Girls

Chapter 25

I'm pacing around. What should I say? What should I do? Should I do it?

I'm sweating.

I sit down and stare at my phone, counting every breath I take and give out. I pick up my phone and our text message thread.

Me: Are we okay??

I erase the second question mark and then I erase the text all together.

Me: Sabrina, I feel like somethings up.

Nope, I think to myself. I delete that one too.

Me: Can I ask you something?

Before I second guess myself, I send it. The waiting is the worst. The anticipation is gnawing at me. I wait and wait for what seems like forever but it's only been two minutes. I reach for my Xbox controller and try to relax. Maybe she's busy. Maybe her phone died. Maybe she doesn't even have her phone on her. Maybe maybe maybe.

I turn on my Xbox and then my phone chimes. I lunge for it, pulling up my messages as fast as I can. And then disappointment settles over me when I see its a text from my mom. I throw my phone onto my bed and inwardly curse at Sabrina for not answering fast enough. My anxiety has sky rocketed from all this waiting.

Doesn't she cares that she's hurting me? Doesn't she realize it?

My phone chimes again but this time I'm not as eager to check, especially since it's probably from my mom. She likes to double text me sometimes.

I open up my messages again. Sabrina's name reads clearly across the top of my screen and slowly I look down at her text. My stomach is in knots.

Sabrina: what is it?

So cold, I mutter to myself.

Me: Do you want to break up?

There's a good three minute pause.

Sabrina: ....yeah...

Me: Oh OK.

Sabrina: ...okay?

I'm infuriated now. She wants to break up? Doesn't even hesitate? Doesn't even tell me why??

I text back angrily: Can I at least know why?

Two minute pause.

Sabrina: I thought I was over somebody but apparently I'm not.

That's it? Are you fucking kidding me? She's willing to throw me- to throw us away?? I mean I know we haven't been together that long, but Jesus! She just dropped me like a kid bored with their toy.

I inhale and exhale slowly, trying to find something to say. All I come up with is: K.

Nothing more nothing less. She texts back less than a minute later.

Sabrina: I'm sorry.

No you're not. I send another K and toss my phone on the bed. Guess this is what happens when you get into your first girl relationship; hit upside the head like I wasn't worth shit.

I stare at my wall, feeling hurt and bitter. I start the game waiting for me on my Xbox, hoping to clear my mind, knowing full well I can't.

End
Song: Funeral by Band of Horses