We Rose Up Slowly

Chapter Five

Katya squinted while she held the tiny objects in her hand, the metal pressing against her skin. She never knew that making knife earrings could be this complicated and demanding. She bit her lip as she pressed the metal circle inside of the hole in the knife she made herself. As she took a break from forcing her eyes and fingers, she looked back to the day before. Violet had been wonderful, they laughed and talked a lot, quality time as Katya liked to call it. But something was off, something Katya couldn't pinpoint.

 It probably was her anxiety making up things, but there wasn't that spark that used to be there. That spark had been missing for a while now, but Katya didn't want to accept it. Violet and Katya had been together for nearly three years now, she got used to it. Katya got used to calling Violet hers, and the thought of not being able to do so anymore terrified her. But again, what she really loved was her idea of Violet, the old Violet she fell in love with. That sweet Violet with thousands of dreams and hopes. She clearly had changed and morphed since then. Katya sighed, tired of so much mental activity. She needed coffee.

It was almost eleven p.m and Katya thought Trixie would be out with Kim or already sleeping. But to her surprise she found the blonde woman sitting down on the couch, a mug filled with what Katya supposed was tea. Unsweetened tea, ew. Maybe Katya's coffee was super strong and made any other's heart rate speed up, but at least she sweetened it. In Katya's mind, Trixie was more of a Starbucks super sugary drink kinda gal, that fit her idea of Trixie. But just like with her career Trixie surprised her with her beverage choice. Only when Trixie looked back at her with one brow arched, did Katya realize she had been staring at her for about a minute, with an empty cup in her hand.

"Do I have something on my face?"

"No," Katya tried to sound confident but failed terribly. "I just wanted to get coffee."

I just wanted to get coffee? Really Katya?  She thought as she walked to the kitchen, uncomfortable because of Trixie's stare. It was moments like these that made her want the earth to swallow her whole. Moments where she didn't have her mask on, where she felt out of control. She knew that Trixie would take advantage of her clearly nervous state. Trixie wouldn't hold back, because she didn't care. She has all she ever wanted and more, she just needs to ask for it. That's something Katya envies about Trixie, the power she has. A power that even if it can't be used towards everyone, makes Trixie feel like she has that power over everyone. Katya felt like that most of the time, but not when her own mind betrays her.

"You're gonna spill the coffee," Trixie pointed out just before Katya burnt herself. "I didn't know making that stupid jewelry was so nerve-wracking." Of course, she needs to be mean.

"It isn't stupid," Katya frowned as she grabbed the sugar. "You don't get it."

"Yeah because there's a lot to get for two cigarettes made out of resin," Trixie looked back at the TV, taking a sip from her cup. "Don't lie to yourself."

"At least I apply what I learn," Katya raised her brows. "You study psychology and you are quite the most selfish, self-absorbed, spoiled, unnecessarily mean person I know."

"You don't know me,"

"Nobody does," Katya said, seeming to take Trixie by surprise, looking away from the TV. "Not if you are as fake as you are."

"Being blonde and pretty doesn't mean being fake,"

"I don't care about how you look," Katya locked eyes with Trixie. "I can even hear your fakeness in your voice."

Katya threw a questioning look at Trixie when she noticed her cheeks turning pink. What she didn't know is that all Trixie could think of was Katya's voice. Katya's voice that night, how it made her feel something she had never felt before. That's why she just managed to say a soft 'Okay' before turning back to whatever the TV was watching. She waited until Katya went back into her room to let a heavy sight out. First, Trixie cursed herself for not being able to come up with a comeback. Second, she got scared. She got scared from that feeling. It was new, and she hated that it had to be caused by Katya. Trixie questioned what it really meant, or if it meant something at all. It was probably just the hormones acting up, or maybe the fact that she hadn't had sex in weeks. But she also always slept with men, because she knew that it was what she was supposed to.