there. The students that were more in touch with their sensitive side stayed close to you. You entered the classroom, greeting Remus and a mysterious man sitting on a desk.

"Good morning, Y/n!" Remus smiled.

"Good morning, Remus and mystery man." You gave a slight smile.

"Ah, this is my great friend, Sirius Black. Pads, this is Y/n Y/l/n. One of our best Professors here at Hogwarts, shall we get started?" Remus held up his wand, pointing towards the board.

"Yes, I'll just observe if you don't mind?" You queried.

Remus nodded and began teaching. You pulled out some class papers and began to grade. You thought about all of the times you've run into Severus throughout the past year and a half. The first run-in was the worst, it was an actual physical run-in. To protect yourself from falling to the floor you held onto his bicep. That touch alone made you recall all of your passionate nights together. Nights that are still ingrained in your mind to this day. However, looking at him now only makes you more numb. The dinners you once loved you now dreaded.

"That must be some paragraph."

You looked up at the rugged voice, "Oh, Sirius, is it?"

He nods.

You pointed at your stack of paper, "A teacher is allowed to get distracted every now and then."

"I understand, I'd be distracted too, looking at a man as stunning as me." He chortled.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, "You are so vain. Your wife must be a sad soul to put up with you."

"Don't talk about yourself in the third person, Darling. It's unattractive," he mused with a smile.

"On that odd note, I must be going now." You packed your things, feeling a blush creep onto your cheeks and slightly overwhelmed.

You signaled Remus of your leaving and headed to your office. Your cheeks and ears were warm, you couldn't deny it. He was attractive and a bit whitty. Fear crept in as well, thinking of the possibility of being hurt again. You didn't let yourself think too far ahead because you knew it would only lead to worry.

You entered your office giggling to yourself lightly, not noticing the stoic figure sitting on your couch. You put down your papers and smiled for the first time in a long time, despite the news you received this morning. You jumped from your position when you heard someone clear their throat. You became numb once more.

"Professor Snape, how can I help you?" You said plainly.

He stepped closer to you, "I wanted to be the first to tell you that Lily and I-"

You smirked and shook your head, "Oh, I'm already aware. The students informed me this morning. Congratulations are in order, I'll be sure to send you some fire whiskey."

He tried to hold your hand but you backed away, "Y/n, I'm sorry you found out that way. I didn't mean for it to happen like this."

"It's perfectly fine. It was quite entertaining. Now, please, be on your way. I have essays to tend to," you brushed your hair behind your ear, trying to avoid his gaze.

He couldn't help but think about how beautiful you looked. Losing you was one of his greatest mistakes but he had to see it through with Lily. You somehow knew and understood Severus more than Lily ever did but he still yearned for Lily more. He wished he could've picked you.

Severus was about to speak when there was a knock at your door. You allowed the unexpected guest entry. You had to hold back your smile.

"Hello Darling, I didn't like how you left me this morning. I don't like being frazzled," Sirius grinned.

You chuckled, butterflies apparent in your stomach, "Sirius, how did you find me?"

"Are you implying that I'd ever lose you? Mark my word, I, Sirius Black, will never let you out of my sight again!" He gave you a charming smile.

You bit your lip slightly but then remembered Severus was still around. Your heart rate picked up as you saw jealousy and anger flash through Sev's eyes. You looked at Sirius, who looked like a lost puppy dog, giving you a knowing look. He wanted you, he wanted you in more ways than one. You were intrigued by his want, he had formed an infatuation with you quite quickly.

You weren't sure what to do, so you just chose to do nothing. "Well, as much as I like company, I need you both to leave. I have loads of tests and essays that need to be graded. So, out, shoo."

They were both hesitant, they weren't positive that the other wouldn't follow suit. Luckily, for your sake, they did. The remainder of your day was long and tiresome. You decided to have dinner in your quarters tonight, spending an evening in was just what you needed. As you were sipping your tea it hit you, Severus was marrying Lily. You were astonished by the thought alone. You chuckled, knowing how you still hurt but you also knew you'd be better off without him. You brushed those thoughts aside looking through your windows out at the stars. You put your tea down and decided to take a midnight stroll. It's been so long since you've had one of those.

You wrapped your shawl around your shoulders and made your way outside. It was beautiful, fall was your favorite time of year. The trees change color and the chilled crisp air tickles your nose. You headed for the black lake, watching the moon's reflection sparkle across the water. When you stopped in front of the lake you took a deep breath.

"Please let me be okay... I just need to feel something, anything,"  You whispered out.