lollipop ➹ jaywon

DEAR. 013

Zoning out as he stares at the ceiling, Jay, who was already clothed with his favorite blue silk pajamas, brings his hands close to his lips and gently touches it with the tip of his fingers. Pink dusted on his cheeks, and when a smile threatens to burst out, he bites his lower lip to which he immediately regrets when he's met with a little sting. Jungwon's merciless as what Jay had gathered, and he's painfully good, too. By reminiscing the events of earlier during the day, he hears his heart thump loudly on his ribcage.

It beats, hurts, and twists. Jungwon makes him feel that way. An explosive warmth that fills every inch of his skin and coats him with adoration, and his breath hitched. Is this how it feels to be in love? He describes it as plummeting down an endless void. Hearts racing and losing all control, welcoming everything. His heart squeezes, and jumps and distorts and he lets it be. His eyes clouded with mirth and he only hears his boyfriend faintly calling his name, reminding him so much that he's down bad. Every thought of Jungwon makes him fall harder, falling faster down that abyss. Jay-hyung, I really like you. Deeper down the rabbit hole. Jay-hyung, you're so cool. He swears he feels himself stop his breathing as if he had witnessed the most astonishing thing in the universe.

Jay-hyung, I love you. He stops. Everything pauses. He feels himself crash on the pit of the hole he had descended. When his body vigorously crashed on the very end, feeling the excruciating ache afflicted in every piece of him.

His heart throbs, wobbles, and disrupts. A trembling sigh escapes Jay's lips, but it isn't one of fear nor sadness. His eyes glazed with epiphany and mirth. Tears brim his eyes, and he's so fucking happy, he clutches on his blanket and lets the emotions evoked into him pierce right through him like needles.

"Jungwon," uttering out his lover's name makes him blush. "Jungwon," he chuckles, and he sniffles, a single tear gently rolling down his skin, followed by another. No one can ever say Jungwon's name the way he does. His heart goes down in seams, but he isn't feeling any sense of heartbreak, but rather a feeling of intense joy and realization. "I love you."

➹

"Heeseung-hyung and Jake-hyung were playing yesterday," ten-year-old Jungwon says as the two of them lie down on the grass in their own secret place. Jay turns his head, meeting Jungwon's cute, rosy cheeks and curly hair with some tiny flower petals and cuts of grass sticking in.

"Well, do you not like the zombie game we're playing?" He asks curiously.

Jungwon shakes his head. "You always catch me when you're a zombie. And when it's my turn, you always outrun me and climb in the tree. It's unfair," he huffs. It was summertime, they were both wearing casual t-shirts and shorts.

The older giggles. "Sorry. Well, we can always play something else. What was it, Johnny? The game your hyungs were playing."

"They played mom and dad, and I was the baby," Jungwon pouts.

"Oh? Like a family?"

"Uhhhuuh. I guess it's kinda fun, because Heeseung-hyung acted like my cool dad and Jake-hyung spoiled me like a mom. Do you wanna play that game?" Jungwon asks.

"Sure," the older nods and sits up straight, helping Jungwon up.

"You find your wife, then," Jungwon enthusiastically says, but Jay's lip pouts in thought.

"Hmm. Well.. How about we both be the dads? You get to be, like, my muse," Jay tells him. "Uh, kind of. What do you think?"

He sees the younger nod his head without hesitation.

When they play, they get immersed into character. One time when they agreed on acting as an alien taking over The Tree, Jay, as the human, had clung on the thick branch tightly as he climbed up. There was even a situation where Jungwon plucked out the flowers and displayed them in an array, saying that he owns a flower shop and Jay is the customer (it's safe to say that he immediately regretted taking the flowers because they had to wait until they grew again). But now that they're playing as a family, Jay finds himself carrying his backpack the way he saw his mom carry one of his baby cousins one time, holding it close to his chest and even patting it as if the bag was a baby.

"Honey~ I'm home with our Seongwon~," Jay coos, and places a big kiss on Jungwon's cheek. The latter doesn't react heavily, and instead breaks character as he cocks an eyebrow in confusion.

"Seongwon?"

"Oh my silly husband~!" Jay exclaims, resisting the urge to giggle. "It's the name of our lovely baby boy," he says with a sly smirk, Jungwon nearly rolls his eyes.

But he quickly goes back into character and nods his head, carrying an imaginary briefcase. "And I just got back from work, my love! How are my two favorite people~?" He smiles cheekily and, too, tiptoes up to smack his lips on Jay's temple. The older grins and they suppress their laughter.

"Stunning. We are very great, dear~ Come, let's have dinner!"

➹

"Honey...!" Jay holds Jungwon's arm, his voice feigned with despair. "I am so very distressed!"

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" The dimpled boy cups Jay's face, the sun perfectly hitting his honey skin. Jungwon swore he saw Jay had puppy eyes for a second there.

"Seongwon!" He cries, "our son is in love with his best friend Raewoo!"

Jungwon closes his eyes, places the back of his palm over his forehead and exhales, and dramatically falls as Jay catches him in his arms. Jungwon 'faints,' croaking out a weak, "nooo."

"Is this really it...? Our son.. is getting married?" Jay croaks out.

One of Jungwon's eyes slightly open, trying not to laugh at Jay's acting. But then, his face turned glum. "Does that mean... We'll.. get grandkids?" He gasps, his eyes widening, still in Jay's arms.

"Huh? Johnny, they're both boys."

"But- but I thought kissing m-makes babies?" He stammers, eyes widening like saucers.

An insolent smirk makes its way on Jay's face. He wants to crack up and basically guffaw, but he remains calm. "Kissing doesn't make babies, Johnny. Wanna try?" Jay backs off and holds on to his bleeding mouth after Jungwon downright punches his face. "OW! HOLY SHIZZLES!" He exclaims and hisses at the impact on his lips. "Johnny!!!"

"Your fault! Your fault!" Jungwon grabs his backpack, chanting. "You don't joke things like that or you'll get punched! That's the rule!" He says in a sing-song, carrying his bag, "bye, I'm leaving now, you little turd."

Before Jay can react, Jungwon has stormed off. "Ow, c'mon, I was only kidding," he mumbles and gently pressed his fingers against his lips. He knows for the fact that it'll hurt as hell when he'll eat and drink.

Jungwon thinks it's well-deserved.

a/n ::

another update i think yes

yay smol jaywon arc! they've been so cute as kids but anyway jay deserved that punch AS JUNGWON SHOULD. p.s did u notice how this book has, like, parallels,, like in this chap, past jay had his mouth beaten up by wonie (dasurv) and present jay... WE ALL KNOW WHATS UP

oh and when jay cried because he realized just how overwhelming his love for jungwon is,, 😩

this chap was kinda light, i didn't pay much attention to the writing style!!

anyway :( we're slowly nearing lollipop's end. just a few more chapters to go. tbvh (don't tell anyone) i almost cried thinking about the ending. SHRUGSSSS