Boston Blood

sixty nine

Frankie had never felt this way before. Even her mother's death hadn't made her feel so completely broken. She never dreamed that losing Cillian would affect her like this. That arrogant, absolute prick of a man who also happened to be the bravest, kindest and most loving man she had ever met was gone. She couldn't move, or think or even breathe. He was gone. 
She felt James' tired arms pull her to her feet but she couldn't look at him. As distraught and heart broken as she was, she couldn't take her eyes away from the birds that were singing and circling happily over her head. Was this what shock felt like? She felt like she was dreaming and couldn't hear the words that James was whispering beside her. His hands were gripping her shoulders now and shaking her, violently. Her head was swimming. She was completely numb but also felt strangely light, like she was high on the most beautiful and dangerous drug she had ever laid her hands on. She slowly let her eyes lock with James' bewildered ones and suddenly found herself laughing hysterically. All at once, it hit her. Everything that had happened in tonight and in the last year of her life. But not just that. She felt the weight of all the pain, all the trauma and the brief love she had felt for him. It hit her hard. James had to catch her before she hot the ground and the laughter had warped into a violent, haunting scream. 
"Frankie. Frankie, it's okay. You're alright. Just let it out. I know, I know. Sshhhh." James' kind words and embrace were giving Frankie a conflicted sense of comfort. She let him wrap his thick arms around her and cried into his chest, while digging her nails into the exposed flesh if his neck. "Frankie, I know you're hurting but you can't stay here. It's not safe. That Mac guy, he gave me his number and told me to tell you to call him so he can come pick you up. You need to leave. I can't have you here. I need to deal with Cillian." 
James; harsh, biting words were such a stark contrast to his comforting embrace that they seemed to pull Frankie out of her hysteria. She whipped her head up and pulled away from him, the hurt and pain now completely taken over by rage. "Deal with him? What do you mean; deal with him? I-, we have to call someone, to speak to someone about arranging a funeral." 
She was confused by the look of pity and slight amusement that was etching James' face and this only made her more enraged but she didn't have the energy to fight him. She knew he was right. It wasn't safe. She wasn't safe. She had no idea who Aidan and Damien had working for them or if Damien was still out there looking for her. She had to get away from here. All she wanted to do was go home and the harsh realization hit her like a tonne of bricks when she suddenly felt like she didn't have a home anymore. "I want to see him. I need to see him, James. Let me in. I need to say goodbye. I need to-," 
She didn't get to finish her sentence. The physical and mental torment that was crippling her body was overwhelming. She tried stay standing up but her legs were like jelly and she felt like her heart was going to explode. Her lungs weren't getting any air and they were starting to hurt. James was yelling something at her but it sounded like he was under water. She tried to fight it, knowing this was her last chance to see the man she loved but she never got to. 

