Broken Mirror

Chapter 5

The voices in my head continued to get louder and louder. I tried my best to ignore them but they were just intense. I went to the prison with the intention to just sit and talk to him but he just wanted to blame me for why he was there. The look on his face was like he was stressed and out of his mind like he hadn't slept. I wasn't the one to put him there; all I thought was to save my babies and myself. My life was in shambles the moment I had to make decisions on taking him away from us, his son who was just born 4 months ago, he loved us and it wasn't no doubt in that. I never had to deal with 20 cops at one time in my face telling me to say it was him or they were gonna take my kids from me, he didn't deserve to be there because it wasn't him. This person i was looking at wasn't the man i fell in love with, i was standing there looking at the devil and the drugs had overpowered him, like sucked the life out of him, Nate was dried out that his lips was dry and white, his eyes were bloodshot red and his paranoid body was so tense if you cut him with a knife it wouldn't go through. The house got so quiet and the tears that rolled down my face. I loved him so much I didn't want to, but how else was I supposed to get out or save my kids.

Months past and it's time for his trial and the knots in my stomach was so hard i could die standing there looking at the subpoena i received in the mail, the letter read

The state of new jersey vs Nate Rodney
Paula tyrin must appear in court for the trial of Nate Rodney if you don't appear you will have a warrant out for your arrest.

The traffic was so loud I couldn't hear myself think I cried and the tears never left. I was so weak and I was so scared I didn't know what to do. I lived my life in fear thinking I was the one who caused the issue of this situation. He left me with so much pain, my body never knew so much after this. I was to live if I did this. I moved out of my house and lived with a friend, I tried not too show up to this courtroom. My phone rang and it was my friend telling me the task force was at her door looking for me to escort me to the court house. I dropped my phone and I was in so much pain. I can't do this! What the fuck was my life turning too? He was everything: my lover,my comedian,my protector. No man ever loved me the way he did.

Weeks later the police came and found me and told me I had to come to the court house, when I walked into this little room it was this prosecutor sitting there waiting for me. I was shaking, my hands were sweating and my heart was beating as if I was about to go into cardiac arrest. Every word when i answered i was stuttering, i continued to tell him i didn't want to do this i just can't and i want to leave but they wouldn't allow me too he went on about having a police officer at my job ready to snatch my kids and i would never see them again. My heart beats faster and faster and as I cried and tried to talk at the same time telling them I wanna go.

When I walked into the courtroom I looked him straight in his face. All I can see is his green shirt and his face like his life was over. When I looked over there was his sister and all the way in the back was my dad. When I looked up to see the prosecutor who was in the other room telling me what to say. He continued to ask me questions about Nate and if he was in the house? As the tears rolled down my face I looked over to Nate and told him I was sorry, I was so scared and in so much agony they had to remove me from the courtroom. My dad got up from the back and came and comforted me and told me he didn't want them to take the kids, we both never been through this and we honestly didn't know what would happen if i walked out trust me i thought about it. Returning into the courtroom was the hardest thing for me and one of the worst things I've been through.

I went to my moms afterwards in Delaware and when I heard the verdict I fell to my knees and I cried and I held my son so tight. I took his dad away and he left us here to struggle with nowhere to go. Leaving Jersey to live and moving back to Delaware only means I have to take my daughter out of school and live with my mom. I never wanted to go back home because I liked when I had my own, my life became a mess. I was living in motels and on government assistance.