We Rose Up Slowly

Chapter Six

From most people's eyes, Trixie was your usual spoiled only child. Her parents wouldn't doubt before buying her anything she wanted, trips, make-up, clothes, it was any girl's dream. All she had to do was behave. In reunions, she needed to sit pretty and not speak unless she was spoken to. With her parents, she had to prove that she was still the innocent girl they raised. Trixie knew that she would get what she wanted as long as she pretended to be what people wanted. She just accepted it the way it was, and she ended up becoming this character. This upsetting, bratty till death girl who looked straight out of a Barbie box.

Most of the time, it was perfectly stable. All she had to do was let the selfish side of herself take over, without any remorse. It was fun to be able to act like this and blame it on a character she created to protect herself. But slowly, she started self-reflecting, even more now that she was studying the human brain and how it worked. Trixie started to understand that even if she knew she was putting a mask on, it affected people. Whatever she said still affected people, whether it was real or not. Her words still carried weight and meaning. She tried to ignore it, to just keep going as if nothing was going on, like another normal day. But each time she said a mean remark, each time she argued with Katya, a question popped up in her mind.

Who are you?

Trixie felt her hands get sweaty, the grip on her pen now slippery. It was a question she hated because there was no point to it. Why does it matter who she is when all people will see is who they think she is? She could define herself all she wanted, but her actions throughout her life speak louder. No one will stop and listen to a heartfelt confession from Trixie Mattel. From the same Trixie that went out with almost every guy in high school, the same Trixie that claimed she didn't have a care in the world while she chugged wine, the same Trixie who showed all the luxuries she can afford on Instagram. She had doomed herself creating this character, and now she had to live with it, Or did she?

Trixie stood up from her desk, deciding that she needed tea. She needed her hands busy, and her mind too. Making tea was simple, but it was enough for Trixie to get a bit distracted. She poured the almost boiling water into her cup, where the tea bag went damp. She watched as the steam came out of it, her eyes fixating on the waves and shapes. Trixie put her finger up, stirring the steam for fun. She snapped out of it, grabbed her cup, and went outside, she needed fresh air. Trixie drank her tea, pretending that it didn't burn her lips and tongue. Her eyes wandered on whatever they landed on. whether it be a bird chirping, standing on a tree, or a couple walking by, their hands entwined. She looked to her side, finding a pack of cigarettes.

The box of twenty cigarettes was already started, eleven of them missing. Trixie stared at it, while she sipped her tea. What did Katya find so fascinating about it? It seemed religious, how at the same time every hour she would smoke. It reminded Trixie of how her parents went to church every weekend. What did cigarettes have that hooked Katya so badly? She took a few steps forward, grabbing the box and taking a good look at it. 'Smoking clogs your arteries' Trixie frowned. That only happened to people that smoke a pack a day right? One cigarette, just to try, wouldn't harm her. She took out one of them, placing it in her mouth and lighting it up with a lighter that was next to the box. Trixie inhaled, and as soon as the smoke reached her lungs and throat she started coughing. How could this be pleasant?

"Good girl gone bad, huh?" Katya said and Trixie jumped, scared.

"Shut up," Trixie immediately put the cigarette out on the ashtray.

"That's the best comeback you got?" Katya stepped outside, joining Trixie, lighting a cigarette for herself.

"I don't like wasting my time," Trixie sipped her tea.