SP Character Fics!

In Life & Beyond

Mildred is constantly plagued with nightmares, & Gwendolyn knows just how to sooth her. What if the roles were reversed?

Pairing: Mildred Ratched x Gwendolyn Briggs

Word count: 1500

Warnings: nightmares, mention of death & funerals, slight mention of PTSD

Mildred had nightmares every night. Gwendolyn supposed this was to be expected, given the multitude of traumas the nurse had gone through in her life - from her childhood, her brother, the war; yet it still didn't make each one any easier for the both of them. A little piece of Gwen's heart seemed to break off each time she would wake to the sound of Mildred's piercing screams & anxious cries, despair shuddering through her as she cradled her girlfriend; not just for the woman in her arms, but for the little girl who had such a merciless start in life. 

Gwendolyn would never admit to Mildred just how much of a toll these nights would take on her, she was meant to be the rock; if not then Mildred Ratched's crumbling walls would simply disintegrate.

This night was a particularly bad one, Mildred had slipped into an unadulterated state of terror, not recognising where she was or who was by her. All Gwendolyn could do was rock her torture-plagued girlfriend in hopes that she would find a way out of her fog of trauma & back to their bedroom. The blonde shook with her own sobs at the impossibility of their situation, worry that she could ever be parted from Mildred taking over, as it seemed to almost every minute of the day. Her cancer diagnosis had been an explosive revelation, especially when both women had started their life together; dependency becoming a magnet in their relationship. They were pure soulmates that couldn't bear to be parted. Threat of separation caused an ache in Gwen's chest that was far more painful than any chemotherapy she could ever receive.

This hypothetical heartbreak raced through Gwendolyn's mind long after Mildred had passed out from exhaustion in her embrace, never leaving even when she too succumbed to a fitful sleep...

- - - - -

Gwendolyn awoke in a strange looking field, surroundings blurry & disorientating. She blinked away the sleep-deprived mist from her eyes & looked around to try to gage her environment. There were a lot of stones, all uniform & in varying shades of grey & white, with messages & carvings into them. Gravestones. She was in the middle of a cemetery. Just as Gwen had identified this, a new sense swam into her view; voices coming near from a group of people all dressed in black, seemingly at a funeral.

As they approached close to where Gwendolyn was standing, she noticed there was one lone figure in front of the pack, with their head down & a black veil shrouding their face, reminiscent of the Grim Reaper in a way. Drawing her out of her fixation on this individual, the blonde notices a hole has appeared at her feet, with some sort of coffin in it. Gwendolyn now felt uncomfortable, not wanting to disturb the grief-stricken group, & there seemed to be a pit of unease in her stomach, growing by the second like a sinkhole.

This strange feeling only grew into a gaping ravine when she looked up as the veiled women removed her covering to wipe at her face, her hair appearing as a red shade. It was a colour that held such comfort for Gwendolyn after hours of stroking through Mildred's coppery locks in a way that soothed both women, so the breath she had been holding in instinctual anxiety was released.

Her strange sense of calm was fleeting though, as the veil was pushed out of the way of the woman's face, Gwen could see that it was in fact Mildred. This was not Gwendolyn's girlfriend however, as her face was drained of all the colour & life that had been fed into her since they had met. The nurse was trembling with weak knees, tears creeping gently down her face as if they were afraid that one rapid movement would send the broken women into a violent outburst of grief. She looked like a little girl, as if the trauma from her past had finally caught up to her in the cruel race of Mildred Ratched's life, pulling her back to a child-like state that she was never allowed to enter in early life.

Gwendolyn was dumbstruck for a second at the thought of her love in such agony, before launching towards the red-head in attempts to comfort & bring back her Mildred again. She took her girlfriend's cold hands in her own, stroking them gently with soothing circles whilst whispering grounding words into her ear to bring Mildred back to her as she did often. 

There was something off this time though, as Mildred seemed to be quite aware of her surroundings, except for Gwendolyn in front of her. This was not a normal PTSD-fuelled flashback response, as Mildred just kept repeating "Gwen, oh Gwen" over & over, her sobs increasing by the minute as her gaze fixated on the hole in the ground. Gwendolyn felt as if Mildred was looking through her, as if she was transparent in a ghostly way & it sent a chill through her spine. 

Could her soulmate feel her there at all?

Curiosity now flooded through the blonde as she realised that she didn't actually know why she was here, what was causing Mildred to drift away, & who's funeral she had effectively gate-crashed. It seemed that as she was unsuccessfully comforting her girlfriend, a gravestone had appeared by the covered-up hole, enshrined in her favourite white freesias. Strange, she thought to herself in a pensive manner.

Suddenly, the discovery hit her as the blurred name on the stone came into focus, as if a blind person had been made to see for the first time ever. The grave read her name – Gwendolyn Briggs. The realisation crushed her like a tonne of bricks as she looked around, the blank faces around her morphing into her mother, her family, her friends. 

In a state of desperation, she waved her hand in front of Mildred's tear-covered face, shouting "Millie, Millie, I'm here, I'm here! Please listen to me," over & over until her lungs seemed to tighten unbearably, bags of oxygen shrinking inside of her until she couldn't breathe. 

An invisible force seemed to tug Gwen down to the earth like a puppet on a string, down into the hole that had reopened, down into the coffin below the ground.

"No, no please Mildred, please; I'm not leaving you, please," she shrieked & pleaded, but the earth would not obey her cries, & buried Gwendolyn deep under the grass until all the oxygen was stolen from her body.

- - - - -

"Gwen? Gwendolyn, can you hear me?", echoed in the mind of the blonde as she shot up in her bed, breathing rapidly as the distant voice of her lost love replayed in her head, like a memory of a past life. Gwendolyn was in a delirious state as she searched her appearing surroundings once again desperately for answers, as the room revealed itself to her. 

It was their room in Mexico, bright sunlight peeking through closed shutters & waves crashing ever so lightly in the distance; familiarity grounding the woman back to her body as the numb feeling dissipated. There were arms around her, soft & warm, stroking her back in gentle motions, smooth & recognizable. 

A voice carefully broke through Gwen's blurred consciousness: "Gwendolyn, it's Mildred. Where are we?". The simple question puzzled the woman as she muttered "Bedroom" in a plain, monosyllabic tone, but then the epiphany of the sentence broke her hazed trance.

"Mildred? Oh, Mildred", Gwendolyn broke down into gasping cries as she threw herself into the chest of her love, panting from the force of her emotions. "Gwen, sweetheart. I need you to take a breath for me, can you do that? Nice & slow, well done my love," Mildred praised as she placed her girlfriends trembling hand onto her steady chest to encourage Gwendolyn's deep breaths, arms wrapped around her. Mildred was aghast by this outburst, clinging onto Gwen; the role reversal making anxiety churn into her own stomach as she rocked them both gently until Gwendolyn's sobs had turned into occasional shudders.

"Millie?," Gwendolyn questioned shakily as Mildred smiled at the utterance of the familiar name; "You know I'll never leave you alone, right?". The red-head frowned slightly at her lover's insecure tone, but then quickly morphed into a reassured aura of contentment as she remembered the way they were both thriving in their united lives in Mexico.

"Oh my Gwen, I could never be parted from you. You are my rock, & I am yours, forever". Gwendolyn looked up, peering into Mildred's warm, chocolate eyes & a domestic calmness overtook her fearful frame of mind.

And so, they held each other's hands & entered a peaceful slumber together, intertwined intimately, soulmates dancing upon a cloud of fulfilment. They belonged to each other now, in life & beyond.