Angel on the Streets {shiall}

29

Maura happily welcomed her family in for Christmas dinner like she did every year, her ex included. Years of being divorced had allowed them to get to a point of cordiality and she preferred that they all ate together than having them hop from one house to the other. He didn't dare disagree with her, of course, always happy to enjoy her cooking. Everyone seemed alright. Greg and his ex-wife were being amicable and her grandson, Theo was up and about, clearly enjoying time with his family and excited over the many gifts he would surely receive.

Niall tried his best not to think about Shawn, although every time he saw mistletoe he would think about sharing a kiss with him and watching his face heat up as he complained they were around his family. Every time he ate some of his mother's cooking or baking, all he could think of was Shawn having some and having that wide-eyed look from a homey meal. He was meant to take care of Shawn and he'd failed. He'd been the one to hurt the lad, in fact and he wasn't sure how to forgive himself for that, even if Shawn let it go. He hadn't meant for any of it. But somehow, Shawn wanted him and he wanted Shawn and now it was all a mess.

He stopped staring out of the window when his father called his attention, stopping his mind that had quietly imagined Shawn walking up through the snow outside to join them and get warm with Niall near the fireplace. He imagined holding Shawn's hands in his own to share the heat and shut his eyes, forcing a smile and fluttering them open when his mother gently asked if he was alright.

Everyone could tell he was acting off but that didn't matter, right now. He had to keep up the act the best he could, no matter how awful an actor he was because for fuck's sake, it was Christmas. Who pines over their best friend on Christmas day? Midnight had finally come and they were all watching Theo open his presents first. There was a particularly big box that got Niall curious but he guessed it was either one of his grandparents spoiling him, as usual, as he deserved. Instead, the colour drained from his face when Theo picked it first, as expected and read the tag.

"From... Shawn! Shawn! He sent- Uncle Shawn is the best! Whad he get me gam?"

"You'll have to open it and see, Theo. He brought it just for you and you alone." Niall picked up the generic Santa card on the box, smiling softly.

"To the most special little boy in the whole world... Love, Shawn." A painful gulp. "That's you, Thee."

"I'm sooooo excited!" He practically screamed, tearing at the wrapping. There was a box inside and once he opened it, he screamed even more.

"It's me! It's the Super Theosauras! And he's so so super big, too! Mom, dad! Grandpa look look!" He squeezed the neck of the creature, squealing with delight and practically forgot about every other gift as he squeezed the plushie that was almost his height. Niall's eyes were glued to the card and Shawn's neat handwriting and suddenly, without any warning at all, he was crying. His brother's ex was first to notice, utterly alarmed and placed a hand on his arm, a gentle frown on her face. Everyone was looking at him, now and he didn't know what to do with all the attention.

Usually he loved being in the middle of things but it was a nuisance right then. He only wanted one pair of eyes on him and those eyes were somewhere in America, probably snogging Andrew Garfield or Penny Bordeaux or Camila, even. Anyone else but him and he deserved it. Shawn deserved the best. Why couldn't he just be happy that he didn't need him, anymore? Why couldn't he feel glad that his angel was growing and improving and didn't need his cuddles in the middle of the night or kissing practice for rehearsals? When would it all stop hurting?

"I'm fine, everyone. Sorry. Got a little too much eggnog in me, you know how that goes. I'll just hop up to my room, now, if you don't mind and sleep it off. That's okay, right?" He looked at them all and they nodded slowly. Even his brother had concern in his expression. He truly hoped they didn't know what was going on and didn't meet their eyes again, heading up the stairs.