Beau Babies / h.s

A Little Bit Of Lovin'

I lay awake. Eyes stretched open and dry. I blinked and pulled them open again to stare at the ceiling.

Every night was the same. I'd fall asleep early. And then suddenly awake with a start at the imaginary sound of the girls crying. I'd jump up and run into their room, as if I half expected them to be there when I burst through the door.

But then every time, my heart would sink at the sight of an empty room. Then, I stroke all three cots and sit on the window seat just watching the room until I'd fall asleep and wake at morning to start my day again,

This evening though, I didn't fall asleep, I just lay in the bed. Watching the ceiling as if it could come alive,

"Twinkle twinkle little star," I murmured, "How I wonder what you are," I sniffed. I'd had a cold for the past week and apart from crying and feeling just awful. I had been made worse by my snivelling nose and sore throat,

"Up above the-" I stopped, the high note was too much. I stopped and locked my voice in my throat. Then, I squeezed my eyes shut. Multi-coloured appeared through the darkness.

But I must have of fallen asleep as some point because when I woke up. The sun was shining through the window, through the drawn curtains, right into my eyes,

Squealing with frustration, I threw my hands up into the air and kicked off the duvet covers. With a scowl on my face I pulled up my hair and didn't even look at myself in the mirror before leaving the room,

I stopped at the doorway. I tried not to move my eyes to the left. I commanded my mind not to look. But they did. I stared at the door, pressing my ear against the door, I tried to listen for their cries. Nothing. All stayed silent,

Quietly, I ran down the stairs on my toes and into the kitchen. I managed to stumbled over my own feet despite how slowly I was walking and smacked into the door,

"It doesn't seem to be your day does it?" Liam smiled soberly from the table,

"It never is my day," I muttered in my newly found husky voice,

Liam gulped, "Do you want breakfast?"

"I do," I snapped, "But I'm not an invalid, I can make it myself,"

"Ok," Liam stretched out his one word answer and looked down not sure what to say,

Picking up the cereal box that was on the cabinet. The bottom of it opened and the cornflakes poured out onto the floor,

"Oh my fucking god!" I screamed, Liam jumped and hit his knee on the table. I slammed the empty box down and crunched my way out of the kitchen,

My stomach growled in protest, I couldn't remember the last time I ate. Or drank anything. Cornflakes stuck to my feet as I stormed noisily up the stairs,

"Bobbie?" I heard Nialls' uneasy voice, I couldn't bear to look at him. So I ignored his voice and walked back into my room, slamming the door loudly behind me,

I cried, again. I was always crying. I was always angry. I didn't know what else to do. I had no feeling for doing anything else. My soul felt empty, my soul was empty...

Subconsciously, I locked the bathroom door and turned the water on. Then, I pulled my pyjamas off and climbed into the shower,

Then, I sobbed my heart out. The sound of the water drowned out my cries and the droplet blended with my tears. I slid down and sat in a puddle pooling in the bottom from where I'd used up too much water,

I don't know how long I'd sat there. Long enough. Because my skin started to wrinkle. But I didn't care. I had nothing to care about anymore. So I sat there, letting the water hydrate me. Then, more crying until eventually, my eyelids closed for the better...