***

"Frankie? Frankie wake up. Please say something!" 
She couldn't place the voice that was dangerously close to her pounding head. It sounded frantic yet kind and so worried and for a minute, she had eluded the pain. It sounded like him. Her heart slammed in her chest and she felt a silly smile pull at her slackened lips. "Cillian?" She rasped and felt the hand holding hers grip tighter. Her heavy eyes fluttered open and her ridiculous hopes were shattered. Michael knelt beside her as she tried to hide her devastation from him. It took her a minute to get her bearings but when she did, she started to thrash against her brother and screamed with everything she had. "No! No! Where is he? Where's James? I was supposed to see him! I have to say goodbye! Michael please, please take me back there." 
Michael was sitting beside her, then trying  as gently as he could to calm her down. He knew how hard this was for her. James had told him what had happened when he called for him to come get her.. He saw Cillian's body lying on the bed at James's house and felt an overwhelming surge of sadness for Frankie and the kid. He put Frankie into the car and was so thankful she was asleep. She looked so peaceful and he wished she cpuld hold onto that peace a little longer. It's funny, no matter how much trauma the brain goes through, it'll still always try and protect you from the pain. Michael was thankful that, for Frankie, her brain had let her sleep just enough to shut off the agony, even for a few hours. Sure, he never really warmed to Cillian and still blamed him for all the shit Frankie had gone through but seeing her there, so distraught and broken all he could do was hold her. He knew there was nothing he could say that would make her feel better. He couldn't help but think of how he would be if something had happened to Linda. Thank god, she was safe. He had never seen her like this, this vulnerable and devastated,  not even when their mam died. She looked like someone had not only taken the person she loved away from  her but a huge part of her seemed to be gone too.
He let her cry, gripping onto her telling body for what felt like hours until the violent sobs had started to diminish, leaving broken breaths and sniffles in their wake. She eventually peeled herself up to a sitting position and he could finally get a good look at her. She looked terrible. It scared him. "Is Linda? Damien? Is he?" 
He knew what she was asking and the look of terror and shame on her face made his stomach flip. "She's fine. I took care of Damien. It's over, Frankie. Linda is going to be fine. I met him at Aidan's apartment and tried to reason with him. I told him that Aidan was dead and that if he came with me, willingly, I'd tell the judge he cooperated." 
Frankie waited as Michael hesitated to continue. "He didn't take that too well. He unloaded his gun but I got a shot in before he could do any damage. He's dead."
Frankie nodded. She felt nothing regarding Damien's death but a wave of relief washed over her when she learned that Linda was okay. "Frankie, I have no idea who else knows about you and the list. The whole city is corrupt and I don't know who I can trust. There might be people looking for you. I'll have Linda under close watch but I'm afraid I won't be enough enough keep you safe."
She nodded again, absentmindedly, not really listening to his disguised pleas for her to run. 
"I should have never gotten her involved. I'm so sorry Michael but I just didn't have anyone else. I didn't know if I could trust you and I-, I'm so sorry. She could have gotten killer because of me. I'm the angel of death. Everyone I touch gets hurt." The harshness and finality of her words are him shiver. He didn't believe that for one second but a part of him felt ashamed that he couldn't find the words to comfort her. But he could see that look on her face, that look that he had seen so many times when they were kids. He hadn't seen it in years but there was no mistaking it. She was broken. 
"What's going to happen now? The list? The names need to be made public. People deserve to know the truth. We have to give it to someone who will know what to do with it. I need to make it right or all of this will have been for nothing." She looked like a child with her big bright green eyes ripe with loss and innocence. 
"I'll take care of it. They're all going to get what they deserve, trust me, Frankie. And the money will be seized too. It'll all be impounded as eviden-,"
"No! No way. I gave Linda the money because I wanted her to have it. She deserves it. You're going to have a baby and you'll need the money, especially if you lose your job for helping me. Please keep it, I know it's dirty money but who the fuck cares at this point. I've put you two through enough. Keep the money."
Michael sighed. "Frankie, I can't. I'm a cop for God's sake. How could I keep blood money belonging to Tony Russo? I won't lose my job. The Captain will be over the moon when I tell him about the list. He's not on it, so I'm going to trust him. My punishment won't be too bad if I tell him we're going to put these corrupt fucks away for years." He chuckled, humorlessly for a second. 
"Look, you're going to have to get as far away from here as you can. You take the money, you'll need it. I won't say anything about it. Shit, maybe my name should be on that fucking list. "
Frankie conceded. She didn't have the strength to argue anymore. She didn't want to talk or think about any of it, not Tony or Aidan or... Oh my God, Lucy.
She had, stupidly, almost forgotten and despite her aching heart, she felt it flutter to life. Picturing her face had reignited the drive and life struggling to re-surface within her. She still had a purpose. She needed to see Lucy. But just as quick as it came, her feeling momentary elation was cruelly ripped from her when she wondered how she was going to break the news about Cillian? And Aidan, even. That poor child. She had lost every member of her family. Everyone she loves. 
Fresh tears streamed down Frankie's face and she felt her body shut down, unable to take any more pain. She wanted to hear Lucy's voice but she didn't know if she could bring herself to pick up the phone. Even the thought of trying to act like everything was okay made her sick. No. She would wait until tomorrow and go to Florida in the morning when she hoped she felt a bit more stable. She hoped. Maybe I won't tell her he's gone? What if I just say he's gone away for a while?
She mentally berated herself, putting that stupid thought down to exhaustion and grief. She rubbed her eyes and hugged her body tighter. 
"Frankie, you should eat something. You need to keep your strength up." His voice was laced with sadness and he felt his tired eyes start to water. All she did was shake her head saying "no" but he got up anyway and shuffled over to the kitchen to make her a sandwich. He could feel her eyes piercing the back of his head and he felt so guilty when he took much longer than he needed to assemble the scraps of food he had found in the fridge. He didn't know what to say or do and as happy as he was to be finally reunited with his big sister, knowing that all this shit would soon be behind him, in that moment, he felt the full weight of the fact they the woman sitting behind him felt like a complete stranger. His hands shook as he reached for a plate in the cupboard above his head, terrified to finish his task and have to face her. What was wrong with him? He should be thrilled that she was safe and that Linda was okay too, that all of this was over but his heart felt heavy and he suddenly felt sad.