Villa Martinez Series #4: So It's You

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

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Pinagsisigawan ko si Ryder nang makitang siya na ang ang kasama ko nang magising ako. I remember passing out because of drunkenness. Medyo naalala ko nga na si Ryder yata ang huli kong nakita bago ako nawalan ng malay sa bar na iyon. But I did not want to see him!

"Would you rather that man here?"

Bahagyang umawang ang bibig ko. I can feel and see that he was being patient with me. Pero kita ko rin ang tumatakas niyang galit sa nangyari kagabi. He calmed himself. Alam kong tinutukoy niya iyong lalaki kagabi sa bar.

"Oo!" I shouted at him after awhile.

Nanatili lang ang tingin niya sa akin. I saw his Adam's apple moved when he tried to gulp. I can see emotions in his eyes but I did not put attention to it. "Alecx... we're still married." aniyang parang nanghihina.

Nakipagtitigan ako sa kaniya pero sa huli ay nag-iwas din ako ng tingin. I do not support infidelity. I know what I did last night, kissing another man, was not right for I am still married. Pero dala na iyon ng lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa nagdaang buwan. Dala ng galit, panghihinayang... at lahat lahat na.

Muli ko siyang tinitigan. "Maghiwalay na tayo, Ryder." diretso kong sinabi iyon sa kaniya.

His mouth opened but no word came out. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin. I looked away when I think I saw tears shined in his eyes...

Wala siyang sinabi. Tumayo nalang ako sa kama at umalis ay wala na siyang sinabi at hindi na ako sinundan.

"Mom..."

"Alecxandra!" salubong sa akin ni mommy. She looked angry pero natitigilan din.

I'm glad she was just home when I went to our house. Gusto ko silang kausapin ni daddy. I didn't know what to do anymore... Pakiramdam ko kung mananatili pa ako ay tuluyan na akong masisira... Broken without repair. Everything that had happened to my life felt too much already that I can't take it anymore.

"Mommy..." tears fell from my eyes.

"Alecxandra..."

I hugged my mom tightly. I can't remember when was the last time I was able to embrace her like this... But I just feel like I really needed it.

"Mom, ayaw ko na po... Hindi ko na kaya..." I broke down in my mother's arms.

Pero pinakawalan din ako ni mommy at tiningnan ang ayos ko. Ngumiwi siya habang nakatingin sa akin. "What do you want, Alecxandra?" mataman niyang tanong sa akin.

Umiling ako. "Ayaw ko na po, Mommy-"

"Then what do you wanna do?" she asked impatiently.

Bahagya akong natigilan sa tono ni mommy. Para bang alam na niyang hindi niya magugustuhan ang sasabihin ko pa... "Mommy, I want to go abroad... I want to leave the company with dad..." I almost begged my mother.

Seryosong nakatingin sa akin si mommy. "How about Ryder? How about your husband, Alecxandra?" suminghap siya. "Akala ko pa naman ay nandito ka to clear things up."

Bahagyang kumunot ang noo ko. "Mom-"

"Akala mo ba ay hindi malalaman ang ginawa mo noong nakaraang gabi? My goodness, Alecxandra! You're a married woman! I was informed just this morning about a rumor the media was creating about you cheating on your husband! Nakakahiya!"

Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni mommy. I didn't know that it would be a big deal. I mean I already knew I was still wrong to let myself be kissed by another man but I didn't thought that it would even reach the media... Nanatili ang tingin sa akin ni mommy. She also looked problematic. "And have your been to your in-laws? You should explain yourself to them, Alecxandra. My God!" napasapo si mommy sa kaniyang noo.

Nanatili ang tingin ko kay mommy. Mas iniisip pa ba niya ang opinion ng media kaysa sa panghihina ko ngayon lang sa harap niya? I've been disappointed with my parents but I stayed still for them. Because I respect both my mom and my dad and I love them. And I still want our family despite...

"Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagkakaganyan ka, Alecxandra. Ang sabi naman sa akin ng daddy mo ay ikaw daw mismo ang nag-propose ng pagpapakasal ninyo ni Ryder. Wala ka na dapat problema. You're married to the man you probably like! And you're already living a good life!"

"Are you sure about that, Mom?" nanatili ang tingin ko sa kaniya habang nagsasalita siya. Hindi ko inalis ang mga mata ko sa kaniya.

Bahagya naman siyang natigilan at diretso rin napatingin sa akin. "Well, yes!" ani mommy nang makabawi.

I shook my head in disappointment. I may not be a perfect daughter. I may have failed my parents, I may have disappointed them. But they have disappointed me, too... I can feel the hurt in my heart.

"You're given everything you need, Alecxandra! You grew up rich because of our family and money was never a problem. You can buy anything or everything you want. And your dad let you marry anyone you want! Kaya ano pa ba itong mga pinaggagawa mo? You're just creating your own problem!" inis na sumbat sa akin ni mommy.

"Are you this discontented still with your life, Alecxandra?"

"Maybe, Mom," I spoke again. "Siguro nga never pa rin akong nakontento sa buhay na mayroon ako. Because I always wish for more... I wish dad and you stayed for our family. Para sa amin ni Sandro... Sana walang ibang pamilya si daddy... para hindi na nagrerebelde ang kapatid ko... Sana, Mom," pinakatitigan ko siya. I tried to gulp the lump that was forming in my throat. "Sana... may Mommy ako na palaging nasa tabi ko..."

Umawang ang labi ni mommy habang nakatingin sa akin.

I tried to continue despite the hurt that's tightening in my chest. "I hoped you were there, Mom... To guide me, I wish you were there when I was broken-hearted... When I was still confused with a lot of things growing up." I really hope someone was there for me...

"Alam mo 'yon, Mom? Pakiramdam ko nandiyan ka naman, that I have a mother, but you spend more time with your friends than me... You never asked me if I was okay, how do I feel? What's happening to me?"

I saw tears shined in her eyes while she was looking at me. Tumigil na rin ako dahil hindi ko na yata kaya pang magpatuloy.

Wala na akong narinig kay mommy.

Until Sandro came and tried to comfort me. Naging matapang din siyang harapin si daddy para hingin na hayaan na muna akong mangibang bansa. At inako na lahat ng kapatid ko ang responsibilidad sa kompanya. Alam kong mahihirapan siya. He's not even a graduate yet! But he assured me...

"It's all right, ate. Everything will be fine. For now you go and explore life as you haven't explored it before. Ako nang bahala dito--sa company, kay mommy... kay daddy." Sandro gave me a reassuring smile.

I smiled bitterly at him. Nagdalawang-isip lang ako sa pag-alis because I was thinking about my brother. But other than that, after Sandro's assurance to me, I was ready to go and leave everything behind.

Author's note: hello, readers! It took me a while to update, I got busy. I'll update again tonight. Thank you! Take care!