Girls

Chapter 28- one month later

"I think I'm in love."

"WHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!?" Smoke starts to come from the microwave. Shannon grabs a towel and pulls a coffee cup out, black smoke wafting off the top. We tried to make one of those brownie cakes in a cup. Yeah well...let's just say I am not to be trusted with doing shortcuts when it comes to baking.

"You don't even know this girl! You've, what, only talked to her once??" Shannon says, opening the windows before the smoke alarm goes off.

"Yeah, but she's so pretty and nice and—-"

"NO. NoPE. We've already went through this, bruh, with Sabrina. The only difference is—"

"The only difference is this girl is actually nice," I laugh. "And sweet and charming..."

"You've only talked to her once!"

"So? I like her!"

Shannon shoots a look at me. "Oh yeah? What's her name?"

Welp, she's got me there.

I met this girl in the library yesterday. We were in the same aisle and I accidentally bumped into her, knocking all of her books out of her arms. I was apologizing repeatedly and picking them up when she lightly placed her hand on my back, laughed like an angel, and told me it was okay. She was seriously beautiful with her long blond, smooth tan skin and super blue eyes. She's so friggin pretty, man. I didn't get her name, though, and she's probably straighter than the straightest pole. But hey, I'm allowed to crush on those straight girls.

Shannon's phone vibrates. "Dude, Andrea keeps texting me," she says after checking it.

"What, why?" I haven't spoken to Andrea in hella long.

"She keeps asking me if you still have feels for Sabrina. I keep telling her no, but I don't even really know. Do you, dude?" Shannon looks at me over the still-smoking coffee mug.

It really does suck seeing her around school and feeling like a total loser cause I got dumped through text. I know no one knows it 'cept a handful of people, but it's still pretty embarrassing. Like imagine: you're in a happy relationship--or at least you think you are--and everybody thinks you are too, but then one day, she starts pulling away-- and you know she's pulling away-- so you ask, "hey is everything okay?" and suddenly you've been broken up with and you aren't entirely sure what happened. So yes. It is pretttty embarrassing. 

We start to fan the smoke alarms with towels. I finally say, "I mean...yeah, I think I do. She's done some really shitty stuff but that doesn't make me stop having feelings altogether. Am I being stupid?"

"Yes."

"At least you're honest."

"Look man, this girl isn't good for you. You deserve way more respect than she gave you. Hell, you just deserve way more, period." Shannon stops fanning to catch my gaze. Her eyes are staring into my little gay soul. She goes, "Are you going to give her a second chance to break your heart?"

I shrug. "Maybe?" Her eyes are practically peircing into the depths of my bone marrow. "I mean probably not--er, I meant no. No I will not."

"I want you to be happy, bro." She bumps her fist on my shoulder and starts fanning again. Outside, I'm smiling like it'll be okay. Inside, I know I'm most likely going to give it another try. I'm praying that won't be the situation...

-----

I'm fidgety. Probably from anxiety and anticipation. I keep skipping songs on my Pandora. I can't decide if I want to hear the blaring screeches of an angry post hardcore rock band or something whimsical like Ellie Goulding or maybe even the soulful voice of Florence Welch from Florence + The Machine. I'm also trying to pretend like I'm too cool to be here, like she's just a chore I gotta get done. Like I'm doing her a favor by being here.

Fuck I keep biting my lip, I gotta stop that.

God why am I so stressed!?!? I got to just relax and wait and let it be. But do I look okay? Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have worn this shirt today, it's too fucking hot. It feels like my sweat is sweating for God's sake.

Y'all are probably wondering what the hell is going on with me. Well let me catch you up: SABRINA ASKED TO TALK TO ME AFTER SCHOOL TODAY. So here I am, waiting by the library like we agreed. I told Tyler to distract Shannon while I talked to Sabrina. Shannon absolutely cannot know about this. If she found out, she'd have my head, or worse: MY UTERUS. I can't let that happen. I want to have lil mini-me's running around some day!

Shit oh shit oh shit oh shit here she comes. Look at her! LOOK ST HER!!! She isn't even sweating a bit! God oh godddd do I look sweaty? Oh bless, I'm actually not that bad.

"Hey," I choke out too forcefully. She probably thinks I'm hostile now, how wonderful.

"Hey..." she says more tentatively.

"Whats up?" I look around to give the illusion that I have other places to be. The only place I gotta be is home and hell if I really want to be there.

Sabrina looks down, stuffing her hands deeper into her pockets. "Do you, like, still have feelings for me? Andrea heard that you did from someone."

"I might," I blurt before I can stop myself. Insert foot in mouth, please.

But then a thing happens.

Sabrina's eyes jump up in surprise. Her lips curl up a little at the ends and fooooooop there goes my heart racing. Damn thing is a traitor, I tell ya.

"You do?" She says quietly. I can barely hear her.

I swallow and look off into the distance. I fix my voice to low and defeated (cause I am), saying, "As much as I'd rather not, yes."

"Would you ever consider giving this another try?" Sabrina sounds hopeful but who knows if that's real or not.

"Maybe, maybe not. You really had me fucked up, Sabrina, with what you did and how you did it."

"I know and I'm so sorry."

I turn my eyes on her. "What happened to that person you weren't over?"

"I was wrong," she says, "I thought that there was something between them and me, but there wasn't. That's over now. I...I miss you, and I want to be with you, only you."

I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me extremely happy, despite that she's basically only coming to me because it didn't work out with the other one. I swallow and go back to looking in the distance.

"You're going to have to prove yourself," I hear myself say. "I mean you really fucked up, Sabrina, and I can't forgive you so quickly and easily." Where this is coming from is totally beyond me.

"I know." In my peripheral, I see her take a step forward. She reaches out to touch my hand, but I move it away.

"Can I trust you?" I ask her, knowing full well that I can't. I know, I'm a terrible person.

"Yes."

I wet my lips. Do I dare do it? I can hear Shannon's little voice telling me I'm a complete dumbass for even talking to her. I already know that I am, but something isn't letting me let go of her. I want her still. I don't know why, I do deserve better. But what if this time it'll be different? What if this time it'll be good? What if we last? I won't know unless I try it, and damnit, I want to try it.

"Okay," I hesitate. "Let's try again."

Behind Sabrina's radiant smile, I see Shannon staring at us with a cold disappointment I've never seen on her before. She turns around, brushes past Tyler and leaves. I try to smile at Sabrina, but watching my best friend leave because of Sabrina makes this whole happy thing hard.

Am I doing the right thing?

End

Song: Caring is Creepy by The Shins

Authors note: is nicki doing the right thing? Let me know what you think about this chapter in the comments! Hope y'all enjoyed(: