The Abysmal Chasm

Chapter 21

Sai did not want to go straight to her hostel. She meant it when she had told Virat Sir that she wanted to be alone. At the hostel, she did not have a room of her own to lock herself in. So much had happened in the last few days. She needed to be alone to process and make sense of it all.

If this were Gadchiroli, she'd have gone to her hideout. The well on Barkha Wagh's estate. She did not know Barkha Tai back then, but she knew about her. Barkha Rani was world-famous Maharashtra's favorite folk dance Lavani performer. Hence, she would rarely be at home in Gadchiroli. So Sai would sneak in and sit inside the steps of a well-hidden dried-up vihir. When Aabba was alive, she had needed to use that place only twice: once when she had got her first period and did not know how to talk about it with Aabba. That was one of the few times she had missed a mother. The second time she had needed her hideout was after being ragged by the goon Jagtap; she needed to calm down before going to Aabba. Aabba was already stressed about the Mane case he was working on. She knew this incident would only add to that stress. That day she had consoled herself with the happy thought that soon she and her Aabba were going to be far away in Nagpur, busy working towards her dream.

The last time she had needed that hideout was when she had succumbed to the townsfolk' demand: to secure your future, you need to marry Virat Sir. It was there she had decided between running or taking the plunge. It was there she had convinced herself. "This marriage is just the means to an end. You have nowhere to go. And anyway, Virat Sir has said it's just a deal so go with the flow for now."

In Nagpur, she had not needed to find a place outside the house. In Chavan Nivas, her hideout was usually her room when Virat Sir was not around, and when he was, she would go up to the terrace. Now she needed to find a quiet place outside Chavan Nivas. "Kaka, do you know of a quiet place, a park or something?"

"Saheb has instructed me to take you straight to your hostel."

"Your Saheb, can give you instructions, but not to me. And if you want to go straight to the hostel you are more than welcome. I just need some quiet place for meditation. So are you going to take me or do you want me to go on my own?"

The havaldar kaka was about to make a call. "Please kaka, only 15 minutes."

"Nakki, after that straight to hostel?"

"Ho baba Nakki!"

The constable asked the auto driver. "Bhau, take us to Dhantoli part, it's on our way. And you will have to wait for 15-20 minutes. Ok?"

Who refuses a havaldar. After about twenty minutes, the auto stopped at the park. There was no point arguing, so Sai let Constable Datte follow her until she reached a bench. "Kaka you wait here. I will go sit there, within your eyesight."

For a Sunday evening, the park was not that crowded. Sai closed her eyes and transported herself to that vihir in Barkha Tai's estate. She couldn't help going back to the day she had decided to enter into the deal marriage with Virat. The wedding that all her well-wishers had told her would secure her future. And look where she was now. She was married to a man who she just couldn't recognize. She was amazed at her Aabba—"Aap toh anteryami hai na Aabba—so why did you do this? Why did you ask a man like Virat Sir to take on my responsibility? And why, against my better judgement did you force me to fall in love with this man? Aabba he lied to me—whatever his intentions, he lied."

"I kept all this from you to protect you. I did not want to make you complicit in my crimes. A part of me was also afraid you'd stop me from keeping my promise to Sada. You are such beacon of truth. And you also have a relationship with DIG Sir, I was afraid you'd run straight to him, jeopardizing Shruti and Sahas's life."

"Aabba, does that man even know me? Am I that heartless—yes I would have asked him to not break the law but I would have never let anything happen to Shruti and Sahas."