Angel on the Streets {shiall}

21

The next morning, Shawn got a whiff of bacon, hoping it was the one person on his mind. Camila waved at him the moment he'd popped his head out to look into the living room. He sighed quietly and she rolled her eyes. But if she was sitting there, then that meant...

He rushed into the kitchen, frozen when he saw Niall standing there, quietly wiping his eyes. More tears spilled out once their eyes met and Niall began to croak out a sorry, losing his breath when Shawn jumped on him. "N-Ni- I- Ni, I'm so- I'm so sorry, I-"

"Why the hell are you apologising, Shawn? I was horrible, yesterday. Fucking horrible. I can't even forgive myself, how can you be hugging me like I didn't fuck things up royally?"

"I mean... You did," he mumbled, shyly getting off and rubbing his arm. "Still, umm... It's okay. We both lost control a bit, yesterday. So yeah."

"How did you lose control?"

"Oh. I... pushed you, duh. That was awful of me." Niall frowned again, looking even more miserable. Shawn hugged his neck and kissed his cheek, pouting at the sad look in Niall's eyes.

"You deserve so much better. I'm a shit friend and I hate myself, God- I triggered you. I actually fucking triggered you. I'm supposed to make you feel safe- got stupid with alcohol, even when I knew you were right there with me... How could I be so careless?"

"It's okay, Ni, really-"

"IT'S NOT, SHAWN!" The Canadian flinched and Niall sighed softly, turning off the flame when he noticed the bacon was getting a bit too crispy. "I made this for you and Camila. A sorry to you and a thank you to her for taking care of you. And I think... She's better for you than I am. Maybe... Maybe you should be staying with her, instead. I mean, stay in England, of course... Please... But maybe she's better for you because I'm just shit."

"Jesus, Niall, where's all this coming from? You made a mistake. It was one mistake. I've let it go, why won't you?"

"What if... we keep living together, then we grow up and you resent me?"

"Resent you? Why would I resent you?"

"I dunno, maybe cos I "took away your youth" or I "wore you out" or something."

"Is this about us or about your parents?"

"...both? Why can't it be both?" He heaved a sigh, his face aging up from all the worry on his brow. Shawn hated seeing him like this. All he'd done was get too drunk, yet he was acting like he'd purposefully done something horrific to him. Shawn leaned down to kiss him again but Niall pulled away, shaking his head. "Shawn, what I did yesterday-"

"You're not perfect, Ni. I mean, you're a total dumbass when drunk. You're not always the best listener. You can be really unserious in serious situations; stubborn and demanding and overly loud sometimes-"

"Okay. Wow. Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Not trying to offend you but it's the truth. However. You're also the sweetest person I've ever known. You've done so much for me and yet, you feel it isn't nearly enough. You try your best to make me feel happy whenever you can and the... The way you look at me, sometimes... It makes me feel like I deserve the world."

"You do... You deserve better than me, honestly. Me and my fucking up."

"Niall, I'm choosing this. Choosing you. That includes all your darker, more troubling parts just like you living with me includes mine. No one is forcing me to do anything. Okay? You'll make sure not to do this again, that's all, you don't have to beat yourself up so much about it. I'm not mad at you, just want you to do better next time, hon."