Meant to be

Chapter 13

TW: SELFHARM, PANIC ATTACK, BLOOD, GUNS, DEATH
(Pov Yn)

I slowly wake up and smile when I feel Wanda's arms wrapped around my waist. I put on my glasses and look at the clock on the wall to see what time it is. 7:34 AM. Suddenly I feel some weird feeling in my body. I recognize it. Oh not again! I'm going to have a panic attack. I had them before but since I met Tony I didn't have any. It's getting hard to breath so I push Wanda away and sit up. Don't do it, just don't think about sharp stuff. But I can't help it. I run towards the bathroom and search for something sharp. I can't do this! It's my fault! Everything is my fault! After a while I find a razor blade. It's all my fault! I now say crying while I take the razor blade and bring it closer to my arm. Then I cut myself. Blood starts dripping over my arm, but I don't care. I deserve it! Just when I want to cut myself again someone grabs the razor blade out of my hand and pulls me in a hug. 'Hey, It's okay, it's okay.' The voice says. I hear its Wanda and immediately calm down. I turn around and hug her while I hide my face in the crook of her neck. Then I start crying, tears roll over my face. 'It's my fault- It's – all – my – fault.' I say between the sobs. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything.' I say crying. 'It's okay Yn, it's all okay. I'm here. Please let me take a look at your arm.' Wanda says while she runs her hand through my hair.

(Pov Wanda)

Yn nods and shows me her arm. I'm shocked. Her arm is full with scars. There is deep cut in her arms that's still bleeding. 'Oh my- Yn... Did you do this to yourself?' I ask, seriously worried. Yn nods, then she repeats the same sentence again: 'It's all my fault.' I take her hand and quickly grab the first aid kit in the bathroom. I grab the disinfectant and pour it on a washcloth. Then I gently start wiping the cut she made. After that I start wrapping her arm with bandage. I never let her hand go. When I'm done I gently kiss the scars on her arm. Then I lift Yn up, she wraps her legs around my waist and lays her head on my shoulder. She stopped crying and has her eyes closed. I walk towards the bed and sit down, not letting Yn go. After a few minutes Yn has calmed down and opened her eyes. She tries to get of my lap, but I won't let her. 'Let me go Wanda, please let me go! I don't deserve you! You are way to good for me. I don't deserve you, please let me go!' Yn half screams, crying again. I hold her closely, I will absolutely not let her go! 'Yn listen to me...' I start. 'No! Please just let me go! Please!' she begs now, but I don't listen. 'Yn, look at me.' I say, but Yn doesn't listen. She is trying to escape, but I hold her still with my powers. I lay my hand on her face, forcing her to look at me. 'Yn, you are wrong! You are way to good for me! Since the day I met you I wonder how I deserved an angle like you. I still do! You are perfect Yn! And I won't let you go, you will have to kill me to make that happen.' I say while I look into her beautiful eyes. 'I love you Yn. You made my life make sense again, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that. But what I can do is show you how amazing you are. Nobody is perfect, but when I think of the word perfect you are the first thing I think about. Yn, please don't push me away. You can talk to me, I can help you.' I say while I run my hand through her hair again.

After a while Yn has finally calmed down. She stopped crying and wrapped her arms around my waist. 'Thank you.' She whispers. 'Always. I would do anything for you. But please talk to me. I get it if you don't want to now... but if you are ready to talk, please talk to me.' I say while I give her a kiss on her head. For a moment it's quiet, but then Yn decides to talk. 'I think I'm ready to tell you... but it can be hard for me, so maybe I'll stop a few times and take a second to calm down.' Yn says. I pull her closer and nod to let her know I understand. I don't care how long she needs. She can take a minute after every word she says. I'm staying right here, till Yn has told me everything. I don't care how long it takes. 'Take all the time you need.' I say. Yn takes a deep breath. Then she starts talking. 'I don't even know where I have to begin... I think I'll just start at the first begin. When I was a little kid I had the most amazing parents, two moms. We would always have sleepovers together, and swordfights. Sometimes they even let me sleep with them. I got bullied in primary school. There was this one girl who would beat me up and talk shit about me. That I was too fat, or stupid... stuff like that. My parents tried to stop it, they did everything they could. But after a while I was 12 and would go to middle school in two months, so they would wait for me at school to make sure nobody would hurt me or talk crap about me. They were the most amazing parents of the world. On my birthday they would always take me to the movies and let me choose dinner after. So, on my 13th birthday, a few days before I would go to middle school we went to the movies and they let me choose dinner. I chose to go to this fast food restaurant I don't remember the name of. But it was amazing and I was having the most amazing night of my life. Till suddenly a man with a gun walked in. He stormed towards the counter and let the waitress empty the register in a bag he brought with him. Me and my moms were hiding under a table and they both were holding me close. After a while the restaurant became quiet and the waitress started to cry. So one of my moms climbed away from the table towards the waitress to check if she was okay while my other mom was helping me away from the table. She pulled me closer and smiled at me. Her smile was calming. She said I love you. Then suddenly I heard two gunshots. Somebody started screaming. I looked at my mom who let go of my hand and fell to the ground. I screamed no and held her close. I didn't want to let her go. Somebody call 911! I screamed crying. One of the waitresses I hadn't seen before ran to the phone and called 911. I looked to the place where my mom and the other waitress were standing minutes ago. They were both laying on the ground in a pool of blood. I quickly ran to my mom and felt her wrist, but there was no heartbeat... and I- I...' Yn says, but then she stops. She was crying and has lost her words. I hold her close. 'Shhh, it's okay. Take all the time you need. I want to say it's horrible what you had to go through... but I know you already know that. It's okay Yn... It's okay. Take a deep breath.' I say. Yn does what I say and takes a deep breath. After a while she starts talking again. 'The ambulance came, but it was to late. My mom Meredith had a collapsed lung, and my other mom Addison had bled to death. I don't get it... My moms never did anything wrong in their lives. They both were surgeons... really good surgeons. My mom Addison fixed babies... sometimes even before they were born. And my mom Meredith had different specialties... they both fixes so many people! And It's all my fault they died because I had to choose that stupid restaurant. If I had chosen literally anywhere else, they would still be alive.' Yn says crying. 'Yn, I don't know what to say... It's awful what you had to go through... but it's not your fault! Nobody sees things like this coming, they just happen... What happened after if I can ask?' I ask carefully, not wanting to hurt her feelings. 'The hospital gave me the necklace that my mom Meredith had and they also gave me the bracelet my mom Addison was wearing. Then the police came and I was dumped in a foster home with these awful people who would hit me. I didn't get food or anything to drink... so after a while I ran away. That's how I landed on the streets. I was 14, homeless, with no school and nowhere to go. I had this amazing aunts Amelia. Maggie and Lexie. But the police never told them about my moms and I couldn't find them anywhere. The workers of the restaurant where my moms died took care of me and brought me food and water and other stuff every day. But I mis everybody so much. My moms, Amelia, Maggie, Lexie... and they had this amazing friends named Callie and Arizona. My aunt Lexie is married to a guy named Mark. I haven't seen them in years. I don't even know if they know I'm alive.' Yn says sad. 'Listen Yn... nothing that has happened is your fault. You couldn't know that man would go to that restaurant! And we can find your family if you want. I have some tricks to find people. But please, please promise me you won't hurt yourself again Yn. You don't deserve to feel pain, not after everything you have been through. So please, let me take care of you. And please promise me you won't do it again. Come to me when you feel like doing it so I can help you. Tell me when something is wrong so I can help you. Please just don't keep all this things to yourself. It eats you from the inside till there is nothing left anymore. You don't deserve that Yn. I love you so much, and I can promise you, you deserve the world!' I say while I give her one more kiss on her head. 'Thank you Wanda, for everything... I can't promise that I won't do it again, but I can promise I will try to come to you. I'll try to let you help me. And it would be amazing if you could find my family... I want them to know I'm alive, that I'm okay.' Yn says while she gives me a kiss on my cheek. She holds me tight, and for the first time since yesterday, she finally smiled again.

'Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to do anything?' I ask while I run my hand through her hair. Yn shakes her head no. 'I just want to stay here with you. You are the first person ever I told about my parents. Pepper and Tony don't even know, and I want to keep it that way. I love you Wanda, I love you so much... and I can't thank you enough for letting me feel joy for the first time in years.' She says. Then she closes her eyes and falls asleep not much later.

(Hi girls, guys and theys. A not so happy chapter this time... What do you think? Will Wanda and Yn find Yn's family? You'l read it in the next chapter. Thank you so much for reading my book! It means a lot to me! Please don't forget to vote if you 'liked' this chapter, because yk... there wasn't much to like about. I'm gonna go now. Bye bye, much love from Teun.)