A Raven Among Crows

Chapter 93: Fear The Reaper

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General trigger warnings for this story: Language, smut, mentions of rape, abuse, drug use/overdose, violence/death.

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Jax sat in the empty chapel, sucking harshly on the roach between his lips in an attempt to calm the anxiety building in his chest as he waited to confront Clay. He played it over and over in his mind; each scenario, each likely result - trying to figure out the best way to get the result that he wanted; the result that he knew was nearly impossible now that he knew the truth.

But his time to try and find the right way to approach the very wrong issue was cut short when he felt his heart skip behind his kutte, looking up to the wooden doors where the heavy footsteps stopped before it swung open.

"You lookin for me?" Clay asked with a casual raise of his brow, making his way over to his seat at the head of the table before he could even answer.

Jax said nothing, stamping out the charred remains of the marijuana cigarette that had begun to burn his fingers before setting the ashtray aside, almost forgetting by the nonchalance of his President's actions that this conversation would be the determining factor of both of their fates. He turned to face him, clasping his hands together over the reaper on the table as he stared in the eyes of the one person that he was supposed to be able to trust with his life - with the lives of his brothers, of his mother.

"Two days ago, you sat there..." He began, realizing that none of the words making their way out of his mouth were ones that he'd rehearsed. "And you made me a promise - told me that Opie was safe... Now I'm asking you - brother to brother, father to son... Just tell me the truth, and I'll accept it." He only continued to surprise himself with the more that he spoke; the way that he didn't out Sydney, the way that he didn't tell him that he was a lying, conniving, evil piece of shit who had no right to sit at the head of that table; to lead this club - his father's club. Maybe it was because deep down, underneath all of the vendettas, the ties of brotherhood, and the personal nature of the betrayal - he understood why he'd done it. It didn't mean that the sin didn't need answering for - but maybe keeping it a secret really was what was best for the club. "Just be honest with me." He pleaded with a nod.

Clay felt his face falling deeper and deeper into a scowl as he listened to the level-headed words that almost fooled him - that would've fooled him had Gemma not shared her worries with him just twenty minutes ago. But he knew better than to confide in a conflicted man on the best of days - let alone a conflicted man that had been tainted by the softness of John Teller.

Jax felt tears pricking behind his eyes as his stepfather stared at him long and hard, giving him the exact answer that he so badly wished he hadn't expected. "Did you try to kill Opie? Kill Donna by mistake?" He needed to hear it out loud - to be given some kind of justification to help him get right with this.

Clay sighed, shaking his head slowly before fixing his gaze back on Jax. "I don't know who's been filling your head with this shit, son... I'm gonna tell you again - I love Opie. Loved Donna. I'd never do nothin to hurt em."

Jax felt his jaws clenching tighter and tighter with each indifferent word that hit his ears, finally letting up before his teeth could crack as he fell against the back of his chair in frustration. He was trying to give him an out - to find some kind of middle ground, but the asshole couldn't even swallow his pride long enough for that. He didn't give a shit about the club, he gave a shit about himself.

Clay stayed frozen in his disdainful position as he watched an unconvinced Jax wordlessly get up out of his seat and head towards the door. "This is a rough time for SAMCRO..." He grasped at the last straw that he could make himself reach for. "But we better put this shit behind us - suspicion, resentment? That kind of shit eats up morale - fractures a charter." He told him pointedly.