Chapter 133

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I let out a scream as blood began pooling out of his chest and slowly from his mouth. My hands couldn't stop shaking as he was struggling for his breath. He reached his hand out for mine, "do it, please. Leah I'm begging you please." I slowly pushed myself up trying my best to steady my hands as I reached for my gun. I was going to point it at Carvers head, but he let out a small whisper, "I did love you Leah." Those words flooded through every vein in my body and I held my gun up but instead pointed it directly at Maggie. "Leah," she whispered shaking her head.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" I screamed. I shook the gun around, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING." I turned the gun to Negan, "was this your idea?" He held his hands up, "I'm sorry Leah." Daryl sighed, "Leah you don't want to do this." I let out a sob, "EVER SINCE YOU GUYS CAME BACK EVERYTHINGS BEEN FUCKED. EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS ABOUT YOU MAGGIE, HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT. PEOPLE DIE WHEREVER YOU GO. GLENN DIED YEARS AGO. BUT YOU STILL HAD TO TRY AND KILL NEGAN, AND YOU HELPED DARYL, YOU FUCKING HELPED HER. BUT YOU DIDNT KILL HIM YOU GOT MY DAD KILLED INSTEAD. AND THEN YOU ALL JUST DISAPPEARED, AFTER I HAD LOST THE ONE PERSON I HAD LEFT, YOU TOOK OFF. I SAID I FORGAVE YOU BOTH AND THAT WAS TRUE, IT WAS. BUT I DIDNT FORGET. YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR ME. YOU WERE MY FAMILY BUT YOU LEFT, AND YOU KILLED HIM." I pointed down at Carver, "you killed the ONE person I told you not too. FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU. You don't deserve to fucking live Maggie, you were gonna put that axe through me just to kill Carver. You mean nothing to me, you're not my friend, you're not my family, you're nothing to me, a fucking piece of dirt means more to me Maggie. I would save fucking Negan before I even gave a THOUGHT about saving your life. I asked you NUMEROUS times not to kill him. You're what's wrong with the world. Don't speak to me again, don't speak to Judith again, don't speak to RJ ever again. Better yet down even look at them. You're no better than these people. If it were up to me you'd be dead, and I mean this with EVERYTHING inside of me." Carver let out one more whisper, "it's alright Leah. You should've known this wouldn't have a happy ending."

I slowly dropped the gun letting out a small sob, it took everything I had in me to point the gun towards Carver. "Just do it." I took a deep breath, "I think I loved you too. I'm sorry Carver." I closed my eyes as I pulled the trigger and then whipped the gun as hard as I could on the ground, dropping down beside his body, I let out small cries holding onto his hair one last time, "I'm sorry Carver."

Eventually I pulled myself off of him curling my knees to my chest staring down at his body. I heard the faint sounds behind me as they loaded up all the food they were taking back to Alexandria. "Leah," Daryl whispered sitting down beside me. "I'm sorry." I slowly turned my head to meet his eyes, softly shaking my head. My cries were getting louder as I buried my face into my hands. I leaned forward planting one last kiss on Carvers forehead and Daryl stood up offering me his hand. My lip started shaking as I tried desperately to hold back more tears. He looked down putting his arms around me holding on tightly. "What the fuck was she thinking." He sighed, "I don't know."

He offered his hand helping me onto the trailer filled with food. I was hungry but I felt too sick to put anything in my mouth. "Wait," I whispered. I jumped down from the trailer grabbing the closest shovel I could find and began digging into the garden, I heard footsteps come up behind me and I saw Negan holding onto a shovel. "You really liked that guy didn't you?" I didn't answer instead I turned around continuing to dig. "I'm sorry kid." He pushed his shovel into the dirt helping me widen the hole. "He was a real asshole though." I turned to where Carver laid, "so were you Negan." He stopped digging giving me a small smile, "you'll be alright." I shrugged, "that's what everyone says." Once it was deep enough Daryl made his way over to us, he knelt down helping Negan carry the body gently setting it into the hole. "Goodbye," I whispered turning away as they covered him up.

I made one more stop before the trailer. Quietly I pushed open Carver's door sitting down on the edge of the bed tossing the sweatshirt he gave me over and over in my hands. I remembered how he told me not to wreck it the first time he lent it to me. I pulled it over my shirt trying to remember his smell. I didn't love him for the things he did, I loved him for the way he made me feel. Safe.

I took my seat on the trailer and sighed as Negan nudged my arm. "I'm going my own way. It's been a pleasure Leah, and I really do mean that." I nodded, "I can't say the same." He gave me a small smile which I returned. "Don't get yourself killed Negan." He nodded, "back at ya."

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