I don't understand.

Chapter 32.

I was in the waiting room waiting for some news about Sophie. I had been in here for 11hours while she was on life support. After the first 5 hours of her being on life support the doctor said she had a 5% chance of her living.

"Mr Brooks?" The doctor said suddenly walking into the waiting room. I looked up at him as if to say 'yes' and he looked at the floor. Please tell me she's okay. "I'm afraid you're fiancé didn't make it. I'm sorry Mr Brooks." He said kind heartedly. Fuck. Sophie is gone. For good. For ever. What am I going to tell people if they ask? How am I going to explain it to Hazel? It's her mother for fuck sake oh my god. I don't even know how I'm going to live. Sophie is my whole world. She means more to me than anything. I can't live without her.

*2 days later*
I've already called my mum, Beau, Jai, Michelle, and all of our friends and explained it to them. I decided to give Hazel something to do and I asked her to get the mail for me. All I've been doing is crying and I don't want to be seen like this. I explained to Hazel that mummy has just gone up to heaven and won't be coming back for a while. Hazel came back in while rolled up junk mail and a letter from the hospital. "Dear Mr Brooks,
We believe that the death of your fiancé was caused my stabbing to her stomach which caused internal bleeding, which made her bleed to death and also she popped a few veins in her wrist which stopped blood flow. We believe it was done by herself as her fingerprints were the only ones traced on the knife, her wrist and stomach. We are terribly sorry for your loss and wish you the best in your future.
Sincerely, hospital staff."

She committed suicide? Why? I don't understand. I called Beau and Jai and told them about the note. "I don't understand" they both said in sync. "Why would she do that?" They questioned. It sounded like they were in tears as well as me.
I went through our bedroom just inhaling her scent because it made me feel better. I put on one of her hoodies I bought her just so it felt more natural. I looked at our photos in the frames and took one out. It was a selfie of me, her and Hazel. When I took the photo out of the frame a little folded piece of paper dropped on to the floor. I opened it curiously to see what it said.

"Dear Luke
I just want you to know that I love you and I always will. I did this for my own good. I'm sorry but I had to. You will never understand. No one will. I don't even half understand it myself but I had to leave. I love you all so so so much and I am x10000 greatful for having you beautiful people in my life. But now it has to end. Luke I want you to take good care of the boys, Gina, Hazel and my mum. I do not want this to ruin your life. I did it for the best and all I want is for you all to just be happy. I love you Luke. Just remember I will be in your heart forever. Goodbye - Sophie xxx"

I was already bawling my eyes out before I finished reading the note. Why wouldn't we understand? Why didn't she understand? I don't understand why all of this is happening. I know in repeating my words heaps but seriously. What is this life? I don't understand.