Chapter 138

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The smell from the vodka that broke yesterday and everything Judith and Daryl said was consuming me. "Fuck this," I whispered. Between the blur of tears and how fucking shitty I felt I wasn't thinking straight. I couldn't stop myself, I climbed down the stairs and knocked on Eugenes door. When he didn't answer I figured he was out so I pushed the door open shocked that he didn't lock it. Quickly I opened drawers looking for anything I could drink. I eventually found a full bottle of rum, and as I was about to leave an orange bottle caught my attention. It was painkillers, I popped the lid off shoving a few into my mouth, washing them down with the rum.

I snuck back outside and hid behind an old building continuing to cry as I took more swigs of the bottle. The painkillers weren't taking any of my pain away, every time I closed my eyes to blink Carver showed up. "IM SORRY." I screamed. "I'm so fucking sorry Carver." I finished the bottle and then threw it far away from me. Everywhere I looked the ghost of Carver followed me. "It was your fault Leah. You made me fall in love with you. You made me want to protect you." I slowly pushed myself up and tried to run but it felt like the world was tilting each step I took, nothing was still and I couldn't even make out my own body when I looked down. I put one foot in front of the other trying to get away from him but after one step I collapsed down and I knew I wasn't going to be able to get up.

An immediate panic came over my body I was going to die out here. Those pills were gonna fucking kill me, they were supposed to take my pain away but they're trying to kill me. I kept blinking to try and make out my surroundings but nothing was clearing up.

"Leah," I heard a voice whisper. "I NEED SOME HELP OVER HERE." His voice was getting mixed up with the loud sounds coming from my chest, it sounded like my heartbeat but it was fucking scary. "It's Mercer Leah." I tried to push them away from me, I was terrified, I couldn't feel anything or understand what they were trying to say to me. "Someone get Daryl." I tried to talk and tell them I didn't want Daryl but the words that came out of my mouth weren't even words anymore. "We're gonna get you help Leah. Stay with me." I could sort of make out Mercer now, mostly because of his bright orange uniform. "Get Carver," I whispered. "Please don't let me die."

I was gasping for air as I felt a heavy pressure on my neck, and I continued to do this until all I saw was black.

I watched as dozens of walkers made their way past the vehicles. When the footsteps had stopped I pulled myself from under the car with Sophia. Just then a walker appeared the same time we got up. Then another one came our way, "run." I cried. We both took off I kept running until I tripped over a root falling down a ditch. When I stood up Sophia was gone..... I was about to walk away when I heard a growl, one more walker was coming out. Immediately I recognized the rainbow shirt. It was Sophia. Carol started running up to her and I stepped forward holding the gun dad gave me up. "I'm sorry Sophia, I'm sorry. I broke my promise." Tears were streaming down my face. I placed my finger on the trigger slowly pulling it. At the same time I collapsed down onto my knees. "Leah no." Dad called. "I promised her."

All of a sudden a walker stumbled onto the road. My eyes widened, "mom. MOM." I screamed getting her attention. She gasped as she ran into the walker breaking the windshield. Glass spilled all over me cutting me everywhere. She tried to regain control of the vehicle, instead hitting the ditch flipping us over. From there everything went black.

I stopped at Daryls bike, quickly I grabbed the knife off of it and ran into the trees. I didn't stop walking until I saw a walker, I stared it down slowly holding my knife up to it. "You ruined everything." I spat at the ugly thing, it was stuck in the mud trying to reach out for me. I took another step forward ready to stab it until it broke free and started running. I gasped jumping back then spun around and began sprinting to the farm. My eyes felt heavy and I was sleeping, until about an hour later I heard loud screams. I ripped my blanket off and ran outside, I could see people gathered around someone. Dale lay on the ground a walker had ripped him open and all I heard was his agonized screams. My eyes then shifted over to the walker, my stomach dropped it was the same one I had seen in the woods, the one I was supposed to kill. Dale was dead because of me.

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