Angel on the Streets {shiall}

11

Tw discussion of sexual assault

"Baby, where are you going-"

"I just wanted to grab my phone and text Camila. And don't call me baby." Niall smirked and tugged him closer, holding him tightly from behind. He brushed his nose against Shawn's ear, knowing the effect it would have and silently admired the goosebumps that appeared on his skin. So he was that missed? Good.

"Why can't I call you baby, baby...?"

"Ugh... Whatever. Call me whatever you want. Okay?" He huffed, pink on his cheeks and covered his face even though Niall couldn't see him at this angle. Oh wait, Niall was leaning over now just to get a glimpse. Shawn wanted to pummel him when he started laughing but instead, he turned around and lay his head on Niall's chest, bemoaning his fate as he saw all the texts from his best friend. "Why did you fucking distract me with snuggles, you selfish jerk? Camila is going to murder my ass for spending the night here. Never anger a Hispanic woman unless you're looking for death."

"Meh. I don't care if I'm a selfish jerk as long as I get to be with you."

"We're too... God we're doing it again. Getting all soft and attached and shit. Shouldn't we talk about what happened?"

"I thought we'd sorted that out already, Shawnie." Shawn shook his head a tiny bit, staring at the ceiling quietly. Niall sighed and sat them both up, allowing it when Shawn put some distance between them, as much as he wanted to pull him right back in. "You know... There is one thing I want to ask. Just the one. Why did you do it? Why'd you ghost me?"

"The answer is more complicated than I can ever fully explain. Every day, I had to convince myself to not contact you and Camila helped too, of course." Niall arched a brow but stayed silent. Of course, Camila was involved in it. She probably reinforced the idea on him whenever he came close to reaching out. But Shawn would be upset if he said anything so he left it be, yet somehow the younger man could read his angry mind.

"Look, it's not cos of her, it's... It was about me. I didn't think I deserved you friendship. I wanted to end things before you inevitably did. And I still feel that way, honestly. I still do. I wish I could switch off my brain... I'm so sorry, Ni. And you have every right to kick me out or yell at me for that stupid fucking reasoning but please... please don't...? I must sound pathetic right now but I do want you in my life, too, I swear I do."

"Aww. Baby. My baby boy. I'm going to punch that low self-esteem of yours right in the face some day," he replied gently. The air between them laxed and Shawn smiled, relieved, when his hair got ruffled. "So... We're good, now? Can we get back to what we were doing?"

"You mean invading each other's personal space? Hell yeah but only if you're sure that's everything you want to ask. I made the mistake so you can grill me as you like. I'm ready."

"Okay. You're not gonna like this one but I just have to make sure..." He scratched the back of his neck, glancing at the man in front of him. Shawn had already descended into slight panic, he could just tell so he got it out quick. "Where were you staying while I was gone? After the month? I wanted to pay again but they told me you'd left."

"Same place I've always stayed."

"I knew it. I should never have left. I'm so sorry-"

"No, Niall. God, no. It's my life, not yours. You don't get to feel guilty for something that was never in your control. I chose to stay there because well... I'm used to it. It's not that I didn't have money of my own to stay somewhere, I just didn't..."

"You didn't think you deserved it. You beautiful, beautiful idiot." Shawn just rolled his eyes as Niall fussed over him, gently brushing his thumbs over his cheeks as he stared at him. There was so much emotion in his eyes that he had to turn away because honestly, he didn't think he deserved to be looked at like that, either.