I'll Go On

I'll Go On Part 6

You loved the moon and the stars, they helped you through your sleepless nights. Your eyes watered, realizing how miserable you had truly been. You sat down on the wet grass and cried. You were taking loud deep breathes, ones that you had always needed but never took. All you ever wanted was Severus and all you will ever have is, well, no one at this point.

"Oh, Darling," you heard Sev's voice over your shoulder.

You cleared your snot and tears, looking over your shoulder, "You can't call me that anymore. What are you doing here?"

He came and sat next to you, "I could ask you the same... I came out here to clear my head."

"Mm, well I'll, um, leave you be. I must be going now anyway," you looked at Severus quickly before standing up.

You turned to walk away but his words stopped you.

"Out of all of the men out there, why did you choose him?"

"Choose who, Severus?" You sniffled, looking back at him. Your mind went to Lucius, you were trying to figure out if you'd been caught.

"Sirius Black. I don't know if you remember but he was in the marauder group. The one that tortured me all through the years," he said meekly.

Your eyebrows furrowed, "Oh, Severus. I didn't realize. However, it shouldn't matter."

"Why not? You're seeing someone who intentionally hurt me." He cocked his head.

You scoffed, "Severus, we are not together anymore, meaning I can be with whoever I want. A-And if I were to choose Sirius it should not matter. You're quite the hypocrite. Marrying Lily, who, mind you, was married to James Potter."

You and Severus never talked much after splitting up. The only time you talked would be in a faculty meeting, only when you had to. Severus knew you had changed, you didn't come to dinner as often, you didn't smile in the halls anymore, and your beautiful laugh disappeared. There was no question that he had hurt you but you both knew the moment that Lily walked into The Great Hall that there was no future for the two of you. Your relationship wouldn't last. Then the fact that Lily had taken the chance to actually be with Severus... Well, who on earth were you to get in the way of that. The only downside was that Severus never even got a chance for closure... something you didn't think he deserved.

"BUT- but it does matter! I-it shouldn't be him!" He choked out.

"Well, it's not him! It will never be him- for fucks sake I just met the man today! I am not going to do this with you, I can't. Good night Severus." You rushed back into the castle, crying.

Severus found himself rather sad. He was conflicted, he wanted you but he didn't want you enough. He realized you knew, you knew that you weren't enough for him and that killed him. You were more than enough for anyone but not him, you couldn't have him.

Several days after your encounter with Severus you decided it was high time you took a day for yourself outside of the castle. You were going to spend the day in Hogsmeade. You dressed a bit nicer and did your hair. Your first stop was The Three Broomsticks, a bite to eat and a drink was exactly what you needed. As fate would have it Sirius Black would be doing the same exact thing. You ended up chatting up quite a storm with him. He turned out to be quite a brilliant, intelligent man. One that made butterflies appear. You spent the whole day together, going from shop to shop, telling each other bits and pieces about your lives. He was more than shocked to learn about your relationship with Severus. He referred to Severus as Snivellus and you immediately set him straight, no matter what happened between you two you'd always protect him. Sirius was stunned by the authoritative trait within you, he was a bit turned on as well. He had heard that Lily was back and even saw her a few times. However, hearing what you had been through and of her engagement to Severus, made his gut churn. Lily was a wonderful, beautiful woman but not one worth leaving you for.

Sirius chuckled, "So, it's safe to say neither of us will be attending their wedding?"

You let out a playful gasp, "How petty of us... I love it!"

You both laugh and carry on with your day.

A few days passed by, you were walking to your classroom when you heard someone call out your name.

"Remus, how can I help you?" You smiled as he approached you.

"May I walk you to your classroom?" He asks, needing to talk privately.

"Why, of course. How has your day been?" You readjusted the books under your arm.

Remus talked casually about his day until you made it into your classroom. He sat on top of one of your students' desks and smiled brightly.

"What are you smiling about," you chuckled.

His grin became impossibly larger, "Well, I heard someone spent a whole day with Sirius Black."

You scoffed while smiling, "Oh gosh, Remus. You're like a schoolgirl, we just ran into each other. Do not get your hopes up."

"Y/n, pardon my candor but when are you going to move on? Y-you deserve better than Severus," he muttered out.

You smiled softly, "Thank you, Remus. I'm working on it. Thank you for your concern... I have to figure out what I want my life to be."

He sighed and nodded in understanding, "Can you believe they are getting married?"

You looked down at your fingernails, trying to sort out your many feelings. "No, I can't. Severus always said he would love me until he died." You sat down at your desk, "As far as I'm aware he's still alive."

He stood up, "Who's to say he doesn't love you anymore? Either way, I think you should give Sirius a shot. You never know... He might surprise you."

"Hmm, I'll think about it. Is there anything else you'd like to divulge or are you done for the day?" You asked, thinking about how Remus just suggested Sev still loves you.

"I've said my piece. Will I be seeing you at dinner tonight? I'll save you a seat," he pleaded, hoping to get you out of your stuffy room.

You thought for a moment and smiled, "I'll see you at dinner."

He smiled, "Glad to hear it. Have a good class."

And with that, he left. You began to write on your chalkboard when your students came bustling in, still rowdy from lunch. The room was filled with laughs and chatter. You turned around and smiled at the lot of them.

"Good afternoon students! Today we'll be going over the idea of cause and effect. Ranging from Potions all the way to muggle studies..."