We Rose Up Slowly

Chapter Fifteen

Katya brought a hand to her forehead as an insufferable headache made her groan. She opened her eyes slowly, wondering why the drunk her left her window completely open. She vaguely remembered going to sleep with someone by her side, but when she looked to her left, the only clue of anyone being there was a single blonde hair. Panic bubbled up inside Katya's chest, mixing up with the hangover, it made her run to the bathroom to vomit. The apartment was silent, Trixie had just disappeared. Katya knew what they did last night, it wasn't a completely unconscious decision. Nevertheless, Katya didn't think of the consequences, and now, she had to deal with them.

Initially, came worry, where was Trixie? Had something happened to her? Did she now hate Katya? Katya walked the balcony restlessly with a cigarette in hand. Then came guilt, that heart-eating feeling that made Katya regret all of her choices. What if Trixie wasn't conscious of her decisions? Does she feel disrespected, or even worse, assaulted? Katya couldn't bear to think about it, she would never forgive herself if that were the case. She grabbed another cigarette and lit it up, what had she done? Sure it felt right at the time, maybe way too proper. Never in a thousand years, Katya through it would be possible. Now that it happened, the only thing it was causing was distress.

Katya felt her chest going up and down, her throat closing as it drowned in smoke. This feeling was like nature to her at this point, she walked to the couch, noticing her shaking hands. Katya sat on the couch with her knees up to her chest as her breath got unrestrained. Tears started rolling down from her eyes, she would wipe them away, leaving her hands shinning. She gave in to the loss of control, letting her body exude her anxiety. What seemed forever was over in a matter of two minutes when her breathing became steady again, and her once wet cheeks were dry. Her forehead rested against her kneecaps while she caught her breath, grabbing another cigarette shortly after.

-

Trixie didn't run away, at least she had convinced herself she didn't. The minute her eyes shot open she heard the voice of her mother calling her a monster. She had to get out, she couldn't be in bed with what proved what Trixie had feared for a while. When she was under the influence none of this seemed this dramatic or serious. The social lubricant made it seem like a little adventure that would mean nothing the next morning, but she was wrong. She didn't regret it, she didn't feel guilty, she didn't feel assaulted, she was scared, mortified. So, she did like women, she liked their touch, she enjoyed their body, she likes women. Trixie tried to drown out the voice with a few cigarettes she had stolen from Katya.

Her eyes moved frantically around the sidewalks, jumping from face to face and building to building. She now didn't have to worry about coughing, she had learned from watching Katya. Trixie brought the cigarette to her lips and inhaled softly, bringing it to her lungs and out. It was kind of hypocritical, she smirked, she had thrown Katya's cigarettes off the balcony and there she was, stealing them. Trixie spotted a coffee shop through her sunglasses, trying to hide her fatigued glance. She sat outside, not planning to stop the chainsmoking she had going on. She asked for black coffee, changing her routine up a little.

Trixie was great at ignoring the warnings her brain gave her, or call-outs. It became a habit long ago, that was breaking down lately due to her studying psychology. She would also make excuses for herself, which before, she would've not doubted, but today, she thinks them once ad once again. That's why she's struggling so much with her sexuality, she's over the excuses she had made for herself. She can't blame it on alcohol any longer, this was something that she had contemplated completely sober. Sure it was experimentation, but it wasn't careless or not thought-through. Trixie had done this for proof, for an answer, and now that she has it, she doesn't have any idea what to do with it.

-

"You fucked her?!" Bob screamed in exhilaration.

"Yeah"