Hetalia rarepair oneshots - REQUESTS OPEN

Homophobic waiter x Ludwig - Valentine's night (crack fic lol)

Author's note:

So. Do I have requests to finish? Absolutely. But I wanted to make something funny for Valentine's without taking myself seriously or worrying about hurting someone else's feelings. Also I named the waiter Marco. I don't remember if the restaurant was in Italy but I'm going to pretend it was. Anyways let's get this shit on the road, who knows if it even will follow canon.

This will include some themes of minor homophobia and religious (catholic trauma).

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Valentine's day. Marco, throughout his years serving as a waiter for years at Il Cupido, the fanciest restaurant in town, became unwillingly familiar with romance and the ideals of Valentine's Day. It got him more business and that meant more tips, sure, but it always left an uneasy feeling in his stomach.

He'd tried dating in the past but all his feelings felt forced- no girl seemed to make him fall in love, no matter how pretty or kind she was. When he was younger, he asked a friend of his from university if people actually liked who they were dating, since clearly he didn't like any of his girlfriends. Unfortunately, Marco got no other answer than, "What are you, gay?" which he was not because then mamma and papà wouldn't love him anymore and they'd cry and pray for him to be "fixed"- that's what happened to a kid that lived on the same street as him growing up. Plus, same sex marriage was still illegal in Italy, so what was the point? If Marco was gay after all, he'd never have a spouse. And for some reason, that made him deeply saddened and angry.

It pained him to see guys walking in with their girlfriends or wives asking for a table for two, Marco's heart ached as he watched them smile and laugh and say ti amo with a kiss, and at the end of every San Valentino, he'd cry because he never understood.

Valentine's day was a waste, if not for the extra business.

Even couples that got together because of Valentine's day were bad! They were always cheesy and sweet and Marco felt the cavities growing in his teeth from it. So in the clouds- one time, there was even a gay couple that tried to propose! In a restaurant, in Italy, where it was illegal. And then the guy being proposed to admitted he didn't realize they were dating? It was painful to watch, and much more painful being their waiter. The one who proposed was so serious, he was tall and muscular- Ludwig, that's what his date had called him. Yes, Ludwig, handsome with his gelled back blond hair and his piercing eyes, arms that looked strong enough to hold the weight of the world, pecs visible through his suit and-

And a criminal. Technically. Sort of?

No matter how hot- how nice, no matter how nice he looked, not hot, and not that Marco cared about Ludwig's looks or liked the gentle, smooth, deep sound of his voice- no, not a care at all!- Ludwig still had a horrible date partner.

Even though the guy- Feliciano? Feliciano sounds right- didn't know it was a date, it was probably against some friend code somewhere that flirting with several women at once while waiting for the other to show up is not good. Feliciano, in all honesty, had something unnervingly creepy about him, like the way his eyes always looked like they were closed, or how he seemed to catch everyone's attention with even meaning to. His presence left Marco unnerved, as if there was something a little inhuman about him. Not in the way that Ludwig seemed like a marble statue that came to life, elegant and built with care, but like the feeling someone gets at the start of a horror movie.

Feliciano gave him the chills, so it was best not to think about him. Ever.

Marco shook his head and went back to sweeping. It'd been another Valentine's Day, which meant he was still planning on going home and crying to a random rom com he'd find online, except he was closing up the restaurant alone. Late at night. Like the start of a horror movie, sure, but he hadn't dated that much and was always kind to the girls he dates, so no bloodthirsty ex would be after him. Hopefully.

Did single people get killed in Valentine's horror movies?

Just as Marco finally quelled his irrational fears, he looked out of the store's front windows.

Two eyes were staring right at him.

He screamed.

This was it, this was how he was going to go. Single, with no great achievements, and nothing memorable about him. What saints was he supposed to pray to to get into heaven? Mamma would know for sure but-!

The door opened.

"Don't kill me, I'm just an innocent waiter!" he shrieked.

"Kill you...?" a deep, accented voice asked. "Why would I kill you?"

"Huh?" Marco opened his eyes and to his surprise it was- "Ludwig?"

Of course Ludwig shows up on Valentine's Day, looking so handsome and alone...!

"I- Oh, you remember me? As if this couldn't get more embarrassing..." Ludwig turned away, his face heating up in embarrassment.

"No, no, just what are you doing here? We're closed now, I'm sorry," Marco said.

"No, I just was... walking by. From a friend's house. Guess I got lost in the past and ended up here instead of home."

"Oh, how far away is your home? You should be careful getting back, this late at night."

"Er... it's a long walk. But I'll be fine. What about you?"

"I'll be alright, I always have been."

"I'll walk you home-" Ludwig paused to read the name tag on Marco's chest- "Marco, I insist. I scared you and walked in here without invitation, it's only fair of me," Ludwig said.

Oh, so he was a gentleman too? Ah, it wouldn't hurt, and he was so nice to look at. Not to mention how nice his name sounded on Luwdig's lips... "Alright, I'll be done cleaning and able to close up in a minute."

The cleaning could not pass any slower, even if it was only a little bit. At least Ludwig was kind enough to fill the silence, asking Marco about his day or answering questions about himself. It was nice. It felt like someone cared about him.

Marco still doesn't understand why Feliciano turned him down, even if it was illegal. Ludwig was too perfect to let go.

"All done, finally! You go out first, I'll lock up behind you," Marco said. He probably was dreaming, honestly, but now wasn't the time to think about that. If he thought about it too much, he'd freak out about his parents not loving him and how gay marriage was still illegal which was pretty weird to worry about since he definitely wasn't gay. If he cooks one meal, he is not a chef, so why would he be gay if he wants to kiss one man? See, perfect logic there. Mamma raised a smart boy, even if her little boy was now in his thirties and more of a lonely man than a boy...

"I don't live far from here, it's just a little this way," Marco pointed.

Ludwig hummed and they went on their way.

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(Okay I was going to write a romantic ending for it but idk. Comment ideas for part 2, if you want one? I've been slowly chipping away at requests in the background. It usually doesn't take so long but I haven't been feeling my best lately. That's why this isn't edited at all and is a oneshot lol. Anyways have a great Valentine's Day guys, leave any requests on the first chapter, and make sure to drink some water!)